Proper Etiquette for Addressing Invites...

phillychica85

Hi ladies,
I had some questions re. invites

-If a couple lives together and isn't married, does the female's name go first?

-For a woman that is married but kept her maiden name, would it be her name and then his name (with the "and" inbetween the two?)

-When saying "and guest" should guest be captialized? (Anyone in an actual relationship I am having written out the other person's name, this is just for people that aren't in one but I want them to be able to bring someone if they want...)

TIA for all your help and responses,
Julie

LaFemmeRousse

1. Yes, the lady's name should go first.

2. Yep, that's right.  "Anne Smith and Douglas Jones"  (And unmarried people should never be joined by "and," technically.)

3. Yes, capitalize- "Anne Smith and Guest"

phillychica85

Thanks for pointing that out about #2!
(in afterthought I can see why that should never be, namely my brother's girlfriend of 6 1/2 years...)

kbielak17

I know etiquette says the woman's name goes first if it's a couple that's together but not married, but if it was a guy friend, I put his name first. It made more sense to me than putting some person that I may not even have met first.

Oops, guess that makes my wedding invalid!

duqcheer04

KBielak17- Mine will be invaild as well!  I agree with you, if it is a male friend that we are inviting but don't really know the S/O I'm going to put the male friend's name first! haha

phillychica85

I'm going to be a pest with my postings, but for an unmarried couple that lives together, should I have the calligrapher put the woman's name on the first line and guy's on second? Or, should they still both be on the same line, just sans the "and"? (I'm sorry if that's painfully obvious or understood, such a neophyte at this...)
Thanks!

LaFemmeRousse

That is what I'm doing for unmarried couples who live together- woman's name on one line, man's name on a second line below.  I can't really figure out any other way to do this without the "and" in between.  And I really don't think much of etiquette is painfully obvious, haha

kbielak17

Oh good, we'll be invalid together

kime31

Here is another question:  I hate putting Mr. & Mrs. His Last Name especially for my younger friends who are married.  So if I am putting both of their first names do I omit the Mr. & Mrs. and just put Jane & John Doe or do I put Mrs. Jane & Mr. John Doe?

KimWard

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-pittsburgh_proper-etiquette-addressing-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:116Discussion:8b4d5930-1cf4-47ec-83de-4049bbaa5272Post:2746fa43-8913-46c8-abbf-012079f2bfa3">Re: Proper Etiquette for Addressing Invites...</a>:
[QUOTE]Here is another question:  I hate putting Mr. & Mrs. His Last Name especially for my younger friends who are married.  So if I am putting both of their first names do I omit the Mr. & Mrs. and just put Jane & John Doe or do I put Mrs. Jane & Mr. John Doe?
Posted by kime31[/QUOTE]

Hmm... I'm not sure, but I think omiting Mr. & Mrs. sounds better, though that would make it less formal. I just did it the traditional way of Mr. & Mrs. His FirstName LastName.

LaFemmeRousse

Kime, I personally really dislike "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" and refuse to do it for my invitations.  There are a couple of options:

1. Omit the "Mr. and Mrs." altogether.  This is what I'm doing: Jane and John Smith.  If the "Mr. and Mrs." are not present, the woman's name always goes first.

2. Just write "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and leave out any first names.  The "Mr." always goes first when titles are present.

It's not really proper etiquette to separate the first names from the last one- so "Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith" isn't really something you're supposed to do, although I have no idea why.

brivb10

To answer severl ?s ago, it should definitely be 2 lines for men and women unmarried.  They are technically supposed to be indented different ways, but I did not have my calligrapher do that (the entire address was centered on the invitation). 

kime31

Thanks for the answers again ladies - you guys are the best!  I really dislike the idea of using the guys first and last name because to me you just loose the entire identity of the woman in the relationship - just a silly pet peeve that I have.  But then again I'm not sure that I am going to take my FI's last name - probably something I should figure out soon, lol.  He's okay with whatever I decide which is nice but doesn't make the decision any easier.   But thanks again!