Wedding Etiquette Forum
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standing ceremonies

Hi ladies, are standing ceremonies ever okay?

Disclamier: I think it's a bad idea, hoping to hear some gentle ways to steer someone away from it. My wedding in in a church with plenty of seating :)

Re: standing ceremonies

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    Thanks, ladies. I really just want to be ready with some bullet points of why it's rude when is comes up on conversation again.
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    I can't stand for long periods of time, so I'd be upset if I showed up and there was no seat. Same for anything, though, not just a wedding ceremony.
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    In Response to standing ceremonies:
    [QUOTE]Hi ladies, are standing ceremonies ever okay? Disclamier: I think it's a bad idea, hoping to hear some gentle ways to steer someone away from it. My wedding in in a church with plenty of seating :)
    Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

    Sure!  Elopement ceremonies with just the bride and groom!  ;)

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    No they're not okay. I've now been to two. No one could stop talking about how awful it was
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    There may very well be guests with pain issues the bride & groom don't know about.

     I distinctly remember doing Relay for Life with a friend the summer we graduated from college, and the weather was changing. My friend was very fit and I was in okay shape.  Our turn was in the middle of the night, and pretty much everyone else on the track was age 60+ - theoretically more likely to have issues with joint pain than a couple of 22-year-olds.

    Guess who had to detour back to our group's site to pick up their knee braces and an ibuprofen to ward off onsetting knee pain and limps.  Both of us, even though neither of us frequently had issues and had only brought our braces "just in case."
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    I'd be totally fine standing in flats for 45 minutes (which is what a "10 minute" ceremony translates too when you get there 20-30 minutes early and don't leave immediately), but no way I could stand in heels unmoving for that long.  My feet and knees would be spent so I wouldn't be dancing at the reception.
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    hmmm...... suppose when it's a 5 minute ceremony with plenty of seating before the ceremony for people who get there early (ie opening to reception area) it wouldn't be too bad. I mean, still bad etiquette-wise because, as PPs said, there could always be injuries or conditions that you don't know about.

    In short though, no. It's never ok etiquette-wise. It's just considerate to give people chairs.
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    No. Absolutely not. When I was heavy, I couldn't stand for longer than 20 minutes, even in flats or sneakers. Additionally, what about older guests? My mother can hardly walk across a room because of the pain in her feet from neuropathy. There's no way she could stand for longer than a few seconds.

    This is just a bad idea all the way around.
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    No way. Any situation where I have had to stand in one place in heels has been agony for me and I am in GREAT shape. I can only imagine what it would be like if I had an injury.

    Does she want her friends to focus on their ceremony or how much their feet hurt? I personally would spend the whole time waiting for it to be over.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    No way.  Everyone needs to be able to sit down.  Even if everyone present is able-bodied, there needs to be a place for each person to sit.
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    I chalk this up to another win by The Knot! Before I started lurking on these boards last year, I figured I would just provide seating for a few older guests or those with medical issues because our outdoor ceremony will be so short. Thanks to posters here, I realized that not only does every. body. need. a. seat. but that ceremonies are always longer than you think they will be and that people will probably ONLY be thinking about the fact that they don't have a seat while we're saying our vows! So yes, everybody will have a seat at our wedding. The only exception to that rule I can think of is maybe where a bride and groom are married by a justice of the peace and it's just their parents with them? Even still, there has to be a few chairs somebody can find...
    Anniversary
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    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited May 2013

    I have a knee injury.  You can't tell by looking at me, I walk just fine. But standing in one spot or walking downhill KILLS my knee.  My knee injury also has had some random affect on my lower back.  If I stand in one spot for more than 5-10 minutes, you'll see me nervously and uncomfortably shifting from side to side. 

    My ceremony was crazy short.  Our ceremony was scheduled to start at 3pm.  The actual vows were less than 10 minutes. We started about 4 minutes late, and I could see guests arriving around 2:15. Most arrived around 2:30-2:40.  Even with a 10 minute ceremony, that meant guests would have been standing for between 30-60 minutes.

    OH, and plusalso. About half way through my 10 minute ceremony, our officiant asked guests to stand and we did a community acknowledgement of support.  Well, the officiant (who is a good friend) forgot to say "you can be seated" after.  So, most people stood the rest of the ceremony.  It was probably 5 minutes, and I still heard from a few people that (a) it was uncomfortable and (b) they couldn't hear very well after they stood.  It seems like the # of people in the way acted as a buffer for sound.

    This has been suggested lots of times, but have your friend get dressed up and go stand in her driveway or in the kitchen or similar location for 40 minutes. No moving, no walking around, and no sitting down.   That's uncomfortable even for a healthy person.

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    This doesn't answer your question at all but whenever I hear people ask about this I always think of my step-sister's wedding. It was in a church and we were all in the pews but the after the bride entered the pastor forgot to tell us, "you may be seated". And since apparently the church was full of a bunch of rule-following Lutherans, no one sat. Ever. It still makes me giggle when I think back to all of us exchanging looks trying to figure out who would be the first person to sit. My step-sister said she kept looking back at us all standing and was so confused.

    So, lesson here: if you are ever officiating a wedding, make sure you have "you may now be seated" written in bold on your script. 
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