Wedding Etiquette Forum

Do you send an invite to those who have agreed to help?

My wedding is almost entirely DIY, and some family friends have agreed to be staff. These people are not very close to me, and are not on the guest list as my fiancé and I are trying to keep the guest count down since we are paying for everything ourselves. Do I send these people an invite anyway? How do I handle "asking" them to help, even though they have already told my mom they will?

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Re: Do you send an invite to those who have agreed to help?


  • My wedding is almost entirely DIY, and some family friends have agreed to be staff. These people are not very close to me, and are not on the guest list as my fiancé and I are trying to keep the guest count down since we are paying for everything ourselves. Do I send these people an invite anyway? How do I handle "asking" them to help, even though they have already told my mom they will?
    How exactly did they say the would help?  Like serve food and stuff? You really shouldn't let anyone 'work' at your wedding if you are not paying them. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • My wedding is almost entirely DIY, and some family friends have agreed to be staff. These people are not very close to me, and are not on the guest list as my fiancé and I are trying to keep the guest count down since we are paying for everything ourselves. Do I send these people an invite anyway? How do I handle "asking" them to help, even though they have already told my mom they will?
    By staff does this mean you have hired them and set terms on what they will be doing the day of? Or is this word of mouth with your mom? Your post is confusing because you said they agreed, and then you are wondering how to ask them, this seems a little backwards.

    I think first it would be to check with your mom about these people who are "volunteering" themselves to help, do they expect to be invited? Does your mom expect them to be invited? Is this one of those situations where they want to be a guest at your wedding and "working it" will be their gift to you?

    I think you will have more clarity after checking with your mom. If they are truly staff for your wedding then I don't see inviting them, as they would be like a caterer, florist or whatever you have them doing. But if these are people who want to attend and your mom wants to attend, then it sounds like you would need to invite them if you want their help.

    Go clarify first.
  • My mother was speaking with her co-workers about how excited she is for my wedding, as it is on her property. Her boss then told her that if we needed people to help serve, clean up, move chairs, etc. that she would come in on her own expense (she is in a different state).

    Another lady who has offered to help is my step-dad's sister-in-law's sister (whom I've never met). Again, she offered to serve, clean, etc.

    I was just surprised at the offers and didn't really know what to do.

  • This is word of mouth. It was just recently passed on to me and I wasn't quite sure what to do with the information. And as far as I can tell, volunteering isn't a way to get invited.
  • No, they'd be working, not guests. So be sure to pay them appropriately. 
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