Wedding Party

RP: What to do for bridesmaids and bachelorette party?

So I am almost being guilted into having my 2 sisters (which I'm ok with them) and my 2 FSIL as my bridal party. My oldest FSIL is adamant on being in her only brother's wedding, the other one doesn't care. If it were up to me, I would include my best friends. Unfortunately, it's a group of 5 girls who are in school all over the country, from California to Indiana to North Carolina. It just doesn't seem reasonable to expect all of them to be able to prepare for everything as a bridesmaid. Coordination and planning just seems like it would be a nightmare, not to mention that I think having 9 bridesmaids is excessive. Even if I left out my FSIL, it's too much. So, I think I am just going to have to have my 4 sisters as bridesmaids, with no maid of honor and it will be "just family" even though my FI will have friends in his. When I think about having a bachelorette party and getting ready for my wedding, I am not excited. My sisters are 10 and 14, his are 21 and 16. Maybe this is unreasonable, but I do not really want them at my bachelorette party. Every girl dreams of spending quality time with her best friends, not their little sisters. I wouldn't mind the oldest FSIL, but we're not that close. She can't really spend time planning anything either because she is getting married a month before us.Would it be weird to try to have my bachelorette party with my best friends, rather than my family? If that doesn't work out with them being spread all over the country, I could always do something with random friends at school, but I'd rather not do that. Would it also be weird if my best friends got ready with my the day of, even if they are not in the wedding? I don't necessarily care about the titles and what-not, I just want to be able to spend time with the people I am closest with, they are so special to me.  

Re: RP: What to do for bridesmaids and bachelorette party?

  • itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    So I am almost being guilted into having my 2 sisters (which I'm ok with them) and my 2 FSIL as my bridal party. My oldest FSIL is adamant on being in her only brother's wedding, the other one doesn't care. If it were up to me, I would include my best friends. Unfortunately, it's a group of 5 girls who are in school all over the country, from California to Indiana to North Carolina. It just doesn't seem reasonable to expect all of them to be able to prepare for everything as a bridesmaid. Coordination and planning just seems like it would be a nightmare, not to mention that I think having 9 bridesmaids is excessive. Even if I left out my FSIL, it's too much. So, I think I am just going to have to have my 4 sisters as bridesmaids, with no maid of honor and it will be "just family" even though my FI will have friends in his. When I think about having a bachelorette party and getting ready for my wedding, I am not excited. My sisters are 10 and 14, his are 21 and 16. Maybe this is unreasonable, but I do not really want them at my bachelorette party. Every girl dreams of spending quality time with her best friends, not their little sisters. I wouldn't mind the oldest FSIL, but we're not that close. She can't really spend time planning anything either because she is getting married a month before us.Would it be weird to try to have my bachelorette party with my best friends, rather than my family? If that doesn't work out with them being spread all over the country, I could always do something with random friends at school, but I'd rather not do that. Would it also be weird if my best friends got ready with my the day of, even if they are not in the wedding? I don't necessarily care about the titles and what-not, I just want to be able to spend time with the people I am closest with, they are so special to me.  

    What are you expecting your bridesmaids to coordinate and plan? There's nothing they are required to do for you.

    There's also no limit on number of bridesmaids. Ask your nearest and dearest.

    Otherwise ditto Retread on the bachelorette planning. Anyone can plan it, you just cannot ask/request to have a bachelorette party or plan your own.


     

  • I'm thinking about choosing dresses and everything, plus the bachelorette party, and the actual weekend of the wedding. I know that travelling is expensive and most of them are in college and it will be hard to find a time where we can all get together.
  • itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I'm thinking about choosing dresses and everything, plus the bachelorette party, and the actual weekend of the wedding. I know that travelling is expensive and most of them are in college and it will be hard to find a time where we can all get together.

    They don't need to shop for dresses together. (I've never been in a wedding where all the bridesmaids go to dress appointments. Including my own...that's only on TV)

    They don't need to all attend the bachelorette party. (Two of my bridesmaids missed mine...and I missed the bachelorette parties for the last two weddings I was in due to scheduling conflicts)

    They will decline being a bridesmaid if they cannot afford to travel to your wedding. (Trust me, no one will feel obligated)

  • Ask them to get ready with you for some fun girl time.
  • First, bridesmaids don't have obligations or responsibilities.  Everything, except standing up at the wedding, is optional.  This includes a bachelorette party.  If someone wants to throw you one, she will offer, whether she is a BM or not.  There is simply no reason to expect that anyone will have to travel to anything other than the actual wedding.  Sure, it's great if they choose to travel for other parties, but it isn't a requirement for being a BM.  If these friends really are your nearest and dearest, they'll be travelling to the wedding either way.  

    Second, do not let your FSIL push her way into your wedding if you don't want to ask her.  It isn't up to her.  If your FI thinks it is going to create drama to leave her out, he should ask her to stand on his side.  

    Ask who you want to ask.  If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to stand up to family pressure and chose the WP you want.  If you want to ask these friends, ask them.  This isn't about what your FSIL, mother, sisters, or anyone else wants.  
  • Ok, thanks for the help. I think I will just ask all of them. 9 seems like a lot to me, but I don't want to exclude anyone and it doesn't actually matter. I will probably just tell them a choice of 2 colors and let them choose their own dress. I kind of like the look of non-bridesmaids dresses, and they would actually wear it again.
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