Invitation Etiquette

catedartfinger

Hi ladies! I'm in need of some advice...

My FI and I are having an adults only reception, and I'm looking for advice on how to politely let our guests know their children are not invited without hurting feelings. Normally, having to make a call and letting a guest know our reception is adults only (if they were to RSVP for their children) wouldn't be a huge deal, but his side of the family is ENORMOUS and full of kids, and my side of the family has quite a few as well. I'm not sure I'll have the time to make 50+ separate phone calls to let people know their children aren't invited. I would like to put something on the invitations, or an inclusion into the invite envelopes stating that our reception is for the grown up's only but I'm worried about how it would come off to our guests. Would it be tacky or tasteless to include something like that? My mother and future MIL aren't much help in this matter, as they both feel all of the kids should be invited, but that would push our guest list way over our 300 person venue limit and over our budget. Another issue is that our venue is a historic building and isn't child friendly within itself. 

What would you do in this situation? I've got some time before we need to send out invitations, however I want to get them printed and ready to go while I have the time. 

Thanks!

AddieCake

catedartfinger said:

Hi ladies! I'm in need of some advice...

My FI and I are having an adults only reception, and I'm looking for advice on how to politely let our guests know their children are not invited without hurting feelings. Normally, having to make a call and letting a guest know our reception is adults only (if they were to RSVP for their children) wouldn't be a huge deal, but his side of the family is ENORMOUS and full of kids, and my side of the family has quite a few as well. I'm not sure I'll have the time to make 50+ separate phone calls to let people know their children aren't invited. I would like to put something on the invitations, or an inclusion into the invite envelopes stating that our reception is for the grown up's only but I'm worried about how it would come off to our guests. Would it be tacky or tasteless to include something like that? My mother and future MIL aren't much help in this matter, as they both feel all of the kids should be invited, but that would push our guest list way over our 300 person venue limit and over our budget. Another issue is that our venue is a historic building and isn't child friendly within itself. 

What would you do in this situation? I've got some time before we need to send out invitations, however I want to get them printed and ready to go while I have the time. 

Thanks!

It's not polite to tell people they are not invited, which is what indicating "no kids" on an invitation or website does. You just have to MAKE time to make those phone calls. 

ETA: You AND your fiance need to make the calls, not just you.

libby2483

It is very rude to put something like "Adults only" on the invitation or even the website, as you should never state who isnt invited. Just address the intivation to those who are invited. If your guests are clueless, and RSVP with their children, you and your FI will just have to find time to make the calls.

MyNameIsNot

It's rude to include anything on the invitation about who is not invited, like "adults only" or "no children".  

Address the invitation to the adults only.  You can put a little more specificity with the RSVP card, like:

John Smith  ___will attend  ____ will not attend

Jane Smith ____ will attend ____ will not attend

Something like that leaves no space for the parents to write in extra guests, or at least makes them rethink trying to write in without asking.  

You won't have to make 50 calls.  Of the 50 people invited without kids, the majority of them will be smart enough to read the invitation and know that their kids aren't invited.  It will only be a small majority who don't understand how to read the envelope.  

Jen4948

Unfortunately, it's rude to put anything on or in an invitation that indicates that anyone isn't invited.  That means that you have to address the invitations only to those invited, wait for the RSVPs to come in, and then notify by word of mouth anyone who has RSVPd for anyone who is not invited that you can't accommodate the uninvited persons.

It can be annoying, but etiquette just doesn't provide any alternatives.  That said, it may well be that people will get the idea that their kids aren't invited from not seeing their kids' names listed on the invitation.  In any case, wait until someone gets the wrong idea first and then be prepared to stand firm.  You don't have to invite their kids just because they're threatening not to attend without them.