Vent

CandCWedding2013

When my FI and I decided to actually plan our wedding we chatted with both parents and decided to pay ourselves. After looking at everything we decided on a Vegas wedding. Same sex marriage isn't legal in Vegas so we have to do our paperwork at home before we leave (or after could be anytime but we chose before) We have a lot of friends who can't come to the Vegas wedding so we're throwing together a little park wedding, nothing fancy just some hotdogs/ cokes and a ceremony. 

My mom is trying to make this mini ceremony into our wedding. She keeps making suggestions about needing this or that. I've told her this day- for us- is only about paper work and we weren't even going to have any kind of ceremony but since we need to have the officiant marry us and we had friend express sadness about not being able to attend the Vegas wedding we tossed this together.  I could understand if she wasn't going to the Vegas wedding but she is. 

Ahh.. ok I feel better. 

Wzz

ok. i know i am way out of line here, but i think it's actually really nice that your mom wants to make a big deal out of the paper work party. you can give post its as favors (i kid about that).

i know she is overstepping, but IMO, if i were a guest or a sibling or just a nosy nobody neighbor, i would be making a big deal about it, too. sorry. i'm annoying and obnoxious that way.

alikatt17

I think it's nice she wants to make a big deal out of everything.  Paperwork is a big deal, you know?

CandCWedding2013

I probably wouldn't notice if she were as excited about the 'actual' wedding as she seems to be about this paper one. 

Wzz

not many people can muster up excitement over a DW.

zizibet

  She can't muster up excitement about your "real wedding" because it isn't your real wedding. You might consider it "just paperwork" but that is in fact you real wedding.
   I also find that horribly disrespectful to couples who would love to get married at home, but can't because their state doesn't recognize that.You're lucky your mom wants to make a fuss.

QueerFemme

Your wedding in your home state IS your "actual" wedding.  The one in Vegas is a do-over and although, I'm sure it is going to be super fun for you and your friends and family to frolick around in Vegas, it isn't your real wedding.

You are lucky that you live in one of the few states that allows same sex marriage.  I honestly don't know why you would leave your own state to fly to one that doesn't acnkowledge your wedding, when you live in one that does.

It makes a lot more sense to me for you to host your "real" wedding in your home town and then have a fun vacation in Vegas and skip the fake re-do ceremony.    Because there are only 10 states that allow same sex marriage, I know most of us will end up having two ceremonies, but since you live in one of those 10 states, you are treading dangerously close to PPD territory, and doing it as a DW where people are coming to witness your fake ceremony is even worse. Because you are asking people to travel to witness the fake re-do.  Honestly, I think you should be thrilled that your mom is excited about your real, actual wedding.

This is coming from someone who got married in a park with 130+ of my closest friends and family surrounding us, in a state that doesn't acknowledge my marriage.  when our state does make it legal, we will happily go to the courthouse alone (or maybe with one or two friends) and have our ceremony. 

NYCMercedes

In Response to Re: Vent:
[QUOTE]Your wedding in your home state IS your "actual" wedding.  The one in Vegas is a do-over and although, I'm sure it is going to be super fun for you and your friends and family to frolick around in Vegas, it isn't your real wedding. You are lucky that you live in one of the few states that allows same sex marriage.  I honestly don't know why you would leave your own state to fly to one that doesn't acnkowledge your wedding, when you live in one that does. It makes a lot more sense to me for you to host your "real" wedding in your home town and then have a fun vacation in Vegas and skip the fake re-do ceremony.    Because there are only 10 states that allow same sex marriage, I know most of us will end up having two ceremonies, but since you live in one of those 10 states, you are treading dangerously close to PPD territory, and doing it as a DW where people are coming to witness your fake ceremony is even worse. Because you are asking people to travel to witness the fake re-do.  Honestly, I think you should be thrilled that your mom is excited about your real, actual wedding. This is coming from someone who got married in a park with 130+ of my closest friends and family surrounding us, in a state that doesn't acknowledge my marriage.  when our state does make it legal, we will happily go to the courthouse alone (or maybe with one or two friends) and have our ceremony. 
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

OP, I suggest you reread this wonderful advice and take it to heart. This hit the nail on the head.