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Friendship/WR Vent: Long, CN at bottom

FI has been friends with his BFF since the first day of 1st grade. They were born 12 hours apart, had the same street #, lived one block away from each other growing up and now work for the same company. FI was a GM in his wedding and I did a reading. I have been good friends with BFF's W for 5-6 years, we'd do ladies wine nights, go see her Dad's band, hang out on our own or 'with the boys'. Individually and as a couple they are very important to us. FI wants to have BFF as a GM and I would like to have W as a BM. (and during some wine nights we may have discussed how awesome this plan seemed.)

So here's the issue. She had been slowly becoming very distant over the past year, but recently blowing me/ us off totally for the past 4 months. The last time we had plans (in May), they met us at a restaurant to tell us they were expecting their fist kid (yay!) and then left right away b/c she was feeling sick (totally understandable). Since then I've been trying to make plans to GTG with them or her to catch up, have them over to our new house and see how she's doing. But she keeps blowing me off. For a while they were vague blow offs, 'maybe next weekend' sort of things. The last text from her wasn't that vague. "We've been too busy, we can't hang out" No, maybe later, no alternate date. Just "we can't hang out." 

I'm feeling really hurt. I've been really conscious of not talking about the wedding, focusing on asking her about her and her pregnancy, and trying to be a good friend. I haven't asked her to be a BM yet, but I'm sure she knows that one of the reasons we want to have them over is to ask each of them to be in the wedding. Do you think her blowing us off is her way of telling me she doesn't want to be involved? Should I even bother asking her to be a BM since it seems like she doesn't want to be involved? (even though all she'd have to do is buy a dress and show up...) FI still wants to have her H/his BFF as a GM, and she'll of course be seated with us at dinner during the wedding. IDK. I'm just feeling really hurt by the constant blow offs...

As a side note: she has become very religious over the past 3 years, to the point where she (last I knew) was going to mass every day, and had to 'talk to her priest' about the issues she was having about my wanting a Catholic wedding (she didn't feel we're 'serious' enough about religion). We're not having a Catholic wedding now, though now she may not want to be involved in a non-Catholic wedding...IDK

CN: One of the woman I'd like to ask to be a BM has been blowing me off a lot lately. It seems to me like she doesn't want to be involved in the wedding but I can't even get her to hang out so I can ask her face to face...

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Re: Friendship/WR Vent: Long, CN at bottom

  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Is the husband blowing off your FI as well? 

    If you're as close to this couple as it seems then I would probably just ask them why they've been so distant. 

  • Nope, H hasn't been blowing off FI at all. They still talk, hang out at work and he came to help when our movers bailed. They sort of leave it up to the women folk to make the plans, so he might not even know that I've been trying to arrange a GTG. 

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  • Is there any way your FI can talk to the H to see what's going on? I've been blown off by friends numerous times, so I know how it feels (it sucks!!). If this is her first pregnancy she may be a little overwhelmed too. I hope everything works out!!

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  • I'm gonna have FI extend an invite to them via H. Maybe that will work. It is her first pregnancy so maybe she just is overwhelmed...

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  • Sometimes people just grow apart. If her priorities have shifted, she may just not be as interested in maintaining a close friendship with you. Doesn't mean her H and your FI can't still be buddies. I would try not to take it personally. FWIW, I don't think there'd be anything wrong with your FI asking him to be a GM, but you NOT asking her to be a BM. JMO. 
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  • Thanks Desert. I get that people drift, and that FI's sort of the anomaly in life in that his BFF's have been close knit group since 1st grade. The 6 of us (FI and I, his two BFF's and their SO's) are a close knit group, . His 2 BFF's will be GM's as will the other SO (who happens to be my BFF). I want W to be in my wedding, I like her and enjoy her company. 

    FWIW, FI is going to talk to BFF at work today or tomorrow, and invite them over. 

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