Thank You Cards for Shower

Bubblegum5586

Happy Monday everyone!

 

I am so sorry I KNOW I have read this answer before and I went back a few pages to try and find the thread but I couldn't. Sorry for the repeat question!

 

My shower is July 21 and I already recieved my first gift in the mail. My shower is almost 3 weeks away but I am supposed to open and write a thank you quickly (as to help myself stay ahead and for a timly response?) but NOT use it until after the shower?

I just want to double check, I don't want to send a thank you before the shower if I was supposed to wait.

TIA!

-Leah

AddieCake

You should write a thank you now and not use the gift until after the wedding itself. 

misshart00

AddieL73 said:

You should write a thank you now and not use the gift until after the wedding itself. 

This. You're correct that you should open it and write a thank you note, but don't use the gift until after the wedding.

Bubblegum5586

Does that go for all gifts I get at the shower? Don't use any of them until after the wedding?

 

TIA

AddieCake

Yes, that includes any wedding-related gift you get at any time prior to saying "I do." 

Bubblegum5586

Perfect! Thanks for the help and clarification!

bullfrogmama

I am not trying to be snarky... this is a legit question. Why would you not use them until after the wedding? How would the gift giver even know? When I send presents before the wedding (or when I give a shower gift), I fully expect them to be used as soon as they are received. Just seems kind of silly to leave them in their box. I mean, unless you are not currently living with your fiancee, in which case it'd be polite to wait so s/he can use them as well.

Jen4948

bullfrogmama said:

I am not trying to be snarky... this is a legit question. Why would you not use them until after the wedding? How would the gift giver even know? When I send presents before the wedding (or when I give a shower gift), I fully expect them to be used as soon as they are received. Just seems kind of silly to leave them in their box. I mean, unless you are not currently living with your fiancee, in which case it'd be polite to wait so s/he can use them as well.

You would not use them until after the wedding, because the wedding may never happen and in that case you need to return the gifts.  You can't return an already-used gift.  So you play it safe and wait until the underlying event that the gifts are given for to take place before you use the gift.

bullfrogmama

Hm. I suppose that makes sense... But I would NEVER ask for a gift back that I gave out of love, just because a wedding fell through. I would think the former parts of the couple would be dealing with enough hurt and annoyances, to ask them to return the gift I gave seems like adding insult to injury to me. Do people actually do this?? Obviously, if they didn't want the gift any longer, I would gladly take it back from them.

misshart00

bullfrogmama said:

Hm. I suppose that makes sense... But I would NEVER ask for a gift back that I gave out of love, just because a wedding fell through. I would think the former parts of the couple would be dealing with enough hurt and annoyances, to ask them to return the gift I gave seems like adding insult to injury to me. Do people actually do this?? Obviously, if they didn't want the gift any longer, I would gladly take it back from them.

It's not that they don't want it. It's from an etiquette perspective. If the event doesn't take place, you as the receiver offer everything back to those who gave it

NYCMercedes

bullfrogmama said:

Hm. I suppose that makes sense... But I would NEVER ask for a gift back that I gave out of love, just because a wedding fell through. I would think the former parts of the couple would be dealing with enough hurt and annoyances, to ask them to return the gift I gave seems like adding insult to injury to me. Do people actually do this?? Obviously, if they didn't want the gift any longer, I would gladly take it back from them.

No, guests don't ask for their gifts back. Brides and grooms KNOW to return them.

Kate61487

NYCMercedes said:

bullfrogmama said:

Hm. I suppose that makes sense... But I would NEVER ask for a gift back that I gave out of love, just because a wedding fell through. I would think the former parts of the couple would be dealing with enough hurt and annoyances, to ask them to return the gift I gave seems like adding insult to injury to me. Do people actually do this?? Obviously, if they didn't want the gift any longer, I would gladly take it back from them.

No, guests don't ask for their gifts back. Brides and grooms KNOW to return them.

ditto this.  Also, because of the etiquette surrounding returning gifts some people consider it a bit of a jinx to use something before the wedding.

We used a few items before the wedding, but they were things we fully intended to purchase regardless of receiving them as gifts or not, so had something tragic happened we would have been prepared to replace it in order to return it.

BarbLovesDave

Wedding gifts, including shower gifts, received before the wedding should be opened and thanks sent right away. The giver now knows the gift was received intact and can toss any post office insurance or tracking receipts.

Then, the gift should be kept in the box until after the wedding.

Should the wedding not happen, for ANY reason, the broken-up couple needs to return the gifts so the gift-givers can take them back to the store in new condition and get their money back.

It is up to the gift-giver to decide if the gift stays with the ex-bride or ex-groom.

I've given wedding gifts, in the past, where I specify that the gift need not be returned if the couple split up.

Fran1985

I've given wedding gifts, in the past, where I specify that the gift need not be returned if the couple split up.

Like in the card? Or only once they actually split up. I got to say I would really be put off if someone was like, congratulations! Here is a mixer- but no need to give it back if it doesn't work out. I can't think of a way to word that in a way that wouldn't be insulting. 

mlg78

BarbLovesDave said:

I've given wedding gifts, in the past, where I specify that the gift need not be returned if the couple split up.

Wow...  Way to not have faith in a couple's relationship before their wedding day! If I received that gift from you I'd say "Screw etiquette!" and dis-invite you to our wedding if you're not going to be hopeful and supportive of our upcoming marriage.

ETA: Oops -- just realized I misread the PP...I still think what she writes in cards is HORRIBLE and should never be added to a card.  Why even mention splitting up to a newly wedding couple?

mlg78

coopergirl15 said:

BarbLovesDave said:

I've given wedding gifts, in the past, where I specify that the gift need not be returned if the couple split up.

Wow...  Way to not have faith in a couple's relationship before their wedding day! If I received that gift from you I'd say "Screw etiquette!" and dis-invite you to our wedding if you're not going to be hopeful and supportive of our upcoming marriage.

You can't uninvite someone from a wedding if they've been invited to pre-wedding parties like the shower. That's actually much worse than sticking a note on the gift that says no need to return if the wedding doesn't happen. A note like that is not offensive enough to justify the Screw Etiquette mindset. You're free to not talk to the gift giver again after the wedding is done and the thank you notes have been written. But that's the extent; to screw etiquette would be to sink to the other person's level, which in the end only makes you look bad.

I will say that I misread the first posting and that the gift "need NOT be returned"...but really? It shouldn't be stated in there in the first place.

 

And coopergirl -- I'm fully aware that people need to be invited to the wedding if they're invited to pre-wedding parties.  I'd read it as the gift "needs to be returned if the couple splits up"...which I thought was just horrible to write on a card...but even what the PP did write I think should NEVER be mentioned.

AddieCake

BarbLovesDave said:

I've given wedding gifts, in the past, where I specify that the gift need not be returned if the couple split up.

I'd be offended to receive a gift with a disclaimer like that. 

harper0813

BarbLovesDave said:

I've given wedding gifts, in the past, where I specify that the gift need not be returned if the couple split up.

Well, that's one way to really offend an engaged person. I really hope that's not true. Those poor couples. I hope they eventually got a laugh out of it.