Where to have the wedding?

jerkyanne

I don't know if etiquette's the right spot for this, but I didn't really know where else, so here goes...

My fiance and I got engaged fairly recently, and have decided on next fall for our wedding. 

I went to college in his hometown, and he moved in with me in my apartment after I graduated  So we both now live in his hometown.  I like it up here, but neither of us plan on staying here for much more than the next few years.  Now, I would like to have the wedding in my hometown (which is just over 4 hours away), and he is (or says he is) somewhere between indifferent to leaning towards my hometown.  

The problem is this:  If we have it where we currently live, more people will physically have to travel.  My family is very large, and am still very close to my friends from my hometown.  However, I know that more of my family and friends would be willing to travel.  If we have it in my hometown both my fiance and I are worried that little of his guest list will be willing to travel 4 hours.  

What would you do?  Would you have it where you want, or consider the guests?

harper0813

Have it where you want - it sounds like people are going to have to travel either way.

monkeysip

I would consider my VIP guests.

(For example, for me) would our parents, our siblings, and our best friends be able to come?  If so, then that's the best location.  It sounds like there will have to be travel either way, so you may have some people decline who you wish could come.

But just try to pick a location where most of you and your FI's VIPs will be able to make it.  If that's both locations, then you can pick the one you like most (which sounds like your hometown).

manateehugger

Honestly, for a good friend or family member, I'll travel. Four hours really isn't even that bad - I've flown halfway across the country for a wedding. People generally expect to travel to weddings. The ones who want to be there will make the drive.

You two just have to pick a place and run with it.

[Deleted User]

To be honest, having it where you are currently living will make it probably easier to plan because it will be easier to go meet with your vendors and coordinate things. Plus you won't have to travel with things such as gifts, your dress, favors or any other wedding items. It will be easier for your guests to travel then for you to travel.

Jen4948

I have that situation.  My BF and I live in NYC, just about everyone from his side lives in and around here, and large chunks of my family on both sides as well as most of my close friends do too.

But my parents, brother, and several other people who are close to me would have to do some long-distance traveling to attend a wedding here.  Still, since the majority of our guests are from this area, it really makes more sense logistically to have the wedding here.

harper0813

Erikan73 said:

To be honest, having it where you are currently living will make it probably easier to plan because it will be easier to go meet with your vendors and coordinate things. Plus you won't have to travel with things such as gifts, your dress, favors or any other wedding items. It will be easier for your guests to travel then for you to travel.

I've actually preferred planning mine from afar (ours is in my hometown and the city we lived in together up until last summer). My parents are in my hometown and have wedding fever and a thirst for drama, so it's been nice to be far removed. I can step away from the wedding stuff easily and go weeks without even thinking about it.

manateehugger

Meh, I'm planning a wedding from far away (sort of). It's not too bad. I won't be living where our wedding is when the time rolls around.

4 hours with a place to stay wont be a planning struggle at all.

Bubbles2014

Have it where you want. We had to make that decision, too, but we picked my hometown for a couple of reasons. One being that I have family members who are physically unable to travel, he doesn't. Another is that my parents are paying for a lot of the wedding, and they wanted it in my hometown. Are either of these factors that you need to consider?

jerkyanne

Bubbles2014 said:

Have it where you want. We had to make that decision, too, but we picked my hometown for a couple of reasons. One being that I have family members who are physically unable to travel, he doesn't. Another is that my parents are paying for a lot of the wedding, and they wanted it in my hometown. Are either of these factors that you need to consider?

We're paying for the most part.  But my family would be helping me plan much more than his family would be.  So I think that's probably going to be the deciding factor.  

efmcc67

We were in a similar situation. My immediate family's in Vermont, and extended family in Massachusetts. FI's from NY. FI and I have both lived all over the country, and we're now in North Carolina. There was no where we could have the wedding that would make everyone happy. We chose to have it here in NC, since that would be SOOOOOO much easier for us! I know it means some people won't be able to make it, but that was going to happen no matter where we had it.

