Omg help me before I lose my mind!

Vivie6389

My parent are separated. My Mom and Step-Dad raised me. Real Dad was around but not aloud to be around much...When I got engaged (which is suposed to be a happy time...boy was I wrong) all hell broke out! My Mom and Step-Dad said they can not pay for my wedding. Then my real Dad offered to pay and my Mom told me no, not to accept it and do not invite him. The thing is. I love my real Dad and since I have been on my own he and I have gotten alot closer that before. We talk 3 times a week and see each other twice a month (he lives out of state). and I want him to be there and involved. So I announced that I want my Real Dad to walk me half-way to my Step-Dad and then he give me away. Or they can both walk me...Omg my Mom and Step-Dad flipped out!! Now they are refusing to come....What should I do? How the heck can I make everyone happy?--Without losing my mind!!!

HisGirlFriday13

First of all, congrats on your wedding and engagement! That's so exciting.

Second of all, you cannot please everyone and you will drive yourself crazy if you try. Do what makes YOU and FI happy and everyone else will just accept it and get over it (or they won't, in which case they'll boycott your wedding, and that makes life easier).

If your father is offering to give you money and if he can afford it and if you and FI want to, it's up to the three of you -- you, FI, your dad -- to have that discussion and decide what he's going to contribute and how much of your overall budget that's going to be. If your mother and step-father can't contribute, that's fine, but they can't then tell you not to take money from your dad. It doesn't work that way.

All of this is easier said than done, I realise. But just practice saying, firmly, "Mom, I understand this is no something you agree with, but it's what FI and I are doing, and it's not up for discussion." 

You can also try bean-dipping her:

Mom: I can't believe you're going to accept moeny from your father?

You: Mom, have you tried the bean dip? It's delicious.

Mom: I don't want you to take his money. 

You: This dip is really great. Here, have a chip.

Repeat as necessary, until she shuts up or gets the message.

BreannaFirth

Hi!

If your dad was not around before, this may be his chance to step in. Let him contribute, if you want him involved, let him be involved. Your mom and step-dad will not be happy, but they probably won't boycott your wedding, I'm sure that they are just trying to get you to back down. Do what makes you happy. Period. It's your happily ever after, decide what's most important to you. The switch off down the asile sounds complicated. It would be dad- step dad- finace? Maybe you should choose one person to walk you down the asile- your step dad? and then have your dad do your father-daughter dance.

Good Luck!

Check out my Facebook page for wedding advice and ideas!

https://www.facebook.com/BowlineWeddingConsultants

[Deleted User]

Breanna, learn to read the rules about posting on here. You are reported. 

Vivie, you're an adult so you get to make your own choices about if you want a relationship with your father. You're well within your right to invite him. If your Mom and Stepfather refuse to come, call their bluff and wish them well. Just remember that money comes with strings. Most people who give money want input about what the money goes to. That's not a bad thing, just something you have to keep in mind.

kerbohl

I agree on calling their bluff.  They are behaving like children to refuse you the right to have your own father as well as your step-father walk you down the aisle.  They are putting their own personal feelings above your own, and hopefully they will see and realize that they are in the wrong.  You obviously love your father, and so you have every right to have him be involved on your wedding day.  Don't let anyone, even your mother and step-father, tell you that you don't have that right.  They may not like it, but if they are mature they will eventually understand.