Wedding Etiquette Forum

Parents inviting extra guests

So my Fi and I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves minus the wedding rings which are a gift from my parents. Now both my parents and my in-laws are asking us to invite this coworker and that friend of the family and so on, and so on... Seeing that we're their children and because we both realise that our wedding day is something special for them as well we both see no problem in both of them asking people they'd like to share that with (for my father-in-law, friends of the family can be counted as part of the family). 

But extra guests aren't free and especially not 24 extra guests in total... Our parents aren't paying any money for the wedding but we wonder if we can't ask them to pay for the guests if they want everyone to be there (not the drinks, we're having an open bar so we can't really look at that) or to see if they can't skip a few guests. A third option that's open is the fact that since we haven't ordered our caterer yet we can lower the budget/guest on the food-section.

And one extra question, if we ask them to pay for the guests they invite, does that mean we need to mention them on the wedding invitations.

Re: Parents inviting extra guests

  • edited May 2013
    Tell them you can't afford to invite their guests, or that you can only afford X number of them. If they offer to pay, give them the full price per person, including invitations, centerpieces for the extra tables, etc.

    Edit: And no, they don't need to be on the invitations. The invitations indicate who is hosting, not necessarily who is paying.
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  • Could you give each parent a number that they can invite without having to make them pay? It sounds like you need to set limits to them so they know where to draw the line.
  • Ditto Banana and Allie. I would give each of them a set number and tell them you can't afford any beyond that. If they offer to pay, give them the cost. But if the numbers raise the number of tables you'll need, then you'll need more centerpieces. You may need more favors, programs, and any other extras you're having. They may not be so interested when they see the $$$ going up for them. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Ditto PPs. This type of conversation will also be helpful in preventing them from remembering more people down the line that they simple have to invite. They may grumble a little when you talk to them about it, but as long as you are firm and gracious in explaining how thrilled you are that they want to share their happiness with their friends, but that there simply isn't room in the budget for that many people, everything should work out just fine.
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  • Fi and I just looked over our budget and our venue and decided that it's final, we're going to tell them that each pair can invite 5 guests, anything beyond that is not our budget's concern. We have a guest list of about a 108 guests at the moment. 24 guests extra on top of that is just a lot! It would mean a huge raise in our budget and seeing that we're getting married in New York it would truly be too much. The 10 guests now is already going to be a lot of money. But we love them all four so we're more than happy to give them at least that.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Tell them that it is outside your budget to invite any more guests than a specific number.  If you give them any extras that they expect you to accommodate, their demands for more invitations won't stop.

    Make it clear that either they pay for the extra guests, or the guests don't get invited.  No matter how much you love your parents, they should not expect you to go broke entertaining people you wouldn't otherwise invite.
  • Fi and I just looked over our budget and our venue and decided that it's final, we're going to tell them that each pair can invite 5 guests, anything beyond that is not our budget's concern. We have a guest list of about a 108 guests at the moment. 24 guests extra on top of that is just a lot! It would mean a huge raise in our budget and seeing that we're getting married in New York it would truly be too much. The 10 guests now is already going to be a lot of money. But we love them all four so we're more than happy to give them at least that.

    This sounds good. Might I suggest making it an even number for the sake of couples? 4 or 6?
  • I agree with PPs. It's nice of you to accommodate some of their requests. I would give them a set number for each side that you are willing to pay for and tell them that's what you can afford.

    If they offer to pay for the balance, that's great. Just keep in mind the figure it costs you per person in addition to the meal (favors, alcohol, tax, invites..etc..) when determining the value you expect them to pay.
    image   imageimage
    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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