SomethingBeautiful08

Would one place get you a bigger "bang for your buck"? Are there any venue availability concerns? These are some other things you can think about.

erinlin25

I was in a similar situation-- I moved 4 hours away to be with FI (his hometown; we met and lived in my hometown first).  There was not anything in his hometown I wanted to get married at and since the closest airport is 1.5 hours from here we decided definite no to here to accomodate people flying in from the east coast.  I was from the bay area and all the nice venues I felt I "had been there/done that" for either prom, a sorority formal or a friend's wedding--not to mention the cost was a lot higher in the bay.  so we compromised and found a "middle ground" in the Sacramento area.  1.5 hours for us and husbands family/friends; 2 hours for my family; easy for guests flying in.  It worked out great and we had nearly 100 % attendance.  Before the decision was made I checked with my VIPs and everyone was ok with it-- and especially when the day came and saw how gorgeous our venue was everyone totally understood why I picked it. 

Kristin789

Are your parents hosting the wedding, and their names will be on the top line of your invitation as the hosts who are requesting the guests' presence?  Then the wedding goes in your hometown, where they can easily host and easily coordinate the hometown relatives and events.  Your Fi's family will be invited of course and hopefully they will be able to attend also.

StephJean83

We also are a slightly similar situation. FH and I grew up together, as in my mom's hometown and FH's hometown are the same and we had a cabin nearby but my hometown is a different place. We live on the other side of the state from his hometown and I have no real connection to my hometown or the place I graduated high school as my parents moved out of state. No matter where we have the wedding majority of our guest list would have to travel, so we decided to look all over the state. We have it narrowed down to 3 places, one closer to us, one closer to his hometown and one closer to my hometown.

I would look at venues in both places and see where you can get the most "bang for your buck" as a PP had said. Look at what each venue has to offer and which place will have the feel of the wedding you envisioned.

zitiqueen

Vegas. Make everybody travel.

[Deleted User]

In regards to the "have the wedding near where the people who are paying for it are...":

My parents have been extremely generous and are paying for the majority of our wedding. Unfortunately, my mom lives in California. We have absolutely no attachment to California, and if we were to get married there, we would probably have 1/4 of the wedding we are going to have in Indiana. Oh, and my dad (my parents are still married) is working in Canada. And.... Canada was never an option. 

I'm also in an odd situation where I don't really have a hometown. (I moved every 5ish years growing up.) FH has lived in the same state his entire life, and he's been in 3 different houses. My family lives all over the country, and his is, generally speaking, around one area. So we are planning our wedding for his hometown. And, I will also be traveling to our wedding. And technically so will he, since he will be moving out to where I will be living a week or two before the wedding. (I'm moving in less than two months.) While it is probably easier if you get married where you live, it's actually not completely horrible planning a wedding from about 500 miles away.

BMoreBride6

wouldn't be the deciding factor for me but I would also consider which area would be the least expensive to travel to/stay in.  For example, if you were between NYC and a smaller city in another states, chances are hotel costs and travel expenses would be much higher for someone traveling into NYC to stay vs. traveling from the big city to the smaller.  

Aray82

We live in the Southwest, FI's family is in the Midwest, and we're having the wedding in my hometown, which is in...the Northeast. No matter where we chose to have it, one group of guests would have to travel extensively. We ultimately decided on my hometown because flights are cheaper for his family to the Northeast and for our southwest guests there are a few different airport options to consider and compare flight prices. We're also on the train line to NYC and only about an hour and a half away from there, so we figured people could also make a long weekend out of it, especially since the wedding will be Columbus Day weekend. FI's brother and a few of his closest friends also live in NYC, as do mine. Moreover, my parents have also generously offered to help with hosting, so I don't feel it would be right to ask them to pay travel costs on top of that. Lastly, for sentimental reasons, I thought it would be cool to get married at the same church where my parents were married  Anyway, we went with what we felt would best accommodate the largest number of guests who were closest to us, but everyone's situation is different. I'm sure you'll figure out what's best for you and for your guests as the planning gets underway.

Also, there's really no way to predict who would be able/willing to travel. My cousin's daughter had a destination wedding in Costa Rica and expected hardly anyone to be there besides immediate family...and were shocked when most of the guest list RSVP'd yes! Four hours is a long drive, but a wedding is a big life event, so you never know--people may surprise you!