S/O Thank you notes for attending (For wedding party)

amalama

I just read a thread about sending thank you notes for those that did not give gifts, and that it is split whether or not you should or if it would be seen as a gift grab. We had some of our wedding party give us gifts and some not. We really were surprised and touched that any of them did (we tried to keep costs down for them but it still did cost a decent amount all said and done), and for the ones that did we will of course send them one, but what about the others? We did give them all gifts at the rehearsal, but they did so much for us that day too I just wasn't sure. For the people that think no gift=no thank you note, would wedding party be an exception? I definitely don't want anyone to feel like we are pointing out they didn't give a gift.

loves2shop4shoes

I personally think you should thank each person who attended your wedding.  Obviously, the people who gave a gift get the "thank you for your generous gift" letter.  The non-gifters get the "Thank you so much for participating in the festivities on our special day" letter.

I would follow that rule of thumb for everyone, regardless of whether they were WP or not.

mlg78

I disagree that everyone should get a thank you.  That being said, at the rehearsal dinner when we're giving out gifts for the wedding party, THAT is when they're thanked.  If they do not give us a gift, they will not get an additional thank you.  Also, you should be doing either a receiving line or table visits at the reception so you'll be thanking people at that point for attending so an additional thank you for attending is not necessary if someone didn't get you a gift.

Xstatic3333

I think with the WP, you can get away with the extra TY if it makes you feel better. For everyone else, definitely not. It could make them feel pressured to send a gift.

svc2014

Lobster1987 said:

Your wedding party should each get a heartfelt thank you note for standing up for you on your special day, gift or not. They spent money and time to be there in special roles, and it's important to thank them for that.

 

People who attended your wedding but did not give you a gift do NOT get thank you notes because your reception IS the thank you for the guests. Sending a thank you note for attending does look gift grabby, and frankly, if you sent me one, I would think you were weird.

 

Anyone who gives you a gift must be given a thank you note, whether they attended or not. 

 

I hope that clears things up for you.

Strongly disagree with bolded.

Regardless of if someone did or did not give you a gift or if someone is in your WP and has already been given a thank you gift (at the rehearsal) they should get a Thank you if they attended your wedding. No one is obligated to get you a wedding gift (though it is typically assumed). If they didn't get your a gift word it like, "Thank you so much for taking the time to share in our wedding day. We are glad you could attend..."

NOT sending thank you's because you didn't get a gift is completely gift grabby. It's like saying that the gift is the only thing you are thankful for and them coming wasn't important enough to get a thank you.

Salsera29

mlg78 said:

I disagree that everyone should get a thank you.  That being said, at the rehearsal dinner when we're giving out gifts for the wedding party, THAT is when they're thanked.  If they do not give us a gift, they will not get an additional thank you.  Also, you should be doing either a receiving line or table visits at the reception so you'll be thanking people at that point for attending so an additional thank you for attending is not necessary if someone didn't get you a gift.

This. You give each WP member a gift and a heartfelt note at the RD, you do not need to send an additional thank-you if they don't give you a gift. That's weird to me. 

mlg78

svc2014 said:

Lobster1987 said:

Your wedding party should each get a heartfelt thank you note for standing up for you on your special day, gift or not. They spent money and time to be there in special roles, and it's important to thank them for that.

 

People who attended your wedding but did not give you a gift do NOT get thank you notes because your reception IS the thank you for the guests. Sending a thank you note for attending does look gift grabby, and frankly, if you sent me one, I would think you were weird.

 

Anyone who gives you a gift must be given a thank you note, whether they attended or not. 

 

I hope that clears things up for you.

Strongly disagree with bolded.

Regardless of if someone did or did not give you a gift or if someone is in your WP and has already been given a thank you gift (at the rehearsal) they should get a Thank you if they attended your wedding. No one is obligated to get you a wedding gift (though it is typically assumed). If they didn't get your a gift word it like, "Thank you so much for taking the time to share in our wedding day. We are glad you could attend..."

NOT sending thank you's because you didn't get a gift is completely gift grabby. It's like saying that the gift is the only thing you are thankful for and them coming wasn't important enough to get a thank you.

I totally disagree with your logic.  I will have thanked them in person for attending our wedding and they attended the reception which is another form of thanking them.  Sending the thank you for attending when there is no gift to thank them for is what's gift-grabby.

misssunshine17

I think for guests, don't send them a note without a gift. I think for the wedding party, since it they have a bigger hand in the ceremony. 

grumbledore

Lobster1987 said:

Your wedding party should each get a heartfelt thank you note for standing up for you on your special day, gift or not. They spent money and time to be there in special roles, and it's important to thank them for that.

 

People who attended your wedding but did not give you a gift do NOT get thank you notes because your reception IS the thank you for the guests. Sending a thank you note for attending does look gift grabby, and frankly, if you sent me one, I would think you were weird.

 

Anyone who gives you a gift must be given a thank you note, whether they attended or not. 

 

I hope that clears things up for you.

Exactly this.  Wedding party members are the exception to the "thank you notes to non-gift givers are gift grabby" thing - they deserve to be thanked just for being there.

TerriHugg

I'm on the side that everyone can get a thank you gift but doesn't have to. I gave thank you cards to every single person that was even invited to the wedding whether they gave a gift or not. The response to that was overwhelming. I had people personally call to tell me the thought to even send them a card was so admirable and made them feel special. 

My husband and I really were extremely appreciative of every phone call, ever email sent, every person who attended, and ever gift received. No you don't have to send a thank you card to everyone, but I don't see any harm in sending thank you notes to people who didn't send a gift. And I don't understand how anyone can think a genuine thank you card was gift-grabby. Not to be mean, but I think the problem is with them if they think that way. In my opinion, it is never wrong to send a sincere thank you note. 

I mean some people say they would think it's suspicious and weird if they received a thank you note without a gift and see it as a sign of being gift-grabby. But I would find it weird if I sent you a truly sincere thank you note and the first thing that came to your mind was, "How rude. She's just begging for a gift," just so you could turn a nice gesture into something cynical. 

So in response to your question, you don't have to send a thank you card to everyone who didn't send a gift, but I honestly don't see any harm in it if you did. From my experience, it's always been well-received. 

doeydo

I definitely think that those in the wedding party should get a thank you note just for being your attendants.  As for wedding guests who did not give a gift or a card, I do not think you have to send them a thank you note.