Pretty sure a BM just dropped out...

HisGirlFriday13

So, one of my best friends is a BM in my upcoming (like, 68-days-away) wedding. 

All through the planning process, she's been not involved at all. Which is fine. She bought the dress, asked me about shoes, and other than that, our friendship has continued along as it always does. We e-mail all the time (we work opposite shifts), almost exclusively about what books we're reading and what we've put on our to-read lists, and any interesting upcoming books we've seen and whatnot.

A few weeks ago, she and her BF, who were on the verge of moving in together, broke up. She initiated it, but it was still hard. So we talked about that. 

Today, she e-mails me and says, "I'm not sure if I still want to be a BM in your wedding. I love you and I'm happy for you, but I'm just not sure I can stand up and do that in front of all those people." 

(Side note: other than me, FI, and her plus-one, she won't know anyone there, and they won't know her, so standing up shouldn't be a huge issue). 

I said, "Of course, I understand, and if you don't want to, that's fine, but please consider still attending as a guest. I really want you there on my wedding day." 

She said she'd think about it and let me know "by Oct. 12."

Uhm...that's the day before my wedding. I don't want to be pushy or bridezilla-ish, but I would REALLY like to know BEFORE my rehearsal if there's going to be two or three BMs, ya know?

*sigh*

ETA: I'd like to know so I don't pay for flowers I don't need, and because having one fewer BM for hair/make-up will alter our morning plans for the salon (which I'm paying for).

greystreet18

I agree with pp to give her a bit of time but you also deserve to know whether she is going to stand up as your BM. I would give her a week of two then ask her to meet up and see what's going on. It seems like there may be more than you know. And maybe talking with her in person, or at minimum over the phone if schedules don't allow for it, will make her feel more comfortable.

While she may want time to think its also not fair to you to not be told whether she intends on being in your wedging until the day before, particularly if you have to make programs that may include her babe, order her flowers, buy her a present, give the dj a script for the reception, etc.

HisGirlFriday13

I love the idea of talking in person! I'm going to try that, although she has cancelled our last three planned outings (one in March, one in April, one in June).

This is one of those, 'I knew she was selfish and flighty and self-centred before I asked her to be a BM, so I didn't expect her to change.' And I really don't.

She hasn't RSVP'ed to any events; that's OK. She hasn't gotten back to my MOH about the bachelorette party; that's OK.

I don't care if she doesn't do anything other than show up, but I really want her to show up.

I'm going to give her until the RSVP deadline (which is 25 Sept.) to decide about being a BM and/or attending. Does that seem fair?

Also, it appears from FB she *might* be back together with the ex-BF, but since I'm unable to confirm that, and she won't answer my question directly, I'm going to have to address her invite as 'and guest,' which annoys me from an aesthetic sense but whatevs.

Thanks, ladies!!