My partner and I just booked our venue, and we're finishing up the final "first steps" in our to-do list. I'm in the process of designing our save-the-dates, and we're putting together the list of guests who will receive one. I'm aware that save-the-dates are entirely optional, but because I have family from out of town, and we're getting married very close to Thanksgiving, we think it's appropriate to send them.
I've been on the etiquette board for a while, so I'm aware of a lot of etiquette surrounding save-the-dates. I know that not everyone needs to get one, and that anyone who receives a save-the-date should receive a wedding invitation. In terms of invitation etiquette, I know that I should address significant others by name.
Here's my sticky situation: How do I address save-the-dates with regards to significant others? We've had a lot of relationships end temporarily, as well as relationships that I've heard might be ending at some point. Since a lot of significant others wouldn't be invited if they weren't in relationships with guests, we don't want to have to deal with so many potential ex-SOs. Here are some examples:
Sister (early 20s): 3 years into relationship with boyfriend, he breaks up with her for two weeks. A year later, he breaks up with her again, but they get back together a day later (this just happened, like, three days ago).
Brother (late 20s): In the process of divorcing his wife; has been in a new relationship for about 6 months (predates divorce--LONG story). He has made it clear that this is a very serious relationship and not a rebound.
Cousin (very early 20s): Has been dating his high school girlfriend for several years. Girlfriend is close to his family. Have been told by several people, including the girlfriend, that they are likely not going to stay in a relationship. But they still are in a relationship.
Like I said, these are just some examples. In every case, we like the significant others, but we would not be inviting them if these relationships ended.
Obviously, if we sent save-the-dates to just the primary guests (like the siblings or the cousin), we'd run the risk of offending people by not including their SOs. But if we send them addressed to both members of the couple, and didn't invite an SO after a break-up, would that offense be worse?
I'm really, really reluctant to send invitations to ex-SOs as a courtesy. I guess I'm asking: If you were the SO of a wedding guest, would you be more offended if the save-the-date weren't addressed to both of you? Or more offended if it HAD been addressed to both of you, but after you broke up, you didn't receive an invitation?
now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~