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My emgagement ring!

Help! I am in my 40's this is my second marriage and I hate my ring. It looks like a promise ring for a 16 year old. I don't want to hurt my fiances feelings, but I don't know what to do. I am embarrassed to wear it. We both have great jobs, it is not a matter of money. I don't want to crush him since he picked it out himself. Would it be wrong of me to have a bigger stone placed in the setting and not tell him? I have some estate jewelry that I could use the stones from. HELP! I hate feeling this way!

Re: My emgagement ring!

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    mlg78mlg78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper

    You don't think he'll notice the stone-swap? Seriously? No...  And don't start your marriage off on a lie.

    Perhaps you could say, "I have this beautiful stone from this other ring I have. What do you think about putting that in there and then let's create the wedding band with that center stone and another ring I have?" Something along those lines...but expect hurt feelings.  It's a blow to his ego...

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    I would discuss it with him.  You can either wear a ring for the rest of your life that you are completely uncomfortable with, or you can have the hard talk and have him understand why you feel the way you do.  You have to chose the lesser of two evils. 

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    You're 40, not 16. Talk to him about it.
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    I would be honest and tell him how you feel.  If you feel uncomforable with that for whatever reason, learn to love the ring he gave you.

    Anniversary

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    Do you even know what he spent on the ring? What if it's a smaller stone but really good quality? I know there's at least a couple ladies around who went for a relatively small stone, but they're IF clarity and D color or something like that.

    It's okay to not be thrilled with the style of the ring and (IMO) to gently tell your fiancé that, but to be upset with the size is a little shallow. And be prepared for him to be hurt because it's likely he put a lot of effort into picking something he at least thought you'd like.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-emgagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:febb35d0-277b-4ea0-ad60-dd50b0788ac7Post:2e734545-f1b0-448c-a1a2-35b102535569">My emgagement ring!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Help! I am in my 40's this is my second marriage and I hate my ring. It looks like a promise ring for a 16 year old. I don't want to hurt my fiances feelings, but I don't know what to do. I am embarrassed to wear it. We both have great jobs, it is not a matter of money. I don't want to crush him since he picked it out himself. Would it be wrong of me to have a bigger stone placed in the setting and not tell him? I have some estate jewelry that I could use the stones from. HELP! I hate feeling this way!
    Posted by kellyjean629[/QUOTE]
    First, take a breath and focus on the fact the man you love proposed to you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you.  I understand your sense of disappointment but try to remember the bigger picture.

    Then when you can go talk to your FI with an excited smile start off by praising the ring and telling him how much you love him for taking the time to put so much of his own thought and design into it.  Then since it's estate jewelry maybe one way to soften the blow when you talk to him is to tell him that there are some heirloom stones that you would like to "add" to your ring as a way of including your family's heritage in the joining of your lives. 

    Then ask if he wouldn't mind if you both could go together to a jeweler to get a consultation on what the best way would be to include those stones with the ring.  You want to still get his "buy in" and see if he can take the lead with the jeweler so it ends up feeling like it is still his creation.  Like people always say, it's not what you say or do but it's how you say or do it.
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    You know, two years ago, my gyno was telling me a very similar story. She had been married once before. So when her second engagement happened, her new fiance presented her with a ring... that she HATED. She found it gaudy and rather dated-looking. She hadn't seen the proposal coming at all, so she hadn't let him know what her taste was. It was nineteen years before she worked up the courage to tell him she disliked it (when he noticed that she hadn't worn it in a decade - I guess he wasn't very observant!). They were shopping when this bubbled up to the surface, and he immediately took her to a ring store and they picked out a nice, modest ring that was more to her taste. This conversation had come up because she was hoping my boyfriend would propose soon (she was the coolest gyno ever - she must have taken notes!) and she said that I should show him pictures of what I wanted so that we could both be happy - and to be honest with him if I wasn't happy with a ring.

    Sure, it may be a slight blow to his ego - but I think he'd rather get you something you'll be happy to wear rather than something you'll stop wearing as soon as you get that band. Tell him how excited you are, how much you look forward to marrying him, but you were hoping for a ring that was more your style.
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    I agree with PPs.  Explain that you would like to incorporate the heirloom stones into your ring, and ask him to be a part of the process.  No need to tell him that the current stone is too small.  If you replace the current stone with one of your heirloom stones, maybe you can turn the original stone into a pendant or something to show that you appreciate the beauty of the original stone and want to keep it as well.
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    I think you should let him know that you desire another ring in s polite way. Do not do anything behind his back. Show him the types of rings you are interested in and explain to him that you liked his initiative but you want something that will appeal to both of your likings.
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    can we see a picture of the ring?
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    In Response to Re:My emgagement ring!:[QUOTE]can we see a picture of the ring? Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

    Dito this. I want to see this ring.
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    I am not sure how to post an image! I would love to get opinions....if someone knows how I can post one, please tell me. I hate feeling like this, but I guess that is why I am here!!!!
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    edited April 2013
    My engagement ring Is from the promise ring collection. I'm in my 30s and he told me if I hated it or didn't want to wear it we could go get me a new one. And then a cute little 4 yr old boy ran into the room and said "oooh mommy you got the ring I picked out for you". He had help the secret for almost 3 weeks and my only hint as "you are really going to like it" haha. It's not about the size... It's about WHAT IT MEANS!!! I am adament on moving my engagement ring to my right hand the day we get married. Some people want huge rocks, others don't. to each his own. But if you truly hate it, talk to him about it.
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    I'm still waiting for pictures. ...
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    edited May 2013
    Thank you everyone. I was unable to figure out how to post an image, but wanted to let you all know what I did to resolve the issue. Yesterday morning I followed my normal routine of bringing coffee to my FI. We sat on the bed and were talking. Told him I had something to say and I did not want to hurt his feelings in any way. I told him the ring was too delicate for me......I am not a "delicate" woman and we both know it. I explained how the proposal was amazing and would be a cherished memory forever. He said he didn't care what I wore on my finger as long as I was marrying him. What a great guy!!!!!
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    gmcr78gmcr78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    That's great! 
    FYI, to post a picture you just have to have a pic saved somewhere on your computer (desktop, folder, etc) and then at the bottom of the box where you are typing in your post are a bunch of icons.  Near the middle is one that is a picture of a tree.  Click on it, and a box will appear for you to browse for your picture.  All you do is find the picture, select it, click save, and then you can post your comment with the picture embedded.
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