Wedding Etiquette Forum

Coworkers Assume They're Invited?

I work in a pretty large office (100+ people) and recently another co-worker got married. She's been there much longer than me, eight-ten years, and invited quite a few people, at least 30-40 people, from the company to her wedding. It was great of her to do that, but now I've had several coworkers, some I don't even know that well, make comments like 'I can't wait for your wedding" and "When is my save the date arriving?"  

I've only worked there for a few months and I've only met some of the people on my floor a handful of times, so I've intentionally tried really hard to not mention wedding plans at work, and even though I really like almost everyone I work with, there is just no feasible way I could invite them all with the size of our church, reception venue and how big both mine and FI's families are. I was planning on inviting my direct boss and her husband and no one else from the office, but should I consider inviting more of them? Is there actually a polite way to let them know they're not invited, or should I just let the invitations go out and people will figure it out eventually? 

Re: Coworkers Assume They're Invited?

  • Yeah, I've never mentioned anything wedding-related at work; one of the secretaries noticed I was wearing an engagement ring after vacation, asked me about it, and since then has asked me almost daily how the wedding planning is coming along. So far I've tried to answer vaguely with "Oh, we haven't really done anything yet," but that can't really last forever.  

    Don't get me wrong- I'm really happy to work in a place with nice people who want to be involved with my life, and maybe i'm crazy to think they'd feel let down if they weren't invited, but I prefer to keep my work life and personal life separate and my boss is the only person at the office I'm close to outside of the office as well. 


  • "Sorry, due to venue size etc our wedding is family and close friends only/we aren't able to invite coworkers. Have you used the new photocopied yet? Better or worse than the last one?"

    Deny and deflect

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I work in a small department, and when I got engaged quite a few people mentioned how excited they were for the wedding. I learned quickly to not talk wedding at work, and to keep it short and vague if someone asks how things are going. When people mention and/or hint that they'd like to come, I use the "we're keeping it pretty small, family and closest friends...what's for lunch in the dining hall today?" move. It's worked really well.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • Just say your guest list is limited, then change the subject.
  • WeeshWeesh member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I work at a high school, in a department with 11 people.  I'm inviting my department and their spouses, but I'm not inviting anyone else.  When I first got engaged, everyone from the secretaries to parents had questions about my engagement, wedding day, etc.  When I see other co-workers from different departments, I just smile and thank them for their well wishes or that we're excited to get planning.  Then I change the subject.  I know that people are just trying to be nice, but I don't want to make the mistake of talking about it too much.  I'm not sure how I would react to being asked about invitations or save the dates, but I think you can just say "we haven't finalized the list yet" and change the subject.  It's presumptuous to assume that you are invited anywhere, and don't feel badly when you can't or don't invite them.  Good luck!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Yes. The three places you should never talk about weddings.. Work, School and Skytrains.
  • Thanks all! Yeah, like I said I have intentionally tried to never talk about it; but I've specifically had a few women (mostly older women) say things like "Oh, when is my Save the Date arriving?" that sound more presumptuous than just asking about how general planning is going. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who's experienced something similar though. 
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