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Should I send a shower gift?

I received a shower invitation for a shower that's 7 hours away for 3pm on a Sunday afternoon.  I had a locker next to this individual in high school (so 6 years ago), and have only seen this individual twice since then when she dated my BIL.  She is marrying a totally different guy, the wedding is also on a Sunday evening, so we will not be attending.  I do talk to her occasionally on facebook chat, but I think it's really reaching to invite someone 500 miles away that you are not close to or related to to your shower. 

Would it be totally awful if I just sent a card, no gift, for the shower, then sent a wedding gift when we get our invite?  WWYD?  I don;t want to seem rude, but we're buying a home, and my law school loans will start coming due, and I haven't seen this person but twice in 6 years! 
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Re: Should I send a shower gift?

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    morainemommorainemom member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I personally wouldn't send a gift or even a card.
    You aren't being rude because, as you stated, you are only casual friends/chatters.

    (I am guessing you did not invite her to your shower or wedding?)

    You don't have to send a gift for the wedding, either.

    I received an invite in the mail this past week from someone I hadn't had any contact with in about 8 or more years.  I had totally lost track of them.  I just sent back a "Declines with regrets" on the RSVP card.  I won't be sending them a gift and I have no guilt in not doing so. :)
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    edited December 2011

    No this person was not invited to my wedding or shower.  She does know lots of the details of my wedding because she has asked questions what I did, or how to do this or that, and she has seen photos on facebook.  She called me once since my wedding to talk about her wedding dress, but I didn't even have her phone number in my phone. 

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    edited December 2011
    I agree. I think it might be weirder if you sent a card and no gift as opposed to nothing. I would not feel guilty at all.

    If you feel guilty, then for her wedding, maybe send like $20-$25 in a congrats card, but I really don't think I would send anything for the shower or the wedding.
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    morainemommorainemom member
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    edited December 2011
    I really wouldn't send anything to either the shower or the wedding, then.

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    LaFemmeRousseLaFemmeRousse member
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    edited December 2011
    I definitely don't think you need to send anything for the shower, even a card.  I don't think you would be required to send a wedding gift, but if I was in your situation, I still would.
    7.17.10

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    edited December 2011
    I already purcahsed and filled out a card, but I can just pitch that.  lol. Thanks for the opinions ladies.  I just hate to hurt her feelings, but obviously she's not that clsoe to me, so why should I worry. 
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with LaFemme... I held off on answering to see others' perpectives b/c that's a tough one. I don't think she'd be offended/disappointed if you didn't send one, but I'd send something little.
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    edited December 2011
    something just for the wedding then Kim? Or something little for the shower and then something for the wedding?
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    edited December 2011
    Hmm... I think for both may be overdoing it, so I'd tend to say just for the wedding. That could be a nice balance between not sending anything vs. a gift for both the shower and wedding. Just my 2 cents of course! I don't think it's wrong to not send anything, but that's just what I'd do.
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    edited December 2011
    I'm with Kim and LaFemme and send something small from the registry for both once I receive my wedding invite.

    We did that for people we are not close to and spent about $20 on a photo album they had on their registry.

    It is a nice, inexpensive way to say you care, but not "let's be best friends forever!" :) LOL!
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    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't worry about the shower. Most people who didn't come to mine didn't send a gift or card unless they were family. I would, however, send a wedding gift or at least a card. It doesn't have to be much, but I think its a nice gesture.
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    edited December 2011
    Sounds like a plan!  Who knows, maybe I'm not invited to the wedding, just the shower! lol
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