Wedding Etiquette Forum

Uninvited Guest – Help!

Background – FI and I are paying for our wedding.  It’s a destination wedding in Las Vegas.  It’s our favorite place and it means a lot to us to get married in our favorite hotel.  In doing this we knew we would have to keep the guest list small and limited to only close family and friends.

His mother was a little sad that her best friend was not on the list, but we explained to her that we can only afford our close family and friends and we want a close intimate wedding where we know everyone.  We did discuss with them a potential B list option, but that the possibility of it was probably highly unlikely.  (which in hindsight was not the best idea, because now realize the money we would save with any ‘no’ RSVPs could be put to better use, more appetizers, full bar, etc. for the guests that are coming) 

Current – we were at his parents house for dinner and his mom asks if people can come to the ceremony that are not invited to the wedding.  We said no that would be awkward.  She then told us that her best friend and husband would be coming to Vegas and would like to see us get married even though they know they are not invited to the reception.

This caught us off guard and I felt really uncomfortable so I quickly changed the subject.

We are on the same page that having them there would make us uncomfortable and he is willing to speak with his mom.  We just have no idea what he should say. 

Does anyone have any advice?  Any help would be greatly appreciated!  

We had our dream wedding at Mirage on May 3, 2014! 
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Re: Uninvited Guest – Help!

  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2013
    First off, definitely don't B list. Use any extra money on upgrades as you say and not on new invites. B lists are rude (you're essentially sending the message that not only were your original guests replaceable, but then you start ranking your friends one by one which isn't cool. B-listed guests often find out that they were second choices and it's just bad. Don't do it.

    As far as your his mother's friend... is your venue in a public location? Depending on where it is, you might not be allowed to restrict anyone from coming (like if it's a church, you can't bar anyone), but in either case I'd definitely tell your mom have him tell his mom you both feel very uncomfortable essentially inviting this lady to only part of your wedding.
    Though... you could also tell your his mom they could come if she covers their plates. Or you could let them come as a gift to your his mother.

    ETA
    I'm a bad reader
  • Thank you, and yes I'm with you on the B list.  It was a bad idea and we don't want to do it anymore.  
    The venue is semi private and they will only allow guests into the area that have been invited. 

    We have thought about having them pay for extra guests, but that just feels like we are selling seats to a show.   We also feel like it could get out of hand with both sides wanting to pay for extra guests.  
    We had our dream wedding at Mirage on May 3, 2014! 
    image
  • Have your FI call his mother and explain to him that uninvited guests will not be allowed into the ceremony space. Are they paying at all? If they are, then that opens them up to having say in the guest list. 
  • We are paying for everything the entire weekend ourselves.  
    We had our dream wedding at Mirage on May 3, 2014! 
    image
  • Then they get no say in the guest list. Since it's your FI's mother, have him make the call. He needs to be on your side about it, or you'll get pegged as the bad guy. 
  • Then they get no say in the guest list. Since it's your FI's mother, have him make the call. He needs to be on your side about it, or you'll get pegged as the bad guy. 
    This.  Your FI needs to make very clear to his mother that no additional guests are invited or can be accommodated at the ceremony or the reception, and he is a team with you on this-he can't throw you under the bus.
  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2013
      @ktbabe said....."Current – we were at his parents house for dinner and his mom asks if people can come to the ceremony that are not invited to the wedding.  We said no that would be awkward.  She then told us that her best friend and husband would be coming to Vegas and would like to see us get married even though they know they are not invited to the reception."

    I might be able to understand this logic if the wedding were being held in your hometown. But in this case, I cannot imagine that guests would travel to Las Vegas 
  • mobkaz said:
      @ktbabe said....."Current – we were at his parents house for dinner and his mom asks if people can come to the ceremony that are not invited to the wedding.  We said no that would be awkward.  She then told us that her best friend and husband would be coming to Vegas and would like to see us get married even though they know they are not invited to the reception."

    I might be able to understand this logic if the wedding were being held in your hometown. But in this case, I cannot imagine that guests would travel to Las Vegas 
    Not to attend the wedding, but they might have already had a Vegas trip planned for other reasons and were hoping to attend the wedding "as long as they were already out there."

    But if they can't be accommodated, and based on the OP's posts they can't, then the FMIL has to be told "No" firmly.
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