Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Wedding party snag..

OK, here's the deal:  My fiance is from Spain, and I am from the US.  We are getting married in the States.  He has a very small family, and most of them will be able to come to the US for the wedding.  Even some friends will be joining us from Europe. 

Problem:  My fiance has one brother (who may not be able to come to the wedding at all), and his best friend (a girl) that he wants to have stand up for him.  Potentially he might want his one cousin to stand up as well.  So maximum: 3, potentially just 1 or 2.  I, on the other hand, have 2 friends, and 3 sisters I want to include on my side.  I have 2 sisters, 1 sister-in-law, 2 brothers, and 2 brother-in-laws.  I would really like to include them all, but my fiance is uncomfortable having people he's not really close to stand up for him, especially because so few of the guests will be people he knows.

I never considered uneven numbers until I started looking at the posts on here.. I'm not opposed to the idea at all.. But if we do uneven numbers (3 to 5, 2 to 5 etc) how can I include my brothers??  I am really close to them!  I want them to be a part of it all...


Re: Wedding party snag..

  • Options
    Your brothers can stand on your side, which I realize makes the "uneven-ness" greater, but only you can decide if symmetry is more important than your family.

    Or your brothers can be ushers.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Options

    Are ushers really that honorable of a position?? And if I put them on my side its going to make it seem almost like I'm ganging up on my fiance!  I don't want him to see a crowd behind me... just me! But I have considered putting the brother that I am closest to on my side, but I feel that will be more of a snub to my other brothers than an honor to the one..

    This is tough!! Thanks for your thoughts though!
  • Options
    Your brothers can be bridesmen, just as ladies can be groomswomen  - the "rules' don't apply like they used to. 

    If it really makes your FI uncomfortable having people he is not close to stand up with him, then please do not make him have your brothers on his side. 

    How far out is the wedding?  If you have over a year to plan, then I would not make rash decisions on the WP just yet.  Wait and see what develops.  It seems like you need to pare down how many are on your side.  While you are close to your brothers, and that is great, that will not change simply because they are ushers in your WP. 
  • Options
    Being an usher is an honor equivalent to being a groomsman. In my family, the terms are used interchangeably. Ushers are part of the wedding party and can wear the same thing that the groomsmen wear. They should be included in the rehearsal and rd.

  • Options
    I have 6 Bridesmaids, 1 Bridesman, and 4 Groomsmen. The Bridesman is standing on the Groom's side, but he's more my friend. For pictures you could even out the party on each side, but in the programs you could have the "official-titles". They wouldn't really be standing for your FI.

    I agree with PP about waiting on the WP decisions. The original WP had agreed to be in, then dropped out, and are now back in! I went from 4 ladies to 6! :)

    Also put lots of thought into who u pick, and know that you are picking people for the right reasons. And when you are with your WP friends and Non-wedding party friends talk about other things not just the wedding. (it's easy to get caught up in the planning!)
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Options
    Thanks for the advice everyone!  Of course I don't want to make my Fiance have people he's not comfortable with, that's why we're looking for other solutions.. 

    Maybe I can do 6 on my side, one of my brothers (to walk down my Fiance's female "best man") then the other 3 be ushers.  Would it be weird to have just some people stand up during the cerimony? So my fiance doesn't feel outnumbered so much?  Like just have my MH and on BM and the rest sit in the front row with my parents and his mom etc??  Just brainstorming..

    Our wedding will be late this year, we don't know exactly when yet because we have to wait to get a Visa for my fiance to enter the country (anywhere from 5-9 months) so it could be October or December.  When is the latest we should ask the people we want to have in the WP??

    Thanks again :)  This is so helpful!
  • Options
    oops, just realized my typo

    **2nd paragraph:

    "Like have my MH and one bridesmaid and the rest sit down in the front row with my parents and his mom"

    That's what I meant!! :P
  • Options
    In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:10Discussion:2f5d5567-7c84-47ed-98bf-47e31eb642bcPost:e7196391-de4c-4c84-8e57-bad6db46c081">Re: Wedding party snag..</a>:
    [QUOTE]oops, just realized my typo **2nd paragraph: "Like have my MH and one bridesmaid and the rest sit down in the front row with my parents and his mom" That's what I meant!! :P
    Posted by CarlesnEm[/QUOTE]

    I think this would be a good compromise as long as everyone understands the reasoning behind why they are sitting down and the others get to stand.
  • Options
    Just another option: why not have your brothers be ushers and readers at the ceremony.
  • Options
    Thanks all! I think (thanks to all your help) that we will find a very happy middle ground :)
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards