Wedding Woes

Rehearsal Dinner woes

Hi Knotties!

I know I have a lot of time to worry about this, since our wedding isn't until next year. However, my FMIL has been making plans for our rehearsal dinner, and I think there is a little disconnect with the guest list. 

I understand a rehearsal dinner is for immediate family, bridesmaids and groomsmen and their guests, and anyone else who is involved in the wedding. My FMIL would like to stick to that, and has decided not to invite her brothers, sisters, and sister-in-laws, because she thinks that it should be a small, intimate affair. She has already told her family that they will not be expecting an invite. My mother, on the other hand, insists that her sister and brother-in-laws are invited to the rehearsal dinner. We are a very close family, and these invites would be normal for my family, despite the involvement (or uninvolvement) in the ceremony. My mother also says that all of their kids are involved in the wedding, so they should be there too. But all of my cousins are adults. Every time I bring this up to my mom, she gets very defensive. 

I am very worried that this will cause tension between my mom and my FMIL. I do not know how to approach this at all. Advice will be greatly appreciated!! 

Re: Rehearsal Dinner woes

  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited June 2013
    I have been on both sides of this coin, as both a MOB and MOG.

    The bottom line is that if your FMIL is hosting the rehearsal, she has the "right" to select the guest list above and beyond the required bridal party guests.  My daughter's MIL hosted the entire rehearsal dinner.  We stayed completely out of it.  MIL invited her parents, FIL's parents, and their siblings on both sides.  We were not asked to extend an invitation to anyone, nor was it in our place to make a request to do so.

    Your FMIL actually has the right idea.  Your mom needs to understand that the entire point of the dinner is to thank the rehearsal participants for attending the rehearsal.  Your mom is welcome to host something of her own, for her family, after the dinner if she chooses.  It should not create tension because there should not be any.  Your mom has either been misinformed or is mistaken in terms of who should be included.
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