Wedding Etiquette Forum

bride as a bridesmaid question

posted this in hair and makeup and it was suggested I ask here....sorry for reposting ....I am recently engaged and am a BM in a friends up coming wedding this summer. I have been reading a lot about etiquette and rules and such as I am planning my wedding. My friend who I am a BM for a had originally said, we could pick the dress and shoes with various parameters (e.g. off white. boots) then got progressively pickier about the style/cut/fabric of dress and shoes, which I accommodated (by returning several sets of shoes/dresses). She originally said hair/make up should be natural and now wants us to do it "mod" style with some degree of boufant and winged eye liner. She has "offered"  for us pay to use the hairstylist/make up people she hired for hers. I guess my question is, as a bridesmaid am i obligated to do this? It seems pretty particular to me and not something i am used to doing, from my understanding, if she wants it that way, she should pay? What are appropriate ways to respond to this request? I don't want to make it about me but I feel like she's being a little too particular

Re: bride as a bridesmaid question

  • You do not need to pay for your makeup for her wedding. It is serious bridezilla territory to dictate the type of makeup style. 
  • I would just do my own make up and/or hair.  I would want to have my make up/hair done in a flattering way that makes me feel comfortable.

    Anniversary

  • You are not required to use her hair stylist. If she is requiring it then she needs to pay.
  • she's being ridiculous.  She shouldn't have any say over your hair or makeup (be it done professionally or by yourself she shouldn't be dictating the style either).  I would not acquiesce to her request unless you normally do that sort of style and are comfortable with it.  She'll get over it (if she even notices)

    As for the dress/shoes - it's pretty shitty of her to change the rules mid-game, but I'm guessing she had a picture in her head and didn't realize people would find such different things.  On the bright side it sounds like everything was returnable so you're not out money, which is good.

  • ok thanks for the replies I appreciate it. Just wanted to confirm I wasnt being a pain in the ass. I will go with doing my own hair/make up in a way i am comfortable
  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2013
    You definitely have the right to wear your hair and makeup as you're comfortable if you're responsible for the expense. I'd add short wings to your eyes to appease her and do whatever you want with your hair. Because "mod" stands for modern and basically everything is modern.
  • Nope - you're not "required" to do this. Even if she was offering to pay for it, you could still decline if you're not comfortable. She's being an unreasonable bridezilla.
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  • Wait.An off-white dress, boots, and mod makeup/hair? Is she having you look like 60s go-go dancers?
  • gmcr78gmcr78 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    LMc0322 said:
    Wait.An off-white dress, boots, and mod makeup/hair? Is she having you look like 60s go-go dancers?

    Ditto this!  This is exactly what I was thinking.  PP's made good points about the bride, so I don't have anything to add to that.  This look she is going for sounds like a mess and I'd be annoyed that she's dictating this level of detail. 
  • Is she being a little crazy? Yes. But... it seems like she has a vision in mind. I would let her know that you'll be doing your own hair and make-up, but you'll be happy to incorporate the style she wants. While, I think it's weird to dictate the style of hair and make-up - I guess I can kind understand if she has a specific look she's going for. For ex; maybe she wants a retro-vintage feel and wants everything to be cohesive? Like I said, it's weird. But, not a hill to die on. Appease her as best you can without driving yourself crazy. 
  • thats all very helpful advice, thanks again! and yes she is going for 60s "mod" theme for part of it...its definitely her vision and although i dont get it at all I am going to try and be a good bridesmaid and not distract from it 
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