Wedding Woes

Feeling hurt

I never got a wedding, really. Since H and I both lost our jobs, we got a tiny ceremony with my H's parents and sister, his grandmothers, his Aunt (who married us) and his cousins. My father and uncle were the only people from my side there, and my mother (who was in the hospital) was on speakerphone. We WERE going to just go to the courthouse, but his mother and my mother vetoed that idea. I wore slacks and a nice shirt, as did H. So we got married, had some sandwiches, and then everyone went about their day. His sister went to work, we went back to his parents' house, where we're living for the time being, and that was it. Nothing special except that it was the day we got married.

That being said, is it so wrong that I want to have a bigger ceremony for our extended families and close friends on our one year anniversary? A vow renewal of sorts, for those who never got to see our vows exchanged, but really the wedding we never got to have. We'll have the money for one, my parents bought me a gorgeous, expensive looking but very cheap (for a wedding gown at least) gown that I LOVE. It's ivory, not white, which I think is appropriate. I want to have attendants, and H is fine with that. His friends want to stand with him and (I hope) mine want to stand with me. We're not doing a full on reception. We'll be doing a BBQ with some music, great food, and a chance for our families and friends to mingle and get to know each other. We'll probably have a friend take pictures so we at east HAVE "wedding" pictures, which we really don't right now. After all, his family is mine and mine is his now, so it would be nice if they all met. I'm talking like, 80 people (us included) hanging out in a park eating great food. Like a family reunion, but dressier (at least on my part ;P).

Is it wrong to want to have the "wedding" we never had, big dress and a few attendants but minimal decorations? I know some people try to recreate their weddings for a vow renewal, but since I never really had one to recreate is it weird to want to have one?

Re: Feeling hurt

  • Eh, I had a vow renewal.  We didn't call it anything else but a vow renewal, requested no gifts and didn't do all the activities that would've surrounded a wedding.  We were dressed up, with attendants and we all had a blast. I even had one guest write on the RSVP that it was a cool idea.  We eloped with little notice to any friends and people were pretty disappointed.  We had a blast and people still talk about it.  I've had comments asking if we would have another one at 10 years.

    So, I guess what I'm saying is if YOU want to, go ahead and do it.  Maybe some of our guests judged, but they all seemed to enjoy the food and open bar enough and DH and I grinned all damn day and were exhausted at the end of the weekend.  

    There will be people who tell you they don't like it.  There will be people like me who support it.  Do what you want with your money.  Just don't be dishonest about what it is.
  • SBminiSBmini member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper

    I responded to your first post. 

    No one is saying you can't have an awesome party, honestly, but you're not a bride and will look silly if you try to be. If you didn't walk in your college graduation, you wouldn't put a cap and gown on a year later and pretend its the same thing, would you? 

    Yes, it is weird. Take it from a stranger with no emotional attachment. People will talk behind your back. We're not trying to be mean, but help you from embarrassing yourself. 

    If I were you, I would go on vacation with your husband to somewhere gorgeous (by yourself!), hire a photographer, wear your dress and have a private vow renewal. 
    This just makes me really mad for some reason. Just because it's been a year she can't *be* a bride? OP- fuck the haters. If your family supports your decision go have your wedding and have fun. Why is this so awful but people who have a destination wedding and a reception a few weeks later OK. Is there really an expiration date here? I feel like some people are too caught up in tradition and are forgetting about peoples' feelings and own personal wishes.
    image
  • OP, whether or not it was a big affair, it was your wedding. I would take VarunaTT's suggestion, and do a vow renewal- they can be equally as beautiful and touching as a wedding.
  • SBmini said:

    I responded to your first post. 

    No one is saying you can't have an awesome party, honestly, but you're not a bride and will look silly if you try to be. If you didn't walk in your college graduation, you wouldn't put a cap and gown on a year later and pretend its the same thing, would you? 

    Yes, it is weird. Take it from a stranger with no emotional attachment. People will talk behind your back. We're not trying to be mean, but help you from embarrassing yourself. 

    If I were you, I would go on vacation with your husband to somewhere gorgeous (by yourself!), hire a photographer, wear your dress and have a private vow renewal. 
    This just makes me really mad for some reason. Just because it's been a year she can't *be* a bride? OP- fuck the haters. If your family supports your decision go have your wedding and have fun. Why is this so awful but people who have a destination wedding and a reception a few weeks later OK. Is there really an expiration date here? I feel like some people are too caught up in tradition and are forgetting about peoples' feelings and own personal wishes.

    No one is "hating".  She is married, therefore, unless she gets divorced between now and the next wedding, she isn't, in fact, a bride.  That isn't someone hating. that is a fact.

    when someone has a DW and an at home reception a few weeks later, they don't have a re-do fake ceremony. It's normally just a party to celebrate their recent marriage.  No one is saying OP shouldn't have a party.  they are saying, she is married.  Skip the fake re-do.

  • I'm confused about something, OP.  On your post, you seem to still be debating having a vow renewal.  But your parents have already bought you a wedding dress?  Wouldn't that imply that you are already going through with this, and whatever we say makes no difference?

    My suggestion - yes, have a party to celebrate your recent marriage.  But please stop belittling your actual wedding.  It was a wedding, and it may not have been the dream wedding you expected, but it is still extremely important.  That was the day you became a wife - no matter what it was like, it should be looked at fondly, and the party you will have is in no way more significant than your wedding day.  Please never say again "nothing special, except that it was the day that we got married" because it was very special no matter how it went down!  You got married - celebrate!  And have your big party and celebrate and remember that special day with your family and friends!

    Also, lots of people have photo shoots after their wedding day.  Sometimes it is the "trash the dress" shoots, but sometimes it is so you can have a photo shoot outside the stress and time restraints of the wedding day.  It will be nice for you to have pictures of you and your husband in fancy attire, so having wedding photos done sounds like a good idea. 

  • I'm sorry your wedding wasn't what you wanted, truly. And I think you should definitely hold a nice big party with dresses and good food to celebrate your marriage with your family. But please don't try to re-create the wedding your wanted, because you already had a wedding. Have a vow renewal if you really feel you need your family to be part of this.
  • I'm certainly not hating. And for the record, I don't condone at home receptions, personally. 

    I'm trying to save OP from people talking behind her back and rolling their eyes. I think my last suggestion in my PP would be a great compromise. 
  • I will never, ever understand how so many people can think a white dress makes a wedding more than the lifetime commitment does. Priorities, much? Fancy parties with attendants and white ballgowns were never key components of weddings in the past, but rather things that only rich people did. People who simply didn't have the money for those things didn't still feel entitled to have them the way people apparently do now.

    God, I feel old, ranting like this. And I'm only 25. I'm ashamed of my own generation sometimes.
    image
  • @artbyallie , I'm with you and I'm 23 :)
  • You are married, and that is clear.  But I totally understand where you are coming from.  Don't call it a wedding, but rather just a vow renewal.  If anything, people love a great party and would graciously come.  (I know I would)  

    A wedding ceremony is a time to celebrate the union of two families IMHO, so its neat to have an opportunity to have that a year after a wedding. 

    Your not a bride, but I think you can deserve the opportunity :)   
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards