Another Bridesmaid question

hannahlce

A couple of days ago, I posted asking when I should ask my bridesmaids. Our wedding will likely be Sept 2014, assuming everything goes as planned. 

I think the consensus was 6-9 months, but I think I may compromise, and ask my girls around Thanksgiving. Some of them are family, and Thanksgiving is a HUMONGOUS deal in our family, so that's what I'm thinking at this point...

BUT, let me ask  you this ... His sister is asking me a LOT about the wedding (what colors, where, etc). Is it okay to still talk to her about this? I think she has an idea that I'm going to ask, but it's not official . Some comments made on my previous post were that my bridesmaid would basically just get tired of me. 

Thoughts?

MayDay513

The 6-9 months is a good guideline. Thanksgiving is about 10 months from your wedding which isn't too bad. Yes, people will ask a lot because they are excited and want to help. However, I think the reason that most people say 6-9 months is that relational dynamics change. Also we've seen so many horror stories about people asking bridesmaids too early and then wanting to unask them (essentially terminating the friendship).

s-aries8990

I'd continue with some conversations about the wedding, but only if she brings it up. You don't want to annoy her I'd just delay asking until her Thanksgiving if you can so you can ask everyone close to the same time.

Maggie0829

Of course you can continue talking wedding with her if she brings it up.  If she asks about your WP then just say that you haven't decided yet and leave it at that.  But just because you haven't asked your girls to be BMs doesn't mean you can't talk wedding with them.

SJM7538

In Response to Another Bridesmaid question:
[QUOTE]A couple of days ago, I posted asking when I should ask my bridesmaids. Our wedding will likely be Sept 2014, assuming everything goes as planned.  I think the consensus was 6-9 months, but I think I may compromise, and ask my girls around Thanksgiving. Some of them are family, and Thanksgiving is a HUMONGOUS deal in our family, so that's what I'm thinking at this point... BUT, let me ask  you this ...  His sister is asking me a LOT about the wedding (what colors, where, etc). Is it okay to still talk to her about this? I think she has an idea that I'm going to ask, but it's not official . Some comments made on my previous post were that my bridesmaid would basically just get tired of me.  Thoughts?
Posted by hannahlce[/QUOTE]

I think ten months is okay. A bit early but thats when I asked and everything turned out fine.  I would just be leary about asking them at a family function or in front of a big group of people. If they can't commit for whatever reason (financially, previous committment) then they may feel pressured into saying yes when they really can't.

My cousin did this to me. We aren't super close as adults but we grew up together and she asked me to be a BM. I wasn't in a place financially to do it but she asked me at Christmas in front of our entire family. I felt pressured to yes because I didn't want my family thinking I was a bad person or questioning why I said no. I wasn't about to get into my finances with them.

hannahlce

In Response to Re: Another Bridesmaid question:
"In Response to Another Bridesmaid question : I think ten months is okay. A bit early but thats when I asked and everything turned out fine.  I would just be leary about asking them at a family function or in front of a big group of people. If they can't commit for whatever reason (financially, previous committment) then they may feel pressured into saying yes when they really can't. My cousin did this to me. We aren't super close as adults but we grew up together and she asked me to be a BM. I wasn't in a place financially to do it but she asked me at Christmas in front of our entire family. I felt pressured to yes because I didn't want my family thinking I was a bad person or questioning why I said no. I wasn't about to get into my finances with them.
Posted by SJM7538"

I should have been clear. I thought maybe the week before or so. The girls in our family get super excited about "announcements", so asking them the week before gives than opportunity to say no, or an opportunity to tell everyone at Thanksgiving. It's actually my FI family, but I've seen this happen at after his cousins have picked bridesmaids etc. I totally agree that it would be stressful to ask in front of a big group!