Wedding Etiquette Forum

Re: Yadadada

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    In any universe ever, charging your guests to attend your wedding is tacky, rude, and really, really, I cannot emphasise this enough, NOT OKAY! You cannot rent a house and ask them to subsidise it so you can have your wedding there. Lots of people pay for their own weddings; the way the formula works is you count up the number of people you absolutely have to have there, figure out what you can spend per head, and find a venue that can accommodate that. If that means cake and punch in a church basement or a pig roast in a state park, that's what you do. But you do not charge your guests to attend your wedding.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    In Response to Re:ok to charge friends/family for destination wedding vacation mansion?:[QUOTE]I was planning to have a wedding/reception at a venue in Florida for up to 50 people but couldn't find anything under 8000. I'm on a low budget since its just fiance and I paying for whole wedding. I had posted for suggestions on other ideas and someone mentioned throwing the reception at a vacation home. I've been looking and found it to be a great idea because we are also paying for our lodging. I found a mansion on beach with 2 pools in the yard for the whole week 5000 with lodging for up to 20 ppl. Since all of our family/friends are traveling and were planning to get hotel rooms, we figured instead of them paying 75100/night in a hotel to ask everyone if they'd want to stay at the mansion for let's say 200/couple for the whole week!!!? We'd still be paying 2000 of it but to keep our budget where we want it so does this sound like a good idea? Or bad etiquette? I appreciate ur opinions. Thank you! Posted by tmejias31[/QUOTE] Horrible. Horrible. Horrible etiquette. Pick another venue or scale back your plans signifcantly. If you want to rent the mansion, feel free. But don't ask your guests to basically help you pay for your venue.
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    You should never be in a position where you are asking your guests to pay you.  I understand how it seems like this could be a good idea, but you don't want to be acting as an innkeeper for your guests and accepting payments from them to attend your wedding.  This is an especially bad idea because you cannot afford the venue on your own, so what will happen if less people than you need are willing to pay you to stay in the home?  

    I would rather stay in a hotel in this case.  It's unlikely we'd spend an entire week at a DW, and I need my alone time and would rather pay a little more to make sure DH and I had some privacy and I could do my own thing, which I would be worried about staying in a vacation home with a bunch of other people.  
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    I find it hard to believe that Florida has no parks where you could host a catered picnic for under 2000.
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    DjinxsDjinxs member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    Personally, I'd rather pay the $75-150 for the hotel room since I don't know why I'd want to stay the whole week...? I guess I'm not sure about the timeline. Are you getting married, then spending a week in the vacation house for your honeymoon? Because I'd be totally weirded out staying for your honeymoon and sharing a house, even if it is huge. Or are you looking for people to take a vacation and stay in the house the week leading up to your wedding?

    I dunno. I (personally) prefer vacations with just my H, MAYBE parents/siblings. If I were you, I'd look into other options.
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    My brother and his wife did something similar for their wedding (which was by NO means an etiquette-compliant event). They rented a huge vacation house on the Chesapeake. The wedding website said guests could stay on site for like 200 bucks (way cheaper than the hotels in the area) but also linked to hotels where guests could stay if they chose. NO ONE opted to pay to stay on site except a couple of people in the WP. No one else though. A) it just feels too hectic to be on site with the bride and groom. B) Most adults want their own home-base and privacy when they travel. C) I couldn't help thinking "Why the F am I paying you to stay on site if the site has to be paid for for the wedding anyway?" C is what creates the biggest problem for you etiquette-wise. Everyone can tell what's being asked of them: help subsidize the cost to book our weddding site. I think you can get away with giving guests the option, but don't be surprised if few people partake and be ready to pay the whole thing yourselves. Honest question: do you have to book for the whole week? Could you get away with booking it just just 3 days or so?
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    Staying with 19 people I don't know doesn't sound fun and does this mean they'd be helping with the wedding? The house would probably be trashed by the time your wedding rolls around.

    Don't do this to your guests. It's tacky and rude.
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    mlg78mlg78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    I'm sorry, but after you get married don't you want a little bit of privacy for just the two of you and not be sharing this house with others?

    $2,000 isn't a horrible budget -- you could do a lot with it and not break a ton of etiquette rules.
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    What are you wearing on your wedding night?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    We rented a beach house for 10 ppl and had the wedding on site.  We rented it a week before the wedding and stayed 2 days after.  

    My dad was gracious enough to pay a large portion of the house, so that cut down on costs. We did NOT have family stay there, as it is too complicated with divorced/remarried parents etc. 

     We offered our friends coming from abroad (mainly Europe) to stay for free.  It was a great time, but I will let you know that it was VERY hectic leading up to the wedding with all those people around. 

    Personally 20 ppl would drive me crazy with different schedules etc.  10 of us was already a lot, plus 2 kids adds a lot of chaos.  Keep in mind it is also a lot more fun to socialize entertain with that many people around that you might find it difficult to get done what you need to.

