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Nevada-Las Vegas

feeling confused *vent*

Lately I been thinking twice about marrying my fiancé. I love him so much but I feel like in the past year hes changed in ways that remind me of my ex husband. He used to love going out and now he rather stay at home. And when ever I mention going somewhere he always wants to either do something with our son or just stay home. I love that he wants to spend time with our son but I'm at home everyday with him and its nice to have some adult time but it seems like he's never interested.. and when we do go out its because ive been persistant He just seems so much more boring then he was before. I don't want the rest if my life to be like this I used to love going out with him but I don't expect him to change. If this us who he is now it's fine I just don't know if he is for me at this point.
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Re: feeling confused *vent*

  • Hmm its hard when someone changes that much. Your best option would be to sit down with him and talk about it. Find out whats going on? Why has he changed? Is he happy?

    It may give you answers, but they may not be what you want to hear. Perhaps there is a rational explanation to his desire to stay in - like money issues.  
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  • Sorry to hear that, I think you just need to weigh the pros and cons and figure out what's right for you. Are you the same age? If not, that might have something to do with it. I know that I personally love staying in now, got my going out partying ways behind me at least 3 plus years ago (I'm 36 now). And my fiancé (hubby next week, who is 34 will be 35 end of Sept) is the same. However, we do make sure to still go out together for dinner and things, but are usually home by 9 (our choosing). You still have quite a bit of time to figure it out. Good luck!
  • Wow Valerie, that sounds difficult. Have you spoken to him about how you feel? Are there other factors affecting him 'going out'? For example my FI and I dont go out much because we are saving and paying for the wedding. I've gone back to full time work since having my son, but I totally understand what you mean about wanting to get out if you have been at home all day with the kids. I think it must also be hard for your FI because he doesnt get as much time at home with your son.

    Maybe you guys could compromise. FI and I try to have at least 1 date night a month where we go out, just the two of us for dinner and drinks (we dont really go clubbing - but you and FI could maybe do that). I find that works well cos its something to look forward to and stops me from feeling like we never DO anything. Plus it also allows us to save for this stupidly expensive wedding.

    At the end of the day though, I think you just need to figure out whether you guys can make it work and if you are suitable for each other. But communication is KING in these sorts of situations.

    Can't wait to say 'I do' on April 14, 2014 - Planning Bio

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  • We talked about it he says he still likes to do things but I know he doesn't cause he's never for us going out together..he says it will happen more but I don't want him to change back just for me cause I know it's not what he really
    Wants. I feel like if it's what he wanted it wouldn't always be me trying to convince him. I have a lot to think about.
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  • I'm actually older by 5 years! He will be 25 on Monday. When we met he would go out 2-3 times a week! But now I'm lucky to get him to go out once every 2 months. I asked him if we could leave our son with his mom when we go to Vegas in 2 weeks and he insists on taking him :/ we have the funds to go out he just rather be home I don't get how he's changed. But I'll see what happens.
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  • And I don't think its me cause his best friend has even tried getting him to hang out and he never wants to. It just seems like we have different interests now.
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  • Ooohh I dont know about taking your little one on your vegas scouting trip.... really? I know you took your older kids a couple of weeks ago so surely this trip is about you guys having a break together?

    Has he told you WHY he doesnt enjoy going out as much? Im 25 now and seriously avoid nightclubs cos of all the douchebags and the crowding and stupidly expensive drinks. Give me a good bar or a beautiful restaurant any day. Is it just the clubs or going out in general that he isnt into?

    Can't wait to say 'I do' on April 14, 2014 - Planning Bio

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  • He's 25 but we don't even have dinner or movie dates I'm not trying to go out every weekend or even every other weekend to party I just want some time me and him since I'm with 3 kids 7 days a week. He works and at least he gets to socialize while I'm trying to stay sane being with my kids all day it would be nice for me to suggest something and have him be like yea let's go..but that's never his reaction. I've tried talking to him to find out WHY but he says he doesn't know.
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  • Sorry to hijack but congratulations Vegasgroom.

    Can't wait to say 'I do' on April 14, 2014 - Planning Bio

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    torontozombielover
  • edited August 2013
    Omg VG!!! Congrats!! Sorry I'm hijacking as well...
    torontozombielover
  • Yeah I'd be going a bit stir crazy too if you're at home all the time.  Well there has to be some compromise in that case.  Can you go out on a girls night weekly and leave him at home instead? :-)

    Married old Las Vegas hag groom - June 2011

    Getting married in Vegas? Start here! [click]

  • Valeriecruz82Valeriecruz82 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited August 2013
    Well I really dont think there's more to talk about with him I tried and he just doesn't seem to have much to say other then he wants to be together. I must of been talking for 10-15 min and that's all he could say so before I went to bed I told him I think its best of we broke up and he said nothing. Still this morning he's went on like any other day. He just don't seem to want this maybe that's why he's been acting so differently.
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  • Thanks everyone for your advice and replies :)
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  • Wow, yeah that sounds a lot more serious of an issue than your initial post made me think.  I'm sorry you're going through this now after so long, wedding planning, etc.  I wish I had better advice but I don't; I've had past long-term relationships that reached a point where it was obvious it was going nowhere and that was that, but there was never marriage, engagement, kids, homes or anything else complex involved.

    Married old Las Vegas hag groom - June 2011

    Getting married in Vegas? Start here! [click]

  • I'm sorry to hear that you are going thru this.  Would you both be open to going and talking to someone?  Perhaps if you had a counselor that could facilitate the conversation they might be able to ask your FI the right questions to get him to figure out why?  
    We had our dream wedding at Mirage on May 3, 2014! 
    image
  • I agree with kt babe. Sometimes an outsider can cut through yo what is really going on, and if things dont go well then at least youll know you have tried everything
  • Wow Valerie, so sorry to hear this, I do agree with the previous two posters though, an outside perspective (of a professional) may really help.


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       UK based bride, getting married in Vegas on 14th April 2014!
  • Thanks so much everyone :) we had a long talk after we both calmed down and he seems to be acting differently since we are currently living at his parents and is feeling unhappy about things going on here and is just missing us having our own privacy. We are planning to move out within
    The next 2 months. We are going to go look at some places over the weekend.
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    missmo14thesepinkdays
  • glad worked it out or at least talked it out.  glad found out real issue good luck with getting new place :)
  • @Valerie~ I know you are pissed at me, but when you wrote your thread this is the one that i remember, i'm re-reading the comments and it seems ...and i'm only saying it seems b/c that is what i'm reading like you were having second thoughts even then...you even told him you wanted to break up:( So i apologize if i came across rude, not my intention...it just clicked in my head about this post. Maybe you guys do have a good relationship. 
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