I feel some sort of way about something.

ReturnOfKuus

My group of friends from high school just invited me to a get-together.  There's a family event, so I can't go anyway, but even having been a part of the invitation is making my stomach feel all churned up and awful.  I'm not exactly sure what that's all about.  I mean, I guess I am, sort of, since I stopped truly being friends with them for a reason, but my reasons are all small and petty and probably outdated.  Yet I still feel all anxious at the very thought, and it's been a good 16 years since high school, 14 years since I made the decision to stop being a part of the group.

I kind of want to talk about this, but am unsure what to say.

DixieNormous330

do they know why you broke up with them?

ReturnOfKuus

No. 

They probably think I did the tactful fade because I had a fling with one of the guys in the group and it went poorly, and he broke my heart or something.  Truth is, I wasn't that into him, and felt weirdly obligated to be involved in... whatever that was.  But the way they treated the end of that, like something that should be swept under the rug and that if there is any fallout it would be my fault for making a fuss, that solidified a decision I had been toying with to just leave the group entirely.  It was the same summer that my mom and C broke up, and after that ended, I just didn't have the patience for group dynamics of secrecy any more.

PirateBarbie

why did you break up with them? i'm nebby. 

ReturnOfKuus

Fuck.  Just seeing their names all together on a message list makes me feel that oppressive life of secrecy feeling again, where I can't be myself with anyone and can't ever talk about my family with my friends.  Thank the gods for my bff at the time (and still now); I don't think I would have survived without her being my heart-sister.

hmonkey

16 years? sheesh.

surely they invited you because they missed you, hoped you had moved on from high school drama, and had gotten more awesome since high school.

just go.

Wzz

I agree with hmonkey; you might be thinking too much about it. unless they did something to you in HS, i would go in assuming they are all grown folks now.

AuntFlo

Or they think you're the most likely to be a hot mess and wanted to invite somebody that is worse off then them.  Believe me - reunions are no fun without a hot mess or two.  

Honestly though, I think you should listen to these feelings that the situation is bringing up.  If it's causing anxiety then I think maybe you should skip it.  

Wzz

that's another thought i agree with. but really, go or don't go. i don't think it requires too much thought. life has gone on for 16 years without these people, so i can't see that this is going to do anything for you good or bad.

dharmabunny

You're seriously not going to let teenage bullshit from 14-16 years prior hold your todays hostage, are you?

Just as your former teenage self no longer exists, I doubt their former teenage selves, hijinks and overall lack of higher cognitive function, exist either.

Just go, sometime or another.  Give it a whirl.

If you made an error in judgment, based on what you're seeing in the present, oh well, so what?  It's just a mistake.  You learn, move on and don't do that again.

baconsmom

I don't think you're "holding yourself hostage" or need to get over anything. This is one of those things that just throws you back in time. For some people, it's visiting a hometown or getting together with their parents. For you, it's this group of people.

Don't go. (I mean, I know you said you can't, but even in the future.) I think you've recognized that this is a visceral reaction to an emotional period in your life that you don't want to revisit, and you shouldn't. There's no reason to reacquaint yourself with people it seems you didn't like or trust. You seem to have a good grasp on the fact that this is a reaction *you* have, and not that they're out to get you or something. 

I'm impressed that people on this thread don't have these sorts of reactions. And I don't mean that snarkily. I wish I wasn't a giant ball of anxiety who has these sorts of debates about seeing people I might have said an awkward thing to like, a year ago. Or a week ago. But I'm not, so I do a lot of this "should I, shouldn't I" business, and Kuus, I think you know what you want to do and that these feelings are just a reflection of your time with those people. 

Wzz

i would probably have anxiety if these were people who did something specific to me, like bullied me, or perhaps started doing illegal things i didn't want to be a part of. and even so, my decision to not see them would be black-and-white and i wouldn't put any more thought into it. just growing apart from people doesn't sound like something that would cause anxiety.

i'm sort of curious about this specific reason to not be part of the group 14 years ago, but you could say MYOB.

VarunaTT

I can't find the article now, but I read an interesting article not too long ago that people who experienced "bad times" in high school do re-experience the same anxiety as adults being confronted with the people from high school again.

FWIW, I wouldn't go.  Why bother?  It's not something you'd look forward to or really even want todo.  Take high school out of the equation: if a bunch of people you don't really like, didn't feel like they supported you and actually made you feel like you had to hide yourself as an adult e-mailed you about a GTG, would you go?  Hell no.  So why re-hash old memories and feelings to do this?

Also, though they may have moved on, there is no guarantee.  I know lots of people who are exactly the same as they are in high school.  It's why I don't associate with them. Plus, they'll bring up all the old memories and how "great" they were.  You gonna tell them it wasn't so great and they actually made you feel like shit?  Again...why bother.

ReturnOfKuus

Okay, let me be clear: I can't go.  Even if I wanted to.  BIL's wedding is going on at the same time as this gtg.  Clearly I'm not going.

I was just surprised by how I felt about this.  I just saw those names all together, and became this churned up wreck of emotion.  Hell, high school wasn't even a bad time (or, rather, it was, but I didn't know it at the time because I hadn't experienced the awesomeness of adulthood yet), so the whole thing is deeply irrational.  I don't entirely know why I feel this way, which is why I came here to talk it out with all of you.  It's weird, something that should be a neutral occurrence made me react some sort of completely bizarre way that I can't really explain, and I wanted help with figuring out what the hell is going on with me, that's all.

hmonkey

can't you invite them all to bil's wedding?

ReturnOfKuus

Hee!  That actually did make me feel a little better.

Wzz

oh adurrrrr, you even said as much in the OP.

maybe it's like when you catch a certain smell and it brings you back to a memory, like Exclamation! and your first boy/girl dance in 7th grade.