    Aside from that, monetarily speaking, I don't think it's okay for you to ask them to pay.  If they offer, I suppose it's up to you to accept.  I wouldn't factor it into your budget though.     
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    In Response to ok to charge friends/family for destination wedding vacation mansion?:
    [QUOTE]I was planning to have a wedding/reception at a venue in Florida for up to 50 people but couldn't find anything under 8000. I'm on a low budget since its just fiance and I paying for whole wedding. I had posted for suggestions on other ideas and someone mentioned throwing the reception at a vacation home. I've been looking and found it to be a great idea because we are also paying for our lodging. I found a mansion on beach with 2 pools in the yard for the whole week 5000 with lodging for up to 20 ppl. Since all of our family/friends are traveling and were planning to get hotel rooms, we figured instead of them paying 75100/night in a hotel to ask everyone if they'd want to stay at the mansion for let's say 200/couple for the whole week!!!? We'd still be paying 2000 of it but to keep our budget where we want it so does this sound like a good idea? Or bad etiquette? I appreciate ur opinions. Thank you!
    Posted by tmejias31[/QUOTE]

    Don't do it! It's terrible etiquette and your guests will be upset.

    I was invited to a wedding in the Caribbean, and the hotel was over $500 a night. If you stay at another hotel, you would have to pay an entrance fee for the wedding, which is $100 a person. I was so happy that someone warned me about this ahead of time, so I didn't go. The couple shouldn't have to pay for my lodging, but they should pay for guests to attend the wedding.
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    NOLA has a lot of good points.

    Now we (parents really) rented a beach house.  We didn't have the wedding there, but we did have the RD there.  We stayed in the house with 19 other people (all my immediate family and a BM and her husband).    Honestly we travel like that often.  My parents own their own large beach house and we all (including the BM) spend 4th of July there most years.  So it's normal for us.  It's way more convenient for us.        Plus it's fairly common at the DE beaches and NJ shore for large groups to share a beach house.  I've spent many summers in large beach houses with multiple people/families.    Also my friends and us always rent a house somewhere around the country as a vacation.   It's just what we do.    

    Most of the people in the house were in the wedding.  So they were part of the craziness of getting ready for the wedding.  Now the plan was to stay somewhere else the wedding night.  Those plans got messed up at midnight after the wedding so we ended up staying at the rental with the rest of the family.  DH and I didn't care we just wanted a place to sleep, but it was clear the rest of them felt weird.

    Anyway, this is very much so it depends on your crowd.   For the right crowd  I do not think it's completely horrible idea.   Just don't get upset if people decide not to stay and do not count on any money that might come your way.

    More than likely maybe immediate family or WP might stay.  Others would prefer their own lodging.







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    I would much rather stay in a hotel than in a home with 20 other people! I don't like your idea in any case, but what if people don't chose to stay there? How will you afford it then?
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    In Response to Re:ok to charge friends/family for destination wedding vacation mansion?:
    [QUOTE]You said you wouldn't force anyone, and I do think giving the option is not HORRIBLE, though it does look kind of like you are hoping your guests will pay for your wedding. But if you need people to stay in order to keep it within your budget, what will you do if no one takes you up on it?
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Ditto this exactly.  It's fine to offer the rooms up to guests / family.  it's not okay to expect payment.  And it's a really horrible planning technique to *hope* your cost will be cut in half by generous family members.
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    Etiquette issues aside, this plan could backfire on you.  What if you book the place but most of your guests decide to stay elsewhere for some reason?  What if people commit to staying there but back out later?  Would you be on the hook for the entire cost?  I think you'll save yourself a lot of hassle if you just give your guests several different hotel options and let them take care of their lodging themselves.
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    Another person who would rather get a hotel for a couple of nights. Thinking about it, there are very few people I would feel comfortable staying with in a big house for a week. I would pretty much have to be your sister or best friend to not feel really weird sharing a house with all your family/close friends. And to spend an entire week's vacation time on your wedding/with your friends/family. DH and I don't get much vacation time as it is, and when we do manage an entire week off, hectic w/lots of people is not our ideal.

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    In Response to Re:ok to charge friends/family for destination wedding vacation mansion?:
    [QUOTE]I will definitely look into this... but I was looking for something on the beach.... any suggestions on that?
    Posted by tmejias31[/QUOTE]

    What part of Florida are you looking for? A beach wedding can be nearly free so a $2000 budget will get you pretty far. A public beach is free, all you really need to worry about is chair rentals and any decorations. If you want to stay at a hotel on the beach you can do so, I'm sure not all of your guests find it necessary to pay for that luxury.
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    I haven't read through all the responses yet...

    But it really depends on how you do this. We rented a ranch for our wedding and offered the wedding party the CHOICE of staying there for xx dollars. We also informed them of local hotels and made sure they were aware they could choose whichever they wanted.

    Most of them chose to stay in the house so they didn't have to rent a car or drink/drive during the 4 days there. We have a couple that asked to bring up their RV and stay on the ranch (the venue ok'ed it).

    If every single person opted to stay at a different location, we can afford the whole thing (tight, but can afford it).
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