Send invite if recipient says no to STD?

CheleLyn

In this case it's my father. Basically, things have gone downhill btwn us the last year and a half and it has been said I've been disowned. I ordered a very small amount of std's for a select few people. He received his and sent me a message saying neither he nor his wife "will be attending this wedding". While I expected as much, my feelings are somewhat hurt. Hey, I tried so whatever.

Anyway, assuming things do not improve by March 2014, even though he has said he won't be coming am I still obligated to send him an invitation? (regardless of the fact that this my father, what would be the right thing for anyone)

Ftr, I'm not trying to mend fences with him at this point, just want the proper thing to do as far as the std/invitation thing, kwim?

itzMS

CheleLyn said:

In this case it's my father. Basically, things have gone downhill btwn us the last year and a half and it has been said I've been disowned. I ordered a very small amount of std's for a select few people. He received his and sent me a message saying neither he nor his wife "will be attending this wedding". While I expected as much, my feelings are somewhat hurt. Hey, I tried so whatever.

Anyway, assuming things do not improve by March 2014, even though he has said he won't be coming am I still obligated to send him an invitation? (regardless of the fact that this my father, what would be the right thing for anyone)

Ftr, I'm not trying to mend fences with him at this point, just want the proper thing to do as far as the std/invitation thing, kwim?

Yes, send him an invitation. Things change in the months from sending STDs to sending invitations.

The worst that will happen is that he will decline. NBD.

NYCMercedes

CheleLyn said:

In this case it's my father. Basically, things have gone downhill btwn us the last year and a half and it has been said I've been disowned. I ordered a very small amount of std's for a select few people. He received his and sent me a message saying neither he nor his wife "will be attending this wedding". While I expected as much, my feelings are somewhat hurt. Hey, I tried so whatever.

Anyway, assuming things do not improve by March 2014, even though he has said he won't be coming am I still obligated to send him an invitation? (regardless of the fact that this my father, what would be the right thing for anyone)

Ftr, I'm not trying to mend fences with him at this point, just want the proper thing to do as far as the std/invitation thing, kwim?

Wow! I'm sorry. If he has disowned you, then I'd forget about it. Normally, you would send an invitation because people's plans can change. I hope time heals this.

CheleLyn

Thanks, everyone.

I figured I could get away with not sending one. I'll have extras, so if things do change I can still send him one.

My family is seriously screwed up. The only family of mine coming to the wedding will be my brother and his family (he will be walking me down the aisle). Also 2 cousins and their families. Basically a total of about 10 people from my family. My mother is not invited and provisions have been made in the event she does show up. I'm generally okay with the lack of my family being there, I know the people that will be there are people who care about me and support me.

annmarie714

Just planting this seed because I don't want you to regret anything in the future (only you know the situation and the answer to this questions).  Please don't take offense to this:

Look forward 10, 15, 20 years--will you regret not sending the invitation?  Even if he doesn't attend, will you regret not inviting him?  If the answer is no--don't send it.  If the answer is anything but a definite no--reconsider sending it.

phira

Normally, I'd say that you should still send an invitation in case the person's plans change. But in this case, it sounds like you've done all you can. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

CheleLyn

annmarie714 said:

Just planting this seed because I don't want you to regret anything in the future (only you know the situation and the answer to this questions).  Please don't take offense to this:

Look forward 10, 15, 20 years--will you regret not sending the invitation?  Even if he doesn't attend, will you regret not inviting him?  If the answer is no--don't send it.  If the answer is anything but a definite no--reconsider sending it.

No offense taken at all

It's hard to explain without going into details why things have become what they have, so short story....

He gave me away at my last wedding. Although he wasn't a part of my life until I was 15 (that was mostly my mother's doing), we had gotten much closer over the last 12 years. He disagreed with my decision to leave my ex-husband and has completely sided with him. 

I sent him a letter at the end of June trying to explain my decisions and why I was hurt over what I perceive as his misplaced loyalty. Never got a response to the letter, as far as my telling him I would like to talk about it. Just the text message last week saying they won't be attending, no response when I said. "Ok. How've you been?"

I don't think in years from now that I would regret not sending him an invitation. As I have tried to explain to Jason, who has a fantastic relationship with his parents, I think what I would regret is the relationship that we will never have (same as with my mother). I have no delusions that one day my mother and I or my father and I will be close and the past will be left behind. Too much has happened...and I have a very long grudge holding memory.