Wedding Etiquette Forum

I forgot to put a due date on the RSVPs! plus, people are rsvping for more than invited!

I guess no one was watching me very closely when I ordered my RSVP cards. By the time I did notice that I had forgotten to include a 'due date' on them, I didn't want to make them any tackier and put a label, hand write, etc on the card....... But that works out just fine when your marrying my FI. We've gotten back 4 rsvps from his family that had more people than invited on the card. I was sure to put Mr and Mrs X on the card, not The X family. One card had 7 on it... Who ya bringing? Your neighborhood? I want my FI to contact these people, but he is a pushover at times, and I don't think he wants any drama from family. I don't appreciate the lack of respect shown when cards are sent back with disregard to the invitation. Save me, knotties!!!

Re: I forgot to put a due date on the RSVPs! plus, people are rsvping for more than invited!

  • Yep. He needs to do it for his family and anybody being invited b/c his parents want them there. 




    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Agree with PPs that your FI need to call and be firm. I know it's a little daunting, but you will be better off for it. Plus, if word travels around the family that you're pushovers, you might get even MORE added guests because people will think they can get away with it because so-and-so did.

    As for the lack of RSVP date - hopefully people will realize on their own that they should respond in a timely manner (they'll know this if they were ever married!), but for the people that do not RSVP, give them a call a week before the caterer needs the numbers and be prepared to laugh over and over again with them with regards to your oversight.
  • We are having the same problem.  Our reception is at a summer camp so in theory we wanted to be kid friendly... but I didn't realize how large and extended my fiancee's family is.  They're all starting to call my mother-in-law asking her if they can bring (for example) their girlfriend and her THREE children!  It's getting out of control, so mother-in-law is calling all relatives on their side and and squashing it.  No you can't bring your 17-year-old son's (son of a cousin who wasn't even invited) girlfriend!  If your fiancee won't do it, enlist the in-laws to deal with their side. Do it early and do it quick.
  • Your FI or FILs need to do it, but it needs to be made clear that only those listed on the invitation envelope are invited.  If dates, children, or anyone else's name wasn't listed, those persons are not invited and cannot be accommodated.
  • So glad to see this post! I am scared to death because I KNOW this is going to happen with my FI's family and FMIL knows that it is going to happen too but keeps insisting "there is nothing you can do about it, it would be too rude to tell them they can't bring their kids, etc."

    I wouldn't have a problem with this but our venue only holds 300 and we are seriously cutting our lists to get down to 300...We don't have room for any more kids, neighbors, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc!

  • You'll have to set and maintain a very firm boundary here: "FI, if you don't call them, I will.  Now if I call them, there will be a LOT more drama than if you do, because I will be VERY FIRM with them that their uninvited guests can't come.  They're coming because of you, not me, so I think it's up to you to make clear that they don't have the right to bring more people than were invited.  And I'm sorry, but they're the ones forcing this. If they get pissed off because we're not going to act like doormats, they're the ones causing the drama, not us."
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