Joint vs combined savings

JD47

My fiancé and I were discussing opening a joint account. He wants to combine all our savings into one account. I want to put 60% of our salary into the joint and the rest in our personal savings. We both don't want to budge to a point he says he can't marry someone who doesn't want to put all our monies in one account. I feel strongly about having a joint and separate. What do we do???

entropicbeauty

Go see a counselor and discuss openly and honestly your point of view.

If you're not able to compromise on this, it doesn't bode well for your future with this man.

Wzz

financial counselor all the way. 60% seems like an arbitrary number to just trhow out there, not knowing if that has anything to do with your incomes, the difference between your individual incomes, and your joint expenses.

and then a couples' counselor to deal with his statement that he refuses to marry someone who won't have a joint acount only. that's pretty bold of him.

tawillers

Ditto the counseling.  What are each of your reasons for the way you want to handle the money?

Have you disclosed your financial histories with each other (debts, credit scores, etc)?

6fsn

Yep, counseling. 

I will say, the attitude about the savings accounts is more important to me than the actual paperwork.  DH and I kept separate checking and savings for years, but we were on the same page with the goals of the accounts.  He's still a "dump it all in one account" and I like to have accounts for everything- car, house, vacation, Disney, etc.

RaptorSLH

Definitely counseling - I don't want to be alarmist, because this could be just a difference of opinion, but it could be a warning sign about his views on your rights to privacy and independence after the wedding...

fmbyo

I'm going to go the other way and say agree to it, but then come home 2 weeks from now and act all upset because you had to take a pay cut. Secretly sock away 40% into a savings plan. Invest it, make millions, and flaunt your wealth in front of him.

j/k - counseling, for sure.

baconsmom

I agree with everyone on counseling, but I have to say, I wouldn't want to marry someone who wouldn't want joint accounts, either. I don't think that's strange at all, nor is it some terrifying harbinger of future abuse. Some of us just feel that marriage is a 100% partnership - including money. 

NOLABridesmaid

I'm not married, but I like the idea of joint/separate/separate checking accts. Joint for household expenses and a separate acct for some fun money. I'm too old not to have some fun money. Yes, it needs to be an agreed upon amount, but still.

tawillers

I am with bmom on joint everything, but I know it doesn't work for everyone.

I don't understand why people think you DON'T get individual fun money when you share everything.  If I wanted to go do something alone, I could and so could DH.

Wzz

well, the OP has one post under her (it's?) name, and now she's gone. another post and run.

kerbohl

In Response to Re: Joint vs combined savings:
[QUOTE]I'm not married, but I like the idea of joint/separate/separate checking accts. Joint for household expenses and a separate acct for some fun money. I'm too old not to have some fun money. Yes, it needs to be an agreed upon amount, but still.
Posted by NOLABridesmaid[/QUOTE]

I agree with this - joint for household stuff, separate for money for things you want/need.  It makes you responsible for contributing to household stuff, but it is always nice to have freedom with some of your money.  Yes, it is nice that everything is shared, but it's also really nice to save some money for yourself that you get to chose how to spend. 

RaptorSLH

I don't understand why people think you DON'T get individual fun money when you share everything.  If I wanted to go do something alone, I could and so could DH.

But everything you do would be subject to his review and judgement.  You could never buy anything he wouldn't be able to question and criticize.

It just wouldn't work for us.  Mr Raptor and I both need more privacy and independence than that.  Some things are just mine.  Some things are just his.  And because we love and trust each other, there's no problem respecting that.

I suppose I can a couple working out if neither needs that privacy, but if one person does and the other won't let them have it, you have big problems.

hmonkey

i will say that dh and i only have a joint account, and he doesn't really criticize or judge my purchases. it's not like i can or need to hide stuff from him -- i bought a ball of twine for $6 and he just wants the receipt so he can reconcile the credit card at the end of the month.

it is possible, but it may not be for you. 

the other thing is -- it may not be forever.  dh and i have had separate, private accounts so we can buy whatever, but for us, they were stupid and we just didn't care that much about "hiding" things.

RaptorSLH said:

But everything you do would be subject to his review and judgement.  You could never buy anything he wouldn't be able to question and criticize.

It just wouldn't work for us.  Mr Raptor and I both need more privacy and independence than that.  Some things are just mine.  Some things are just his.  And because we love and trust each other, there's no problem respecting that.

thejucheidea

We have joint checking and savings then personal accounts. 15% of income goes to personal accounts and 85% to joint, and on each payday, I move some to our savings.

TiaTea

Savings or checking or both?
I believe that every couple needs a joint account for bills , rent, food , etc. You can put in equal amounts , or % of your income. A joint saving would be nice  too for married couples. You can out something directly in the saving, or just transfer whatever is left in the end of the month in the "bills account" .
But it is absolutely necessary to have your separate cheking accounts. It's not about trust. It's about convenienece. If you use joint checking account, every time you want to buy something , you have to call SO and ask if he has paid something recently, that may have not yet been posted. You have to keep track on both yours and his purchases:  " He booked the hotel for the next month trip, did they post the charge yet?"  " Is he going to order those computer parts now, or can I buy those 7for all mankind jeans?" , "Hey honey , I withdrew $100 cash yesterday and we had $40 left in the account, but now I cant fill up at the gas station, and the bank says that we are in overdraft. Oh, you got concert tickets this morning?"  etc.
Besides , if you only have a joint account, every time you buy him a birthday or Christmas present, he gets the "price tag" with the account statement.

tawillers

TiaTea said:

Savings or checking or both?
I believe that every couple needs a joint account for bills , rent, food , etc. You can put in equal amounts , or % of your income. A joint saving would be nice  too for married couples. You can out something directly in the saving, or just transfer whatever is left in the end of the month in the "bills account" .
But it is absolutely necessary to have your separate cheking accounts. It's not about trust. It's about convenienece. If you use joint checking account, every time you want to buy something , you have to call SO and ask if he has paid something recently, that may have not yet been posted. You have to keep track on both yours and his purchases:  " He booked the hotel for the next month trip, did they post the charge yet?"  " Is he going to order those computer parts now, or can I buy those 7for all mankind jeans?" , "Hey honey , I withdrew $100 cash yesterday and we had $40 left in the account, but now I cant fill up at the gas station, and the bank says that we are in overdraft. Oh, you got concert tickets this morning?"  etc.
Besides , if you only have a joint account, every time you buy him a birthday or Christmas present, he gets the "price tag" with the account statement.

That ::waving hand:: is a MESS of a couple financially.  That couple won't be saved by separate accounts.  That couple is more concerned with individual money first and household stuff second (withdrawing $100 knowing they needed to fill the gas tank, while the other is purchasing concert tickets).

OMG, we have to communicate with our joint accounts!  Oh noes!

As I said before, sharing everything isn't for everyone.  It works for us.  DH and I trust and don't judge each other's purchases.  Yes, we do discuss purchases of $X+, but we don't feel held down by the other person by doing so.  It's part of our marriage and we're good at it.

Anyway, the couple in that example is NOTHING like DH and I.  We communicate on the daily about everything and we ENJOY that.  We are not concerned about making sure we have $200 jeans before our bills and savings accounts are paid.

anssett

Wow. Some people make it so dramatic and complicated. I like having a joint account for simplicity of finances, and not having to keep a large buffer in a checking account. Both our paychecks go there. The bills come out automatically. It's SO simple! We spend everything on credit cards and pay them off every month so I've never wondered if there was enough for gas in my checking account. That sounds like lifestyle exceeds your income if you're cutting it that close. 

As for 'fun money'. We're grown ups. We buy whatever we want. We also live within our means. It's pretty simple!

wittykitty14

My FI and I have joint checking and savings accounts.  They've been mine since I turned 18, and he moved closer to me and needed a local bank, so he was added to my account.  It's been really convenient, and has been great way for us to communicate even more about our finances.  When our finances are more stable, we do plan on having separate savings accounts, where a very small amount of our money will go.  The only reason we want to do this is because it sucks when you want to buy a gift for the other person, knowing the purchase location is in the statement.  NBD for in-store purchases because we can use cash, but it's a pain for online ordering.  Typically, if we know what store the other is buying from, we have a good idea of the gift.  It takes away the surprise!  But that's the ONLY reason we've considered having anything separate.  So far we haven't had any problems having a joint account, and it's actually been really awesome.

MissMolly

While I do agree with one of the PP that marriage is a 100% partnership, I do think that it's a good plan to be able to stand on your own 2 feet, if need be. I agree with the OP, in that some of what each person earns should certainly go into a joint account, but some should also certainly go into each person's current account. I believe that what a person has before marriage should remain that person's; the joint savings start when the lives meld. Personally speaking as well, I would never marry someone who tried to push me into doing something that I felt strongly about not doing.

MissMolly

I don't think it's so much about hiding things, as it is about having a little freedom to buy yourself something. I sure wouldn't want to be in a bookstore and calling home to ask permission to purchase a novel that I'd like to read!

hmonkey said:

the other thing is -- it may not be forever.  dh and i have had separate, private accounts so we can buy whatever, but for us, they were stupid and we just didn't care that much about "hiding" things.