Dear Prudence,
I am a widower in my mid-30s. Five years ago a drunk driver killed my
wife. I was devastated. For the first couple of years I was in a sad,
isolated, and withdrawn state. But the passage of time did help heal me.
My wife’s younger sister moved to my city to begin her medical
residency more than two years ago. She invited me to a few social events
when she arrived and soon we became physically intimate. At first I was
in shock, as she had been my sister-in-law. However, things developed
and it is serious. There’s a problem, however: She’s never told her
parents about us. I understand the topic is awkward and her parents and I
have had a strained relationship. But she and I are planning to move in
together and will be getting engaged, so it’s only a matter of time
before they find out. We've discussed breaking the news to them
thousands of times, and even sought professional advice. Each rehearsal
scenario inevitably ends with us having to defend our relationship,
something we both don’t feel is necessary. Are we right for believing
that we shouldn't justify ourselves to her family and those who view our
relationship as suspect or immoral? Or do they have a point that we've
crossed a huge social boundary between brother-in-law and sister-in-law
and we must hear them out?