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Jack & Jill?

So who gets invited to a Jack & Jill if you have one instead of a Shower? I was under the assumption, like a shower, only people who are also invited to the wedding?

My best friend's wedding was last summer, which I was honored to be one of her BMs. So I was very inolved with planning of the shower and the B-Party and with all teh events got to know all of her home town friends (who are all still a very close knit group). Great girls, had a blast with all of them at every party! At the B party we tooks a photo of the bride with the other 4 girls that were there that were also engaged (doing one of those cheesy flash your ring pics).

Well #3 is up next and I got a FB invite to her Jack & Jill. At first I was like "wow that is so nice of her! we got along great but didn't think I was invited to her wedding or anything!" then I took a closer look and saw that there were 500 people invited on this FB invite! The summary says also says invite whomever you want.

Tickets are $15 per person to come and then there are raffle tickets to purchase as well (although the raffle prizes look pretty awesome! concert tix, tvs and more!)

Anyways I have never seen this before, almost a public event to raise money for your wedding? My best friend wants me to go... but I feel weird?
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Re: Jack & Jill?

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2013
    I just threw up a little all over your Jack and Jill invitation. It might be all the cake I ate yesterday. Or it might be the idea of the Jack and Jill. 

    You should feel weird. Fundraisers for weddings are absurd. Don't go!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Please no Jack & JIll.... one of the worst ideas out there as far as wedding things are concerned.

    Anniversary

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    Fundraising for your wedding just seems so.. gross.  Fundraising by taking money from people who won't even be able to benefit by being invited to the wedding? Even more gross.  I certainly wouldn't go and I'd probably be offended that I was considered good enough to take money from but not good enough to invite to the wedding.

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    Yeah... I'm not a fan of a fundraiser for a wedding.  Host what you can afford.
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    Events like this are usually pretty regional. Where I'm from (Winnipeg, Canada), it's more than socially acceptable to have a "social", like this Jack and JIll thing.

    Everyone keeps asking me when our "social" is, then gives me a funny look when I say we AREN'T having one.

    They're done, but still poor etiquette though.

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    Wedding fundraising is bad enough, but asking for money from people who won't even be invited? srsly? I'm wondering what the bride would say if she were here... Speshul snowflake who's paying for her OWN wedding? Her friends and family, all 500 of them love her and therefore understand her speshul circumstance? It's what EVERYONE in her culture or region does. Her family would HATE her if she didn't go door to door like a girl scout asking for money. Her friend is DEMANDING to throw her one, whether she likes it or not! So she HAS to go! She has no choice! I want to know why the bride AND groom are asking for what would be over 7,000 dollars from fb friends.
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    I just don't understand the point of a Jack and Jill.  I've heard you (general you) provide food and drink and entertainment.  So why not just use all the money you spent on that to have a wedding like that?
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    That's always my question, too, MissHart. It's like, if this is what you can afford to put on, then this is what you put on!  You don't get people who are not even invited to the wedding to give you money so you can host OTHER people better!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    I was already pretty sure I wasn't going to go.... just wanted to make sure I wasn't the weird one for thinking this was ok!
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    I thought "Jack and Jill" just meant it was a couples' shower, meaning the groom would be there, so both sides were semi represented, male and female.  

    This sounds like a crazy event that has nothing to do with a wedding.  Doesn't sound like a shower and sounds more like a charity event.
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    KDM323KDM323 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    What?  I've never heard of this!  I've heard of Jack & Jill showers/bacherlor/bachelorette parties but not fundraising for a wedding

    That's an entirely new level of tacky!!!
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    In Response to Re: Jack & Jill?:
    [QUOTE]I thought "Jack and Jill" just meant it was a couples' shower, meaning the groom would be there, so both sides were semi represented, male and female.   This sounds like a crazy event that has nothing to do with a wedding.  Doesn't sound like a shower and sounds more like a charity event.
    Posted by libby18bell[/QUOTE]

    I think in some circles, a Jack and Jill shower is just a couples shower (at least in mine, it is).  I had never heard of the fundraising think until reading about it on TK.
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    Some places, Jack & Jill is a couples shower. From OP's description, however,this one is the equivalent of a Stag & Doe. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    In Response to Re: Jack & Jill?:
    [QUOTE]I thought "Jack and Jill" just meant it was a couples' shower, meaning the groom would be there, so both sides were semi represented, male and female.   This sounds like a crazy event that has nothing to do with a wedding.  Doesn't sound like a shower and sounds more like a charity event.
    Posted by libby18bell[/QUOTE]

    It pretty much is a charity event.  With the bride and groom playing the part of the charity.
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    In Response to Re:Jack amp; Jill?:
    [QUOTE]Wedding fundraising is bad enough, but asking for money from people who won't even be invited? srsly? I'm wondering what the bride would say if she were here... Speshul snowflake who's paying for her OWN wedding? Her friends and family, all 500 of them love her and therefore understand her speshul circumstance? It's what EVERYONE in her culture or region does. Her family would HATE her if she didn't go door to door like a girl scout asking for money. Her friend is DEMANDING to throw her one, whether she likes it or not! So she HAS to go! She has no choice! I want to know why the bride AND groom are asking for what would be over 7,000 dollars from fb friends.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    I like this idea. They should do away with all the "cute" ways of asking for money and make people who still want to ask for it do this. It would be super awkward as it should be. Maybe then they would get it. 
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    It's pretty common to do the fundraising jack and jill in my area, but I still think its terrible. I usually don't go, because it's SO blatantly a cash grab. FI has DJ'd a few though.

     

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    mc4dj13mc4dj13 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    I thought a Jack and Jill party was a joint batchelor-batchelorette party which I do NOT agree with.
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    FI went to what I think was referred to as a "stag party" up in Buffalo once.  From what I remember, it was mostly thrown by the older male relatives of the groom who wanted to throw cash at him for things. They all played poker, smoked cigars, and I can't remember if there were raffles.  He said it was a great time, but the idea of it still makes me uncomfortable.  While it's not appropriate, it's nowhere near as inappropriate as what this girl is planning-- a facebook invite? 500 people? So grabby.

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    Yeah, I just found out what a "Jack and Jill" party really is via a previous post on my month board... from the cover charge to the raffle tickets/prizes and the cash bar, just thinking about it makes me want to throw up! How tacky!!! 

    This is obviously NOT popular in my area because I've never heard of it and if anyone around here actually tried something like this I think they'd have a rude awakening. Honestly, I can't even imagine explaining such a thing to my friends and family without offending them. What a horrible idea! Yuck! 

    Besides, a shower is a completely different concept... a party hosted by someone close to the couple with the intention of celebrating their upcoming nuptials and "showering" them with gifts. The event itself is a gift, which is offered by the host(s) thus setting the tone for a truly gracious party that in NO way implicates the couple as greedy or gift grabby, which is what I think the "Jack and Jill" concept does right off the bat! 

    I really hope this trend fades away and doesn't gain popularity anywhere else. As if weddings are not already surrounded with drama and crazy etiquette faux pas, this one is truly at the top of the cray cray list.

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    kerbohlkerbohl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Re: Jack & Jill?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jack & Jill? : My friend's sister is getting married this summer, and she had a Jack and Jill last month. Our entire social circle was invited to the Jack and Jill, even though only one of them was invited to the wedding. No one seemed to mind, though. I think it might be a Canadian thing. I showed up towards the end (and dodged the $10 entry fee), but it did seem like fun. Everyone was happy to buy $2 drinks and raffle tickets all night. That being said, I still wouldn't have one. To me, it feels like asking for money, and I'm always really touchy about that.
    Posted by perfectisboring[/QUOTE]

    They are common in my area as well (southern Ontario), and are not the same as Jack and Jills, though maybe this is a new terminology I am not aware of?  Jack and Jills are, as mentioned, a co-ed shower.  These paid events are always either called Stag and Does or Buck and Does. 

