What do you think?

lpaoli2341

So, my fiance and I are a younger couple and we cant really afford an engagement ring right now. I know that you can be engaged without one, but you cant help but want one that you can show off to all your friends and things. I know that he is trying to get me a ring and I do appreciate it. I was just wondering what everyone else thought about engagement rings and wedding rings.

TheMrsC23

My sister was engaged without a ring for most of her engagement.

I never wear my set.  I need to get them resized and just have not taken the time in almost 2.5 years to get it done. 

A ring doesn't matter. 

kerbohl

E-rings don't have to be expensive.  If you guys aren't well-off yet, he can buy you a nice ring that is in his price range, and he can always buy you a fancy anniversary ring someday when you have the money, if you still want an expensive ring.  A good way to do that is to get a simple ring that can stack well with an anniversary band. 

CandCWedding2013

My FI got me a cheap ring to propose with and it ended up eating my finger (i have allergies to nickel)  we ended up having to buy a new ring to replace it. I think I would have rather had no ring and waited until we could afford the 'good ring' rather than the cheaper 'place holder' that gave me such a rash. Being engaged is in your heart not on your hand. 

Wzz

i think that if you really care what other people think, you should just get a ring to have a ring.

it really doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you guys agree and are happy. but you seem to care what other people will think of your naked finger, so you should just get a ring.

but you will need to get a diamond, because people will talk if you don't. and it needs to be big so no one thinks it's too small because your FI is cheap. and get platinum so no one thinks gold is cliche.

and then you'll need an eternity band for your wedding ring, so people don't think your plain gold band is too boring.

see where i am going with this? if you care about what other people will think, you'll never stop trying to please other people.

zsazsa-stl

My little diamond engeagment ring and plain gold wedding band say "we live within our means and our love is based in solid ground rather than a bed of credit card lies so suck on that when you are are deciding which credit card to use to reset your two carat ring into a cocktail ring after the end of your loveless marriage."  Or...it says that I am poor.  Either way, I'm cool with it.  

But a ring is not necessary.  Like the other said, don't worry too much about what others think.  If you have decided to marry each other, you are engaged.  End of story.

zsazsa-stl

In Response to Re: What do you think?:
[QUOTE]Like the others said, don't worry too much about what others think. 
Posted by zsazsa-stl[/QUOTE]

Heee!  I'm giggling at myself and my contradictory advice. 

kerbohl

In Response to Re: What do you think?:
[QUOTE]My little diamond engeagment ring and plain gold wedding band say "we live within our means and our love is based in solid ground rather than a bed of credit card lies so suck on that when you are are deciding which credit card to use to reset your two carat ring into a cocktail ring after the end of your loveless marriage."  Or...it says that I am poor.  Either way, I'm cool with it.   But a ring is not necessary.  Like the other said, don't worry too much about what others think.  If you have decided to marry each other, you are engaged.  End of story.
Posted by zsazsa-stl[/QUOTE]

Well, that was my point also - who says it has to be crazy expensive?  I saw some absolutely gorgeous engagement rings that I would have been quite happy with that were around the $200 mark.  Of course, I prefer non-diamond, so that might have something to do with the lesser price, but the perfect ring isn't necessarily the most expensive.  It's the one that makes you happy!

And people that judge others for having a cheaper engagement ring - ignore them.  If they allow themselves to think that about you, they shouldn't matter to you because they  . . . well, that kind of behaviour is toxic and you might be better off without them. 

annhlotr

An engagement ring isn't a requirement. I would have been upset not to have a wedding band, though. Mine was blessed during our ceremony (my husband doesn't wear a ring, so we didn't waste the money to buy a ring he won't wear) and I would have been sad if I missed that. To me, it's the wedding band that matters.

The only plausible reason I've ever heard for why an engagement ring is a good idea is that if you can't save enough money over a few months for a ring (not a diamond ring, just a ring- there are quite pretty ones for under $200) it might mean money will be very tight, which puts stress on a marriage. I don't really agree with that, but I understand the reasoning.

I do have a diamond engagement ring, although not a large one. My husband was able to afford it because he was co-oping and making a pretty good salary while he was in college on a full scholarship, so he wasn't paying for room and board. And it was a trade in, which reduces costs because people are paranoid about bad influences, and because it's a size 5. They had reduced the price twice within the last few months because almost no one buys size 5 rings. If we got engaged now, I definitely wouldn't have a diamond. There are far more important things to spend money on. I'd rather have the money in an emergency fund or going towards bills.

shaylagirl

I won't lie; I bought mine as part of a set off Craigslist.  Yes, they're pre-loved, but they were also affordable and were what I was looking for.  And, he's said he'll upgrade the diamond for an anniversary when we're in a better place financially.

But they were also inexpensive, simply because they weren't brand new out of the jewelry store.  That's always a potential option.  I've also seen some pretty rings on eBay.  So what if it's set with a CZ and is sterling silver?  If you want a pretty ring, there ARE inexpensive options out there.  Pick a price target and don't exceed it!

You're just as engaged with a ring as you are without one. 

Good luck, and I hope you two figure out something that makes you happy but doesn't strain your financial resources!

DG1

I've developed an allergy to mine and rarely wear them anymore.

I also waffle back and forth between loving my rings and feeling duped by the wedding-industrial complex. Like I bought into what society said I should do. But whatever. I've been married a long time now - it's a waste of energy for me to think much about it.

FWIW, my parents made layaway payments on my mom's engagement ring, and she didn't get it until their first anniversary. (She wanted a full carat, and they got married right out of college. They weren't stupid enough to go into debt over it, and she chose waiting vs. a smaller stone.) They were totally still engaged and married.

Interestingly enough, she got pregnant about 18 months into the marriage and soon couldn't wear her rings anymore. She ended up borrowing my dad's wedding band to wear to her brother's college graduation so everyone wouldn't think she was an unwed mother. HA! But her engagement ring didn't fit, either, so she was still just wearing a band.

So yeah. Ring, no ring. Now, later. Whatever. You do you.

lpaoli2341

Thanks for your opinions guys. I agree with you and think that engagement is in your heart and not on your hand. I did have a ring but like someone elses post I am allergic to nickel as well. And the ring kinda swelled up my finger and hurt really bad. I am thinking that we are just going to get simple bands then upgrade on our first anniversary. It would be a cute way to celebrate and then we could save up for our honeymoon and our wedding and our house and things like that. I am going to stop caring what everyone else thinks and just focus on whats important and thats my Fiance. I really appreciate everyones insight!