Wedding Etiquette Forum

Do I have to ask her to be my bridesmaid?

I have a friend from high school I used to be close to, but have drifted apart from for the last 5 years or so. She asked me to be her bridesmaid in her wedding a few years ago, but I have not talked to her much since (just the occasional facebook comment/like). I plan on inviting her to the wedding since we were close for a long time, but is it etiquette to ask her to me one of my bridesmaids since I was in her wedding?

Re: Do I have to ask her to be my bridesmaid?

  • Not at all. Bridal parties are not tit for tat. You should ask the people with whom you are closest now, not people you feel obligated to ask.
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  • Definitely not. That sounds awkward.
  • Nothing in etiquette says you need to ask her since she asked you. Ask the people who are important to you and no one else.
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  • Nope. Why would you ask her if you're no longer close?
  • You are not obligated to ask her to be a BM. If you don't want her to be one, I'd recommend not asking her. I asked one out of obligation (because she kept bugging me to be one) and I wish I hadn't.
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  • No, there's no quid pro quo for weddings.  Just because you were in someone's wedding party doesn't mean that person has to be in yours.  Base it on who you are currently close to.
  • @tiny speck I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being rude since she had me in hers. I didn't know if I was expected to ask her.

    The whole reason this came up is because of this old friend's cousin ( I work with her). She was inquiring about the wedding not to long ago, and asked who my BP is going to be..and if this old friend would be one of my BM. I tried to politely brush it off and said it's too early to formally ask anyone yet. She seemed to realize I was trying to end that convo and responded "Well you were one of HER'S weren't you?" I bean dipped her and moved away from the conversation immediately. The old friend hasn't showed any interest in being a BM, but the way her cousin acted made me second guess myself and wonder if I was in the wrong if I don't ask her.

    Thank you ladies, appreciate the feedback.
  • bnrandall said:
    @tiny speck I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being rude since she had me in hers. I didn't know if I was expected to ask her.

    The whole reason this came up is because of this old friend's cousin ( I work with her). She was inquiring about the wedding not to long ago, and asked who my BP is going to be..and if this old friend would be one of my BM. I tried to politely brush it off and said it's too early to formally ask anyone yet. She seemed to realize I was trying to end that convo and responded "Well you were one of HER'S weren't you?" I bean dipped her and moved away from the conversation immediately. The old friend hasn't showed any interest in being a BM, but the way her cousin acted made me second guess myself and wonder if I was in the wrong if I don't ask her.

    Thank you ladies, appreciate the feedback.
    The bolded just means that this lady is immature. I've been a bridesmaid a five times, and only two of those ladies will be my bridesmaids. We all understand that friendships change. We also understand that if you had every one of your old great friends up there, you'd have a 40 WP. 

    Don't worry about it. :)
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