    I will probably not have one, and if I do "fundraising" for my wedding it would probably be along the lines of a  garage sale, which isn't really wedding related, come to think of it, just getting rid of junk . . .  But that being said, I want all of my friends to have Stag and Does because I think they are really fun to attend.  I don't care if I'm not going to the wedding - it's just cool to party in a room full of people I know.  And I don't even drink, so these kind of things can be a riot even without alcohol.  That's just my opinion - yeah, it seems weird to be gouging people for money, but if you can successfully put on a party, the money I spend seems worth it.  I'd rather go to a Stag and Doe than a random club somewhere with even more overpriced drinks. 

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    LeguLegu member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    You guys have so many different names for different parties, I get completely lost. As far as I know over here [UK], you have an engagement party, possibly a shower, and a stag or hen party. Then the wedding. That's it. Engagement parties from what I can make out are the same, as are showers. The guys have a stag party, and the women have the hen party. These are the equivalent of your bachelor/ette parties.
    So, maybe things don't always go as planned... Maybe that's okay. I may be alone for now, but my baby boy is on his way, and I wouldn't change a thing.
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    In Response to Re: Jack & Jill?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jack & Jill? : They are common in my area as well (southern Ontario), and are not the same as Jack and Jills, though maybe this is a new terminology I am not aware of?  Jack and Jills are, as mentioned, a co-ed shower.  These paid events are always either called Stag and Does or Buck and Does.  I will probably not have one, and if I do "fundraising" for my wedding it would probably be along the lines of a  garage sale, which isn't really wedding related, come to think of it, just getting rid of junk . . .  But that being said, I want all of my friends to have Stag and Does because I think they are really fun to attend.  I don't care if I'm not going to the wedding - it's just cool to party in a room full of people I know.  And I don't even drink, so these kind of things can be a riot even without alcohol.  That's just my opinion - yeah, it seems weird to be gouging people for money, but if you can successfully put on a party, the money I spend seems worth it.  I'd rather go to a Stag and Doe than a random club somewhere with even more overpriced drinks. 
    Posted by kerbohl[/QUOTE]


    I'm also from Southern Ontario! Toronto? I've been to a Stag and Doe that was a co-ed bachelor party, as in, the bride and groom paid for everything. The Jack and Jill was the fundraiser. But, everyone always calls them something different.

    I like your garage sale idea. I'm doing something similar for fundraising. Not asking my friends and family for money, but selling old clothes to raise money.  It's not much, but it will pay for the flowers, which really helps.
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    kerbohlkerbohl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Re: Jack & Jill?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jack & Jill? : I'm also from Southern Ontario! Toronto? I've been to a Stag and Doe that was a co-ed bachelor party, as in, the bride and groom paid for everything. The Jack and Jill was the fundraiser. But, everyone always calls them something different. I like your garage sale idea. I'm doing something similar for fundraising. Not asking my friends and family for money, but selling old clothes to raise money.  It's not much, but it will pay for the flowers, which really helps.
    Posted by perfectisboring[/QUOTE]

    I'm just outside of Toronto!  Which is where so many people from Southern Ontario end up being from . . .

    Exactly my thinking - I'm going to have random stuff, and FI has furniture that I just don't really like (he has such a boy's place, and after the wedding I'm moving in with him and want it to be less . . . completely male) so it makes sense to have a garage sale and use the money for something wedding related.  Even if you don't make lots of money, you get rid of some old stuff that you don't really need.  And I might add in some baked goods to sell, just because it gives me an excuse to bake.  And no headache from a Stag and Doe!

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    kerbohlkerbohl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to Re:Jack amp; Jill?:
    [QUOTE]Another point is that those awesome raffle prizes are usually expected to be "donated" to the couple as well by whoever wins them. At least, that's what I've always heard from people who have attended similar events.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I have not heard that from the ones I have gone to, but the prizes are usually donated to the couples beforehand so they can raffle them off and get all the profit.  So for example, I put together a movie package at my own expense, give it to the couple, and they then raffle it off and keep the money obtained by the raffle.  If I win something at these parties, that's mine, and I've never had somone pressure me to donate it back.  It's how I got my awesome tool kit that I use to fix stuff around my house!

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