Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Shower for small destination wedding?

I am planning a small wedding with apx 60 guests in Las Vegas in January 2015. As our family and friends are scattered about the country, anywhere we'd hold our wedding would be a destination wedding; we will have no more than 4 people coming from any single city. Because of the small size and lack of central location, and the fact that guests will have to travel, I'm curious if a shower would be appropriate?

My mom would like to host one, I think, but with guests all around the country, I don't think it would garner a "quorum." She would understand if I advise it may not be a great idea given logistics.

Is it best to skip this tradition? We would like to have a small registry, but don't expect big gifts given travel. Input appreciated!

Re: Shower for small destination wedding?

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    I think it's fine, but she should keep it small and only invite guests who live in your area or within an hour's drive.
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    It's fine to have a shower as long as everyone invited is also invited to the wedding. If you're worried it might just be 5 or 6 people, maybe have a girls day out instead? Could be a nice group for a spa day or something like that.
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    Thank you for your replies. I'm thinking that rather than a shower, which, in my state or hers would only have a few people on the guest list, I'll see if she would want to host an "engagement tea" or something along those lines for more extended family in her state, maybe when I am home over the holidays. She could be clear to state that it is not a shower or gift-giving event, but rather a way to get extended family (aunts, cousins, etc.) together, and to do so for a happy reason.

    Since we live in separate states and I am doing most of the wedding planning myself (the wedding will be destination in a different state), this would be something she could be involved with and to lt her enjoy the mother of the bride role a bit. I'll see what her thoughts are, since a traditional shower does not seem logistically possible.

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    This is an offbase question, but isn't it against etiquette for the MOB to plan the shower? OP I'm not saying this to discourage, I just am wondering for my own purposes.

     

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    Anyone invited to anything wedding related needs to be invited to the wedding. If you can't do that then I'd avoid having any wedding related party and just have a get together BBQ or something instead.

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    Thanks for your messages, all. An informal get together may be the way to go. I'm not sure if it is against etiquette for MOB to host a shower (or shower-like gathering). We are not having a bridal party (apart from my fiance's teenage daughter who will be our solo attendant), so it would make sense for my mom to host something in our case, I think. I'm viewing the gathering, if there is one, to be more like an engagement party than anything else. Parents often host those, right? If something is planned, I'd want it to be small and informal and not a gift-receiving event. We will see!
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    kefryar said:
    This is an offbase question, but isn't it against etiquette for the MOB to plan the shower? OP I'm not saying this to discourage, I just am wondering for my own purposes.
    Typically the bridal party hosts the shower, but sometimes can't for various reasons. In that case, it is perfectly fine for another person who is invited to the wedding to host a shower, including MOB... as long as it is not the bride herself.
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    Are these extended family members invited to the wedding? They need to be if they are invited to any prewedding activities, formal, informal, gifts or not.
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    kefryar said:
    This is an offbase question, but isn't it against etiquette for the MOB to plan the shower? OP I'm not saying this to discourage, I just am wondering for my own purposes.
    Traditionally it was, because the mother and father of the bride were responsible for supporting her until she got married.  The shower tradition was invented as a sort of dowry for a woman from a poor family.  

    Now that women support themselves, this has fallen by the wayside.  Although there are still some circles where the mother would never throw a shower.  
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    kefryar said:
    This is an offbase question, but isn't it against etiquette for the MOB to plan the shower? OP I'm not saying this to discourage, I just am wondering for my own purposes.
    Traditionally it was, because the mother and father of the bride were responsible for supporting her until she got married.  The shower tradition was invented as a sort of dowry for a woman from a poor family.  

    Now that women support themselves, this has fallen by the wayside.  Although there are still some circles where the mother would never throw a shower.  
    This.



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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited September 2013
    kefryar said:
    @Aurourajanette, Typically the bridal party hosts the shower, but sometimes can't for various reasons. In that case, it is perfectly fine for another person who is invited to the wedding to host a shower, including MOB... as long as it is not the bride herself.

    This is a very recent phenomenon so I would not quite call it a tradition yet. The bridal party has no OBLIGATION to host anything. Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, friends of the MOB hosted showers.
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    I also had a bit of an unusual wedding also because I got married at my mom's house in CA, even though I lived in New Orleans. Basically, everyone we were inviting either lived in CA or would have had to travel either way...so it was just easiest for my husband and I to travel.

    But, because of that, I did miss out on fun pre-wedding events like a shower and a bachelorette party. There just wasn't time to do those things.

    For your situation, I don't think it makes sense to have a full blown shower...but an "engagement tea" during the holidays when a number of wedding guests will be together sounds perfectly lovely and charming.

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    Viczaesar said:
    kefryar said:
    This is an offbase question, but isn't it against etiquette for the MOB to plan the shower? OP I'm not saying this to discourage, I just am wondering for my own purposes.
    Traditionally it was, because the mother and father of the bride were responsible for supporting her until she got married.  The shower tradition was invented as a sort of dowry for a woman from a poor family.  

    Now that women support themselves, this has fallen by the wayside.  Although there are still some circles where the mother would never throw a shower.  
    This.


    MyNameIsNot

    Thank you! I was just wondering, because my mother had expressed interest in throwing one but said that she couldn't because it was against etiquette

     

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