Wedding Etiquette Forum

NER - Roadtrip right after wedding

Background info: We are very close to FI's youngest brother and his wife - lets call them Ethan and Emma. As well as another couple that are mutual friends - lets call them Dennis and Marissa. All 6 of us get along great and love to hang out. FI and I live in Northern CA. Ethan and Emma did as well but relocated to CO for work 3 years ago. It's been hard for my FI since Ethan is the brother he's closest to and his best friend. Dennis and Marissa live 2 hours away so we see them more often.

Ethan and Emma got married in May in Southern CA so we drove with the other couple to the wedding. Since we don't see each other often, Ethan and Emma stayed in CA after the wedding so the 6 of us could hang out for a few days. It was awesome!

It appears now they want to hang out again (the 6 of us) after our wedding. We are not going on a honeymoon until January and I have a week off from work after the wedding, so it would be perfect. Except they want to roadtrip to Oregon and then Seattle. Due to only having a few days off, they want to leave at 9am the morning after the wedding. Excited to spend more time with his brother, FI said it would be fun. Except I don't agree because a roadtrip sounds exhausting. I just want to enjoy our nice suite, sleep in and unwind for a few days after all that planning and stressing out.

Nothing is set in stone and I know the other two couples would understand if we don't want to go - but I know FI would be disappointed. I have yet to bring up my concerns to him about making the trip. WWYD? Am I being a brat or unreasonable by wanting to take it easy after the wedding? I really would love to hang out as a group again because we can't get together often - just not on a roadtrip. :/

Wedding Countdown Ticker

image 123 Invited
image 96 Are ready to party
image 27 Will be missing out
image 0 Are undecided

Re: NER - Roadtrip right after wedding

  • You're not being unreasonable. Your FI shouldn't  have indicated that you guys might like to go before discussing it with you. Talk to your FI and explain why you'd rather just chill out with him after the wedding. There will be more times to roadtrip with them in the future, I'm sure everyone will understand.
  • Why not suggest that the other couples get rooms in the hotel too and you can spend time together there? You can always say that someone gifted you the suite as a wedding present and FI wasn't aware that it was already booked and prepaid for those days if they try to keep pushing for the road trip.
  • Part of being married means not saying yes to vacation plans without asking your spouse. Can this couple get into town a few days early and spend some time with you prewedding?
  • Do you usually all drive together in the same car?  Can you just compromise with FI and ask to leave for Oregon later in the day and meet up with the other 2 couples?  That way you are enjoying your suite in the morning, sleeping in, but will still be hanging out with the other 2 couples.
  • Maybe you could propose something that sounds less exhausting... asking for a later time to take off.. maybe 11 or noon. You could see about making Seattle another trip and spending a few days in Portland, that might be less exhausting.  Trust me there is plenty to do there that is as exciting or as low key as you want to be.  Maybe the best thing is to just hang out locally.  Talk to your FH, be honest, and find a compromise.
  • I agree with OliveOilsMom. You don't all have to be in the same car, or have the same itinerary. Leave after them, skip some of their stops, and meet up with them at their other stops. Win win.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • I don't think you're being unreasonable and I would not agree to this as is. I think you should talk to your FI about something that works for you - maybe you hangout at your hotel for another night or two and then only hit Oregon to shorten the road trip. Or just invite them to stay local with you and "be a tourist in your own town". I would suggest alternatives to FI and see what you two can agree on.
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  • Thank you for the tips ladies. The idea was for all 6 of us to drive together in one van so we could help each other driving so I don't think we would want to take a separate car and do even more driving.

    We didn't have time to sit down and talk yesterday (we've both been swamped with work) but I did mention it in passing and FI seemed fine skipping out on the road trip. Turns out yesterday his brother told him he will be flying here 4 days before the wedding to spend time with him.

    I just felt guilty because FI normally likes me doing the planning but it seemed this is one thing he really wanted to do. We have plenty of Southwest points right now, so I'll suggest maybe flying out to Oregon a day after to meet up with them.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    image 123 Invited
    image 96 Are ready to party
    image 27 Will be missing out
    image 0 Are undecided
  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    The week after my wedding was spent writing thank you notes, feeling exhausted, and putting away gifts. There's no way I would've felt up for a road trip.

    Flying out there for a day would be a great solution!

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