Wedding Etiquette Forum

Week of wedding, what's up with my mom?

We are getting married this Saturday. This past week, my mom (best friend) has been so weird. She doesn't appear to be happy. At all. She told me she can't be excited because I don't want to do a bouquet toss... umm what? She told me last month she didn't care who I picked to walk me down the aisle, but then yesterday said she was crying becuase my dad is walking me.

Am I missing something? What can I do here? It's like she is dreading our wedding and it's making me so sad. She's my best friend. Do moms get sad their daughter is getting married? Is she really THAT upset over not having a bouquet toss?

Maybe she is just stressed and mostly I am just venting :(  I am hoping in the next day or two she gets happy. It's going to be a long weekend if she is moping around the whole time.

Re: Week of wedding, what's up with my mom?

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    This sounds completely normal for MY family - does your mom get easily emotional? Not being happy because you're not doing a bouquet toss makes it sound like she's just stressed and wound up. Why not go get a massage with her to loosen up, or take her out to lunch?

    She'll loosen up eventually, but she might use a couple more excuses to be stressed or unhappy before that happens. When she does ("You didn't invite my hairdresser's daughter!!"), just give her a hug and then change the subject.
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    My mom can be like this, too. I think it's because she's 1) in menopause and 2) because I'm the 'baby' getting married and it's a big transition. My older brother also just got engaged, so a lot is going on in our family. 

    Since you're so close, can you have a heart to heart? Or maybe just go get your nails done, don't talk wedding and relax together. 
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    Is it a big deal if you have a bouquet toss?  Seems like an easy thing to accomodate for her if you're not dead set against it. I'm not throwing my bouquet, I will have a toss bouquet. If you don't have one, you could add one to the florist tab easily if you call now.

    She shouldn't be crying about your dad walking you down the aisle (at least in front of you). That's not something I'd change.

    I agree, go have a mother daughter day to smile and enjoy each other. I think she will be happy come wedding day. There's a lot she's processing this week
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    I think she's probably just stressed and feeling extra emotional because you're getting married, not that she's sad you're getting married, just that it's a big life event. I doubt she's actually upset about the bouquet toss, for example. My mom was like this in the days leading up to the wedding too. Just keep letting her know you love her.
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    My mom has already had a few little meltdows like this, and we're 6 months out. I agree with all the PPs that it's just due to it being a huge life event, and she is being over emotional about things. I agree that a mom/daughter day would be nice, and to continue reassuring her. 

    But it's funny - my mom was actually upset about me not doing a bouquet toss, either.  In our case, we're in our mid 30's, and most of our friends are in serious relationships or married. I didn't want to force the few that aren't to do a bouquet toss. Not that there is anything wrong with being single - it's just that at our age and place in life, it seems really awkward to do one. 

    All that said - I do think that our moms sometimes approach the wedding with as many expectations as we have for our own, and sometimes when they differ, mom takes it personally/thinks we're "throwing tradition out the window" (in my case), etc. She will be excited, however, so hang in there and chalk it up to emotions running high. 
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    As a MOB, I'd say the impact of the fact that you are getting married and moving on the next phase of your life is hitting her.  I went through a similar thing.  DD and I are very close, I love my SIL and am very happy they are married.  But, in that final week leading up to the wedding it all just became more real and the fact she was no longer going to be my little girl, but someone's wife hit home.

    Try and schedule some time for a lunch or mani/pedi for just the two of you.  It will be fine and she'll get over it.

    Congratulations on your wedding and enjoy.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Have there been other times when she was like this?

    If this seems to be a one-time, wedding-related thing, then you might do best by just waiting her out.  You can say something along the lines of "I'm sorry you're feeling unhappy; let's talk when you're in a better mood."  That better mood might come again after the wedding, at which time you can talk things through. 

    If this is routine for your mom, you can say something like, "Mom, I would like to enjoy my wedding.  I'm sorry you're not happy about all of my decisions, and I love you very much, but your moping is making that impossible for me.  Please recognize that none of the decisions being made are for the purpose of hurting you."
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    HA! my mom too. She knew my dad was walking me down since day one. then a this past saturday. ( my wedding is three weeks away) gave me a sad face and said why cant i walk you down too. i shot that down right away. then she complains my shoes are stupid and a bunch oher things.  She also down my throat about my fiance not having a best man(who got deployed to iraq) UGh mama drama. It must be crazy mom emotions from all the stress and excitement.

    What people dont understand in my opinion is that its our wedding and not theirs and their feeling and advice is wanted but final decision is on us. And you shouldn't feel bad for not wanting or wanting certain things at your wedding.
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    My mom has been like this a lot lately. She got really upset about the bouquet toss too. I was a little confused, and then I realized she's probably had a vision of my wedding in her head since I was a baby. I'm her only daughter and the last to get married. She's picturing all of these magical moments that I pretty much shot down when we decided to get married in Vegas. ;) So, for all of the things she'd compromised on with her vision (which, to be fair, she never pushed on me), I think the bouquet toss was the last straw.

    I explained that there will only be two single women (for real) at our wedding, if they can even come. If they don't come, then it's all married women. I said I didn't want to single out the single ladies and make them feel awkward, and that I can't exactly toss it to the married couples. We compromised by having an anniversary dance. The florist is doing a toss bouquet, and I'm going to gently toss it to the winners of the anniversary dance.

    Anyway, there's a chance your mom is just emotionally-charged right now. This is a HUGE milestone in your life, and no matter how old you are, you're still her baby. :)
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    This mom is stressed that all the little details will come together and that everyone will have a good time. Sunday a friend came over and took me for a short walk. Then yesterday another friend came over and took me for a twenty minute walk around the neighborhood. Today another friend stopped by. PP's are right that she needs a diversion. Those short walks really helped.
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