A Real BIG Dilemma

Nells08

Hi All,

First post, so please help!

I am getting married in roughly 4 months and have quite an issue to discuss. My fiance's brother has severe autism. He does not speak but makes several noises and requires constant supervision. His parents have already stated that they would be getting a babysitter to attend the wedding (as it will be 8 hours away from their home) to come with them to the wedding to watch him.

Here's my dilemma. I am hiring a videographer (which costs $$$) to record our wedding ceremony. I am worried that his parents will want his brother to attend the ceremony. The problem is, he cant stay quiet for more than 5 minutes. He usually screams or makes loud noises constantly. I want him to be involved in everything but would also like to be able to hear my wedding vows and relive the ceremony through the video we have made in the years to come.

I spoke with my fiance about this and he is unsure about what he wants to do. He understands how I feel but doesn't want him left out, which I understand as well.

Any suggestions?!

PMeg819

Talk to your videographer. Tell them the situation and ask how they'll minimize the background noise.

*Barbie*

I think that your FBIL's aide would remove him from the room if he became disruptive - does your ceremony location have a "quiet room"/nursery/spare room, etc. that they could use?

I understand your concerns, but your FI and his family are much more familiar with his brother's special needs and how to best meet them. Now that you've voiced your concern to your FI, ask him to work with his parents to determine how to best include his brother while accounting for his needs.

HisGirlFriday13

If you are seriously even remotely considering banning you FI's brother from the wedding just because he can't behave the way you think is appropriate, you need to reevaluate your priorities. This man, disabilities and all, will be part of your family. It is far more important to think how your FILs will feel if you tell them their son isn't welcome at your wedding because you're worried about the video. PLEASE think about how you want to start off your married life; with animosity from your FILs or with equanimity and good will between you.

Nells08

Thank you for your help. I want to make it clear that I have always wanted him to be involved in everything! Absolutely everything! We only get this moment once and I want to be able to hear it and remember it. I will talk to the videographer about it, thanks for the suggestion! It will be in an opera theatre, so I'm worried sound may carry...

VarunaTT

I have a friend who had a brother with autism.  He was my friend's best man and ended up breaking into hysterical laughter during the ceremony.  Everyone dealt with it quietly and gracefully, including the bride.  I know that no one heard what was being said during that time.

I suggest you do the same.