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Etiquette

Do not want to invite Mother to wedding.

Before I make it sound like I am a horrible daughter. Here is the back story, my mother walked out on my brother and I when I was in my teens, since then we have received little support from her either monetary or other.  My brother has wanted nothing to do with her and probably has not seen her in 10 years. I have kept a realtionship with her but by no means a mother/daughter relationship more like that co-worker you were friends with once and now maybe see once every couple years relationship. My father's family is extremely important to me and when she left they were all very hurt.  I do want to invite my family on my mother's side to the wedding however not her because I do not want those people who I care about the most being upset seeing her.

My father has also been dating a wonderful woman for the past 10 years who I have become close to and for all intents and purposes she is my mother.

So I have two questions how do I tell her that she is not invited and is not to show up when I am inviting the rest of the family. My wedding isn't until June 2015 I would like to address the situation sooner than later however my fiance says to wait....

Also how do I include Karen (dad's GF) in the program my fiance and I have already made the decision my mother will not be mentioned. Her and my father are not married so I do not like the step-mother title, but my fiance does not like Honorary Mother or the Bride or just Mother of the Bride either.

Re: Do not want to invite Mother to wedding.

  • Don't send your mother an invite. That will solve the problem. If she asks you then you can tell her that she's not invited. Going out of your way to tell her she's not invited is rude.

    Mother of the bride sounds like a perfect title to me. I'm glad that you have such a close relationship!

    Good luck with the wedding planning ^_^
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    Vivandiere8
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    For your dad's GF, can you list her as "Escort of Dad'sName" ?
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2013
    Why do you feel the need to have her in the program? She would sit with him, of course, and you can buy her a corsage to honor her.
  • Just list "Parents of the Bride"

    DadsFirstName DadsLastName & Karen KarensLastName

    I would not address it with your mother.  Don't send her an invitation.  If she brings it up then you can address it and say something to the effect of you're having a small ceremony or something.


    jenniferurs
  • mlg78 said:

    Just list "Parents of the Bride"

    DadsFirstName DadsLastName & Karen KarensLastName

    I would not address it with your mother.  Don't send her an invitation.  If she brings it up then you can address it and say something to the effect of you're having a small ceremony or something.

    100% agree with everything said here.
  • mlg78 said:

    Just list "Parents of the Bride"

    DadsFirstName DadsLastName & Karen KarensLastName

    I would not address it with your mother.  Don't send her an invitation.  If she brings it up then you can address it and say something to the effect of you're having a small ceremony or something.

    This. 

    And for the record, you aren't a bad daughter.  I have an extremely strained relationship with my mother so I fully understand.  We tried to take the high road and did invite my mother.   I already regret it, but it's too late.  You are under no obligation to invite her simply because you share her DNA.
    [Deleted User]
  • Just list "Parents of the Bride"

    DadsFirstName DadsLastName & Karen KarensLastName

    I would not address it with your mother.  Don't send her an invitation.  If she brings it up then you can address it and say something to the effect of you're having a small ceremony or something.


    **Stuck in box:

    I like this! 


  • Just list "Parents of the Bride"

    DadsFirstName DadsLastName & Karen KarensLastName

    I would not address it with your mother.  Don't send her an invitation.  If she brings it up then you can address it and say something to the effect of you're having a small ceremony or something.


    **Stuck in box:

    I like this! 


  • I'm not going to get into why my mother isn't invited to my wedding, but she is aware that I will be getting married. As far as I know she doesn't know the date or location. My brother and I have talked at length about it and he agrees that for me it is best she not be there. I am prepared for any drama she pulls regarding this prior to the wedding. If by chance she does show up, I will of course be gracious, but she will be carefully monitored by my mafia (the groom and groomsmen...that's what the group calls themselves LOL). In the event she starts any trouble with other guests, causes a scene, causes me any stress or worry, she will be politely escorted off the premises. A plan is still being discussed for what to do in the event she is belligerent about being escorted off. 

    As for telling her she's not invited...I just don't talk to her about the wedding. My facebook is "restricted" to her so while we are still "friends" (so I can keep track of her) she can't see my posts. Also, I won't be sending her an invitation.


    ~*~June 21, 2014~*~


  • Thanks guys I'm glad to see I'm not the only one with the touchy mother situation.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    For your dad's GF, can you list her as "Escort of Dad'sName" ?

    "Escort" makes it sound like she's a hooker.
    But the OP doesn't want to list her as a "mother" or as her father's wife since she isn't his wife.
  • I have to agree w/FI and wait. You don't know what your relationship or other peoples relationship will be with her by that time. See what it is say 7-9 months before the wedding, that is plenty of time to decide. Don't send her a Save the Date. You can always decide at the last moment when doing your invites if you want to invite her or not.

    In regards to dad's GF, she doesn't need to be mentioned in the program unless she is having a special part in the ceremony. Since she has been a mother figure to you, get her flowers, have her in photos and when when it comes to intros at reception you can have it Dad Smith accompanied by Jane Johnson. Who knows by 2015 maybe she'll be Jane Smith.

  • My fiance is going through this situation with his mother not being invited but some of her side of the family is. his parents just got divorced finalized this past summer it has been very tough and messy for those reasons he has been hurt by his mom and just doesn't want her there and have to deal with problems on our wedding day its our day to be happy. he did not send her an invite and we have told her at this point in time she is not invited if he does change his mind he will let her know but we have asked her to nt just show up or she will be removed. I will say this you wedding if a bit away so really think about it you may change your mind as you are going but follow your heart. As for your fathers gf they may not e married but technically are common law but you said she has been like a mother so however you want to show he your appreciation it's your decision go with what will make you happy :)
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