Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Save the Dates & Rocky Relationships

This may be a silly question, but I'm going to ask anyhow.

My brother has been living with his girlfriend for about 6 years, and she is basically like family to us.  Their relationship has had its challenges, and over the past couple of moths they have hit an all time low with constant fighting.  If I were to guess I'd say there is a very good chance that they will not be together by the time my wedding rolls around.

Obviously if they are still together when the save the dates go out, then I will send it addressed to the both of them.  If I do that and they split up before the wedding would I still be required to invite her?
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Re: Save the Dates & Rocky Relationships

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    If you are inviting her because she is part of a social unit with your brother you are not required to invite her if they break up before invites go out.  She should understand that.

    You can, however, still invite her if the two of you have a relationship and you want her to share in your wedding day.  There's no rules that say you can't invite your brother's ex.

    I still talk to one of my brother's exes occasionally, although we aren't close enough that I'd invite her to my wedding.  I just avoid talking about him with her.
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    I would just avoid sending a STD to your brother.  Tell him personally over the phone, "my wedding will be on [x] date, mark your calendar."  Then you avoid a potentially sticky situation.

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    Keith+BrennaKeith+Brenna member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited August 2013
    I sent an STD to a couple, they broke up between STD's and Invites, so I sent the invite to the friend with a plus one option. 
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    Can't you just address the STD to him? Unlike invites, I don't think the same rules apply to Save the Dates as invitations.

    Or just give it to him when you see him so he can stick it on his fridge. Then you don't have to worry about how to address it.
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    For save the date, I just sent them to the person in the coupe that I have the relationship with if they weren't married.
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    Just send it to your brother.

    Honestly, I feel like in situations like this, it's not always bad etiquette if you send a save-the-date to a couple and then an invitation to only one person if they break up before invitations go out. It really depends on the situation. If your brother's girlfriend is friends with your family, close to you, or you have a lot of mutual friends between you and her, then I could see still inviting both of them. But if I were dating someone, got a save-the-date for his sister's wedding, and then we broke up, I wouldn't expect an invitation.
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    Thank you everyone.  My relationship with her is such that I think it would be hurtful to not address it to both of them, but not close enough to extend her an invitation if they split (I think that would just be too awkward for both of them).

    I think I'm leaning towards either just giving him one in person, or addressing it to both and then if it comes down to it just inviting him alone.
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    I just had a very similar situation happen to me - My father had a rocky relationship with his girlfriend but insisted I send her her very own STD and invitation to make her feel included (they live in seperate homes). He also insisted I mail an STD and invite with a +1 to her adult son. My father is paying for a portion of the wedding and I had trouble saying no, even though I felt it was the wrong thing to do. I ended up sending a STD to the girlfriend but not to her adult son whom I barely knew (and used the piss poor excuse that we ran out of STD's). A few months later they broke up, and while I knew the ex would understand not being invited to my wedding (because we are not close with eachother otherwise and that would've been weird) I was SO HAPPY that I did not send a STD to the son as well.
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    I think your plan sounds good - and STD w/o her name on it could actually cause another fight for them, like "what have you told your sister." Address the STD based on their relationship today and deal w/ teh invite when it's time.
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    If she's getting the invitation because she's with your brother, then no, you do not need to invite her after the save dates are out. She should also understand that if they're not together then she's not invited. 

    With that said, the Save the Dates and Invitations should still have her name. 
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