Wedding Etiquette Forum

Thank You Notes - Shower

My shower was yesterday.  2 people came and didn't bring presents, do I still write them thank you notes for attending the shower?  And am I right to think they're rude for not bringing presents to a shower?

Re: Thank You Notes - Shower

  • They should have brought presents, but it would have been rude to use their lack of presents on arrival as an entrance barrier.

    I think you're off the thank-you hook for them though.
  • I think it's really odd that they didn't bring a gift, but just let it go. You don't have to write a thank you.
  • When I had my shower, one of my moms close friends who's like an aunt to me came, and didn't bring a gift, which I thought was odd. I wrote her a thank you for coming (because I was happy to see her, and genuinely WAS thankful that she had come) but she hadn't brought a gift so that was all I thanked her for. Two days later a huge box comes in the mail. Turns out, she had bout us four gifts, and just didn't want me to have to deal with lugging all of them from the shower to my house, so she paid extra to have it delivered to me. (wrote her another thank you note for those, haha!) Do you think this might have happened with one or both of these ladies?
  • Maybe they're sending something in the mail. I wouldn't count on it though as usually people in that situation usually bring a picture of the item or write in your cards it's coming. I'd find it odd that they didn't bring a gift, but wouldn't really dwell on it. I wouldn't send a thank you. You might unwittingly come off as being snarky.
  • Did they throw the shower?



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  • Good question.  What is the acceptable time frame for shower thank-yous?  I had my shower on Saturday and put my thank-yous in the mail today, mostly because I didn't want to have to do it when I came home from my honeymoon.  I think a couple of weeks is acceptable, but maybe I'm wrong?
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  • They should be sent ASAP. Two weeks is about max.
  • Daizy914 said:
    that is a good question--1FairMaiden makes a good point-maybe they are having it mailed? But if that is the case, then how long does she wait until she decides if she should send a thank you card or not?


    Worst case scenario she's sending two thank yous (and she doesn't HAVE to send a thank you just for coming - it's 100% optional).  I would write all the TYs as soon as possible (within 1 week is best; two max).  Save those for last if you are planning to send them.  If you finish all the others and there's no gift in the mail and you WANT to write a thank you just for coming go for it. 

  • I heard time frame for thank yous would be as soon as you can and the LATEST would be 2months after the wedding.
  • lringue said:
    I heard time frame for thank yous would be as soon as you can and the LATEST would be 2months after the wedding.

    for wedding thank yous.  For shower thank yous they should absolutely be out before the wedding.  Unless the shower is within a week of the wedding, in which case I could see sending them after, but still within a week or two; not months.
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