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Wedding Woes

We want to get married abroad, but this has upset the parents

We only want a small wedding, just us two. Abroad where my husband-to-be proposed.

I've told my mum (and no one else) and shes devestated, even offering (threatening) to fly out there to be with us.
She says its important that shes at the ceremony.

We were happy to host a big party before we went to celebrate our union for friends and family but really dont want the whole 'wedding' thing.
Should we just go to a registary office with my mum to make her happy or do it at home, even though its not what we really want???
BUT I can't get married carefree abroad if I know its upset my mum.

I daren't tell the rest of my family.
We've looked around venues etc but it just doesnt seem to be for us. theres nothing we like and it all seems like it takes away from it being just us, in love and getting married.

Re: We want to get married abroad, but this has upset the parents

  • blueobsidianblueobsidian member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2013
    Ultimately, when a couple decides to elope, there are almost always going to be people who are upset or disappointed that they were not there.  I can't really give you advice as to what you should do, because you have to weigh the pros and cons.  You are also the one who knows your Mom and how much this will hurt her or how it would affect the relationship.  My Mom would probably be annoyed for a few days, but it wouldn't do any long-term damage to our relationship, but that is us. 

    What part of the "whole 'wedding' thing" is it that you don't like?  Keep in mind that when you get married abroad, that will be your wedding.  Is there a way you could have the ceremony with immediate family or just a small group, in a way that still feels like you?  For example, just have a few people and then go to a restaurant after?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • My FI and I are doing a small wedding of just family. So it's gonna be like 13-17 people. Then we're going out to dinner.

    We are also having a party a month later (thrown by my parents.) to celebrate with friends.

    Discuss it with your FI and see if you can come with a solution that pleases both of you.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Honestly, it comes down to your conscience. I wouldn't be able to do that to my mother. I would have had to elope without telling anyone and deal with the consequences after, I guess. 

    Like scribe said, is there a middle ground you're willing to do?

  • My fiancé and I decided to elope when we first became engaged... We had some people in the family who haven't been supportive of our relationship from the beginning (we have a big age difference), and we realized that we couldn't say that some family members were allowed to come, but others weren't.
    My mom was pretty shocked and kind of upset at the beginning, and some family members have even tried talking us out of it.
    The only concern I had when I thought of our wedding in another county, was "Who's going to be with me the night before and help me get ready and into my dress the next morning?" So here's what we decided--
    We are still having a private ceremony, just the two of us. But, we are having it in our home state, and the night before the wedding my mom and all of my girlfriends will stay the night in a hotel room with me, while all of my fiancé's friends will stay in a hotel room with him :) The next morning my mom will go with me to get my hair and makeup done, help me get ready and into my dress (all with a photographer capturing these special moments for her). Then I will get in the limo, and get dropped off at the ceromony by myself to marry my fiancé. Him and I will stay in a hotel that night, and then leave on a plane for our honeymoon the next morning! (If you did this, you could travel to the place where your fiancé proposed for your honeymoon)
    Maybe if you did something like this with your mom, she might feel more involved, and you still get your one-on-one intimate ceremony with just you and your fiancé. She has to be willing to make a compromise! Remember, it's YOUR day. In the end, it's what YOU want.
  • "daren't." THE END IS NIGH, Y'ALL
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