Bridal Party Covenant/Promise for Marriage Accountability

marissaismyname

So, I know the MOH and BM will sign our marriage license, but I'd also like for the entire bridal party (three couples in our wedding are married to each other) to sign a covenant that they will hold us accountable in our marriage... like if one of us is off track or expecting too much from the other, etc. Friends of mine are going through divorce because she is being unreasonable in her requests of him. And the MOH went to her, but she doesn't care, so I want to make sure that the people standing with us can support us in our marriage. Is this a weird idea? And if it isn't, is there a place where there is a pre-scripted covenant/promise they can sign?

pesematology

That sounds like an intense thing to ask of your friends. I'd sit down with each person and talk to them about the idea, and if they're enthusiastic about it, they can probably help you more than anyone here could to write down what they're comfortable committing to.

Blue_Bird

I don't think it's "weird", just a lot to ask of your friends. In theory, it sounds nice, but I would not feel comfortable being given this responsibility. It's good to have an unbiased opinion on things, but bringing outsiders into your marriage (even close friends who care about you) can unwittingly be toxic to both your relationship with your husband, and your relationships with your friends. The more I think about it, the more I think it's a bad idea.

By the way, just because you and the maid of honor have surmised that this divorce is being caused by her "unreasonable requests", doesn't make it so. You really have NO IDEA what goes on in people's private homes and in their marriages. I think the maid of honor was out of line, frankly.

If you feel you need outside help in your marriage, I'd go to a trained marriage counselor.

gmcr78

Ditto PP's.  Absolutely not a good idea.  I wouldn't want to sign something like that.  What happens in someone's marriage is absolutely none of my business and it's not up to me to keep them "accountable".  What does that mean, anyway?  I wouldn't want someone intervening in my marriage or any relationship if they thought I wasn't holding up my end of things. Nobody knows what happens in a relationship between 2 people, even if they think they do.

SilverSarahB

I wouldn't sign contracts or anything like that.  However, you can absolutely talk to your close friends about you hoping that they'd be willing to help steer your right in your marriage.  The weird part to me is that I would think that you would have talked about this to them BEFORE asking them to be in the wedding party.   It's kind of like asking someone to be a Godparent of a child--people are willing to have that big responsibility, but they understand their responsibilities first

I'd probably approach it like "You're my best friend(s) in the world.  I've been thinking about what my marriage is going to be like, and how hard marriages can be, and I hope that if I ever do something stupid and you find out, you're willing to tell me point-blank that I'm being stupid.  I don't want to mess this up, and you've always been good about keeping me sane and not-stupid."  You can personalize it to who you're talking to, but you really only want to talk about this with people that you would turn to for advice anyway, that already offer advice in your life. 

winelover123

marissaismyname said:

So, I know the MOH and BM will sign our marriage license, but I'd also like for the entire bridal party (three couples in our wedding are married to each other) to sign a covenant that they will hold us accountable in our marriage... like if one of us is off track or expecting too much from the other, etc. Friends of mine are going through divorce because she is being unreasonable in her requests of him. And the MOH went to her, but she doesn't care, so I want to make sure that the people standing with us can support us in our marriage. Is this a weird idea? And if it isn't, is there a place where there is a pre-scripted covenant/promise they can sign?

I'm sorry, but I do find this odd. It isn't your friends responsibility to make sure you don't do stupid stuff regarding your marriage. Hopefully you have friends who will truthfully tell you if you're being an idiot (I know I have some like that!), but that's just because that is who they are. No "covenant" is going to change your friends' personalities if they are not straight forward. I'd find this a very odd request and would refuse it.