Wedding Etiquette Forum

Ugh! Person not invited to wedding coming to shower. Should I just let it go?

My mom just told me her cousin's wife rsvp'd to my shower with her daughter. Her daughter is not invited to our wedding. I know this is so, so wrong but my mom confirmed that she knows she's not invited, but her cousin's wife doesn't drive and really wants to come to the shower.

This is a cousin my mom reconnected with in the past few years. She said I used to play with the older 3 of his 6 daughters when I was younger but I don't remember them at all. She originally wanted me to invite her cousin, his wife, and the 6 daughters who most likely all have SO's to the wedding, but inviting 14 people I don't know seemed crazy to me. We agreed that I would just invite him and his wife.

So should I just not say anything about the daughter coming? After all my mom is hosting the shower, not me.

Re: Ugh! Person not invited to wedding coming to shower. Should I just let it go?

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    I wouldn't worry about it. She wasn't really invited to the shower either. She's just driving her mom. It'll be fine.
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    don't worry about it.  It sounds like she's clear on the situation, so you're fine.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'd speak up.  The daughter might think she was invited to the wedding if she's invited to the shower.  If the daughter wasn't invited to the shower in the first place, your mom's cousin's wife had no business including her in the RSVP.
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    itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited May 2013
    Since the lady doesn't drive, I think this is fine to have her daughter attend so SHE could attend. NBD.
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    I know it has been talked and talked about here that is a no-no...

    But, my MOH surprised me with a shower to which she invited several co-workers that are not invited to the wedding.  We are having a small intimate wedding.  I had talked to her about just going out for a drink with a couple of the ladies that are invited...that didn't happen.
    We had a fabulous "wine-shower" and everyone had a great time.

    there wasn't much to do other than have a great time :-)

    So, in your case, if they are aware of and the mom can't drive...I would just let it go!
    Even if etiquete says no!
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    Her name wasnt on the shower invite.
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    tlc35tlc35 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    As long as the daughter is clear that she isn't invited to the wedding, I would let it go.  Since her mom doesn't drive I think if she is willling to come for that reason it is fine.
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    mc4dj13mc4dj13 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    If your mom is hosting the shower then I would let this one go. The daughter is only coming because her mother (wedding guest) needs a ride. I don't see it as a problem, unless others get wind of it then they might feel left out seeing as someone who isnt even invited to the wedding itself went to the shower. 

    I guess it's an exception to the rule because I always thought the ladies invited to the shower were the same ladies invited to the wedding, granted they could get time off for both events.
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    If it was just her I'd probably just add her to the wedding to make it right, but they have 5 other daughters. That would be almost 2 tables worth of people we don't even really know.
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