Does she have to be my bridesmaid if I am hers?

ashiesmashie

Hello everyone

I have a little dilemma that I was seeking some advice on. I have this friend who is really good friends with my fiance, and she has both of us in her wedding party coming up in may. My fiance and I are finally planning our wedding and he assumes I will be asking her to stand with me. We have decided on a bridal party of 5 each (including moh and bm), and I have another friend that I think I would rather have stand with me than her. She is a wonderful person, but we aren't super close and the friend I would like to ask and I have known each other for more than twenty years.

I just feel like it is going to be a difficult conversation to have with my df, and at the same time I feel bad that she has asked me and I may not ask her. Our weddings are in the same year.

Adding an additional person to both sides isn't really an option for us either because a) my fiance is having a difficult enough time coming up with a fifth, and b) I really feel like 6 is just too many people.

Any advice? Anyone been in this particular situation before?  Thanks in advance

ashiesmashie

Sorry I just noticed the exact question was just asked... not sure how to delete my post on my phone

KatWAG

ashiesmashie said:

Hello everyone

I have a little dilemma that I was seeking some advice on. I have this friend who is really good friends with my fiance, and she has both of us in her wedding party coming up in may. My fiance and I are finally planning our wedding and he assumes I will be asking her to stand with me. We have decided on a bridal party of 5 each (including moh and bm), and I have another friend that I think I would rather have stand with me than her. She is a wonderful person, but we aren't super close and the friend I would like to ask and I have known each other for more than twenty years.

I just feel like it is going to be a difficult conversation to have with my df, and at the same time I feel bad that she has asked me and I may not ask her. Our weddings are in the same year.

Adding an additional person to both sides isn't really an option for us either because a) my fiance is having a difficult enough time coming up with a fifth, and b) I really feel like 6 is just too many people.

Any advice? Anyone been in this particular situation before?  Thanks in advance

No, weddings are not tic for tac. If you dont consider her one of your closest friends, then dont ask her to be a bm.

Bolded section: forcing even sides is silly. People are not props. Invite your closests to stand up with you, whether that is 2 people or 12.

ashiesmashie

Thanks for the great advice everyone

I have been trying to convince him to have her on his side - because in reality, she is one of his best friends and i DO want her included... but he just doesn't like the idea... while I am okay with breaking tradition, he wants to hold on to some of them.

I may just ask both of them to stand with me... as he is adamant on having her involved, but not on his side... and if he can't think of anyone he would want to stand with him in addition, then you all are right, we don't need to have even sides at all!

southernbelle0915

ashiesmashie said:

Thanks for the great advice everyone

I have been trying to convince him to have her on his side - because in reality, she is one of his best friends and i DO want her included... but he just doesn't like the idea... while I am okay with breaking tradition, he wants to hold on to some of them.

I may just ask both of them to stand with me... as he is adamant on having her involved, but not on his side... and if he can't think of anyone he would want to stand with him in addition, then you all are right, we don't need to have even sides at all!

Ok, well if he wants to hold on to tradition, then this girl just won't stand up in the wedding. Sounds like you have your 5 picked out and she's not one of them. If he wants her in the wedding, she can stand on his side. Don't make his hesitancy and desire to hold onto tradition become your problem.

allispain

southernbelle0915 said:

ashiesmashie said:

Thanks for the great advice everyone

I have been trying to convince him to have her on his side - because in reality, she is one of his best friends and i DO want her included... but he just doesn't like the idea... while I am okay with breaking tradition, he wants to hold on to some of them.

I may just ask both of them to stand with me... as he is adamant on having her involved, but not on his side... and if he can't think of anyone he would want to stand with him in addition, then you all are right, we don't need to have even sides at all!

Ok, well if he wants to hold on to tradition, then this girl just won't stand up in the wedding. Sounds like you have your 5 picked out and she's not one of them. If he wants her in the wedding, she can stand on his side. Don't make his hesitancy and desire to hold onto tradition become your problem.

Agreed. You get to pick the people on your side - he gets to pick the people on his side. If he doesn't want to ask her to stand up with him, then she won't be asked. Period.