Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridal Shower

Question:  If co-hosting a Bridal shower, are you also required to provide a gift to the bride for the shower?

The only reason I ask, is because at this current time I've spent or will spend approximately $450 of my own on the shower of which I only had about a $200 budget for.  (Long story short, MOB continued to change decorations/expectations which increased money without offering to cover as she's covering the venue).   And I can't ask for anymore money from the other BMs because they've already contributed a lot.  I just feel with this family, if I go without a gift, everything I've put into the shower: time, money, sweat, tears (yes), etc will be for naught and it'll only focus on the lack of a gift.   A gift I currently don't have money for unless I borrow it.

Re: Bridal Shower

  • The shower alone is gift enough.
  • I wouldn't worry about it. Can you just tell the MOB no?
  • I agree - I would never expect a present from my shower hostess.
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  • Traditionally - and you are asking this on the Etiquette board, the shower IS the gift of the MOH and BMs to the bride.

    In very recent times, some MOHs and some BMs have decided to ALSO get the bride a physical gift to open at the shower.

    At the last shower I went to, each BM and MOH brought the bride a gift at the shower, each one about $50.  Except one.  The girl who wanted to be MOH instead of BM bought the bride a Kitchen Aid Mixer, worth about $400.  She was very obviously showing the bride that SHE was a better, more valuable, friend. 

  • @scribe95 MOB insisted on a VERY fancy shower
  • Traditionally - and you are asking this on the Etiquette board, the shower IS the gift of the MOH and BMs to the bride.


    That is a rather more modern tradition than what I recall. But the tone is the same -- to avoid unreasonably burdening people with unreasonable expectations.

    Showers in my youth were co-hosted by all the bride's closest friends, and the guest list rarely went beyond that rather intimate group. After all, no-one wanted to embarrass the bride by holding her up as an object of charity to mere acquaintances, or to ask for presents on her behalf from anyone who wasn't close to her. And since they were such small parties, they were usually held in one of the friends' home. Gifts were limited to small expendable household items like potato-peelers and tea-towels, because the "shower" aspect was more an excuse to visit than an actual dowry-raising event. Publically giving ostentatious gifts in order to flaunt superior generosity was generally denigrated behaviour (it still is in bad taste, but less generally recognized as such.) I find myself shaking my head at the costs modern bridesmaids are willing to incur, when they could just set out a tea-pot and some pretty cupcakes in someone's living room.

  • @AroundTheBlock  This was my original intention for the shower, however I was informed, 'we can do better than that?'  My original contribution was to be limited, cost wise, but rose when changes to agreed upon decorations, centerpieces (YES centerpieces) were changed.  Honestly, this is more fancy than most weddings I've been to.   As to recouping some of the cost, without them thinking I was a complete washout as a bridesmaid, I can't request it.  
  • @Liatris2010, @scribe95 is correct.  I had a budget to stick to, but due to trying to limit the drama between the MOB and the rest of the family, I allowed her to change things that until they came due did not fully understand the cost of (increased in price, taxes, etc).   And at this point, as I agreed to them months ago, the costs are now mine.  Lesson learned just a little late.  I realized as I was trying to budget for the remainder of the wedding and trying to figure where I went wrong on the budget the added expenses that came unexpectedly to me.
  • Simply said - The shower itself is your gift to the bride!
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