Drama with Fiance's Sister--HELP!!

Ally1120

I have asked my FI for help with something I know is going to be an issue, but I didn't find his answer helpful at all! Haha Hoping you all can shed some light as to how I should handle this.

FI and I have already discussed who will be in our bridal party and he mentioned to me a while back that he, in no way, wants me to feel obligated to include his sister as a member of my bridal party. To make a loooong explaination of the very complicated and dramatic situation short, she is a "me, me, me" type person who expects everyone to be nice and cater to her but has virtually no respect for anyone else. I have included her in many outings with my friends and me over the past 3 years as well as one-on-ones and she consistently embarasses me and disrespects our hospitality when we have her over. FI called her 3 times the day he proposed and she didn't even call to congratulate him/us on our engagement until 4 days after because she was "too busy." I could tell this hurt his feelings but her excuse didn't surprise either of us.

Multiple occasions in the past, she has mentioned that she better be in my bridal party and her son better be in the wedding as well because she "will probably never get married so has to be a part of FI and my big day." I've shrugged these comments off in the past because they were made well before we were engaged but I know it's going to come up again now that we are engaged. To make things more interesting, FI's Mom mentioned to him over the phone a week before he proposed, that it's expected that the Bride and Groom invite their siblings to be in the WP. My thought is, for someone who expects to be a part of our BIG day, I would expect her to have been one of the first people to call to congratulate us.

FI suggests that when the topic of her being in the WP arises that I shrug it off and make a joke about it but I need to nip this in the bud and quickly. I don't want to screw around and dig a hole for myself. How do I approach or respond to her when she makes a statement like that again (because I know it will happen) in a way that I don't start a feud? I know that feelings are going to be hurt, but, in the end, this is our day and the people we are going to have by our sides are going to be the people we really want there.

What do I do?!?

AddieCake

You should tell her you have already chosen your bridal party and then change the subject. Repeat as necessary.

cbrown828

I agree with Addie. Don't "approach" her about it. If she brings it up, tell her you've already selected your bridal party and change the subject. Same goes for your FMIL, who seems to expect this invitation to be extended. Also, you and FI need to present a united front to FMIL and FSIL. If you tell her no, he needs to tell her the same thing. Let him deal with his mom and sister whenever possible.

southernredandwhite85

I would suggest asking her to give a reading. I would prepare for her to be disappointed that you didn't ask so I agree that you and your fiance should have a united front. (A friend took another friend out to dinner and asked her to give a reading when she was expecting to be asked to be a bridesmaid & she was very disappointed.) Just a heads up!

mlg78

She can stand up for your FI or be seated as a guest. You select for your MOH/bridesmaids those who are nearest and dearest to you.

zitiqueen

Ally1120 said:

I have asked my FI for help with something I know is going to be an issue, but I didn't find his answer helpful at all! Haha Hoping you all can shed some light as to how I should handle this.

FI and I have already discussed who will be in our bridal party and he mentioned to me a while back that he, in no way, wants me to feel obligated to include his sister as a member of my bridal party. To make a loooong explaination of the very complicated and dramatic situation short, she is a "me, me, me" type person who expects everyone to be nice and cater to her but has virtually no respect for anyone else. I have included her in many outings with my friends and me over the past 3 years as well as one-on-ones and she consistently embarasses me and disrespects our hospitality when we have her over. FI called her 3 times the day he proposed and she didn't even call to congratulate him/us on our engagement until 4 days after because she was "too busy." I could tell this hurt his feelings but her excuse didn't surprise either of us.

Multiple occasions in the past, she has mentioned that she better be in my bridal party and her son better be in the wedding as well because she "will probably never get married so has to be a part of FI and my big day." I've shrugged these comments off in the past because they were made well before we were engaged but I know it's going to come up again now that we are engaged. To make things more interesting, FI's Mom mentioned to him over the phone a week before he proposed, that it's expected that the Bride and Groom invite their siblings to be in the WP. My thought is, for someone who expects to be a part of our BIG day, I would expect her to have been one of the first people to call to congratulate us.

FI suggests that when the topic of her being in the WP arises that I shrug it off and make a joke about it but I need to nip this in the bud and quickly. I don't want to screw around and dig a hole for myself. How do I approach or respond to her when she makes a statement like that again (because I know it will happen) in a way that I don't start a feud? I know that feelings are going to be hurt, but, in the end, this is our day and the people we are going to have by our sides are going to be the people we really want there.

What do I do?!?

You don't. Your FI does. His family, his responsibility.

cbrown828

RetreadBride said:

Don't ask her to give a reading, or anything else. Never enable entitled behavior.

If FMIL says something, "I've already selected my wedding party.  Why don't you speak to Fiance about having her on HIS side, since she's HIS sister?"

I will never understand why FMILs expect the bride to have the groom's sisters on their sides just because they all have vaginas.....

Quietly ask those you wish, and say nothing to those you don't.  When it comes up later, "I've selected my bridesmaids, but of course I look forward to seeing you as a guest."  Then change the subject. Keep changing the subject.  if they pitch a fit, walk out. 

Their fault for having expectations from someone else.

This, 1000x. Entitlement is my very least favorite attitude to deal with.