Wedding Etiquette Forum

FFIL says disinvite guest we didn't care about inviting in the first place

This is confusing even for me.

So, FI's dad's brother's wife (so, FI's aunt but not by blood) has a sister who requires a service dog. A legit 100% service dog. At FI's aunt and uncle's son's wedding (FI's cousin), the bride was afraid of dogs so they (aunt and uncle) asked aunt's sister to leave the dog at home. Obviously she flipped out. Maybe she flipped out too much, though, because she threatened to call the news crews to come out them as people who discriminate against those with disabilities. I understand the outrage, but I also think that was a bit unnecessary. I think she should have just declined to attend. Eventually she was allowed to attend with the service dog.

This wedding was like 2-3 weeks ago, so obviously a lot of guests were asking FI's parents about our wedding coming up in August, including FI's aunt's sister who FI's dad insisted we include on our guest list. FI's dad is paying for about 80% of our wedding, so we let him include all 150 guests he wanted to invite (we're inviting about 270 total, and his 150 doesn't include people FI's mom wanted to invite or that my parents wanted to invite, etc). FI's mom admits to making small talk about our wedding with FI's aunt's sister. 

(I know, this is getting confusing, stay with me.)

FI's aunt called FI's dad and said that she expects a personal apology from FI's mom for encouraging her sister to attend our wedding in California (FI's mom is flat out refusing), and she is also insisting that we do not send her sister an invite despite verbally inviting her and sending her a save the date. FI's dad says sometimes you just have to choose sides, and we need to choose aunt's side. We did a lot of eye rolling. 

So, here's the thing: I really don't want to do that. I think it's a public slight since we're inviting FI's aunt's sister's husband's MOM (if that made any sense) and the entire rest of the effing family. I think they're sisters, and they'll eventually make up and then we'll look like the a-holes who disinvited someone to our wedding.

BUT FI's dad is paying, and he says we can't invite them. FI's mom wants us to do it anyway, but although she's married to FFIL, she does not get a say in how their money is spent most of the time. On top of that, FI and I literally do not know FI's aunt's sister at all. So much so that FI thought she was aunt's mother. Essentially she's FFIL's guest, but neither parental set wanted any part of hosting the wedding, so our invites just say FI and my name invite you to yada yada (not even together with their parents). 

So, I leave it to you folk: is this a hill I want to die on?

TL;DR: FFIL is insisting on behalf of his sister-in-law that we disinvite a guest we don't really know and didn't care about inviting in the first place, but we think that's ishtty. 

Give me some words of wisdom. (please)
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Re: FFIL says disinvite guest we didn't care about inviting in the first place

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    I don't even know... all I can say is good luck, it sounds like you need it. 
    "Anyone can wear a white gown, but only a bride can wear a veil". ~Randy Fenoli Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    So FFIL INSISTED you invite "Sarah" and now is insisting that you " uninvite her? Am I reading that correctly? What are the chances she'll actually come? Wasn't she making a stink about traveling?
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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    edited May 2013
    I would ignore this whole situation. Sounds like a lot of drama. And, no, anything involving my FI's AUNT's SISTER who no one seems to like is not a hill I would ever die on.
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