How to respond to people who don't realize they aren't invited

jessilauren

FI and I are having a small wedding. We just prefer the intimacy and can't imagine our guest list being over 80 people (Really we don't need a crowd, the people who matter most will be there and thats most important). 

So, theres a few people, in my life in particular who I wouldn't necessarily call "friends" anymore-at one point I would have but that was many years ago and I've moved on with my life and they are no longer close. One former friend in particular I have been actively avoiding for the past three years. She doesn't seem to "get it". I rarely return her calls or see her. I've maybe seen her twice in the last three years. I just didn't think it was a healthy friendship so I stopped talking to her. She had a tendency to use me, borrow money, need transportation, moral support but never gave anything back. So shes started sending me messages and calling me as soon as I got engaged. I've been ignoring her even more since the engagement since I knew she would expect an invite. I am starting to feel bad because shes now left several rambling messages on my voicemail about just wanting to send us a card and she wants my address to send it to??
 So I was wondering is their a semi polite way to tell people sorry you just aren't invited?

GBCK

jessilauren said:

FI and I are having a small wedding. We just prefer the intimacy and can't imagine our guest list being over 80 people (Really we don't need a crowd, the people who matter most will be there and thats most important). 

So, theres a few people, in my life in particular who I wouldn't necessarily call "friends" anymore-at one point I would have but that was many years ago and I've moved on with my life and they are no longer close. One former friend in particular I have been actively avoiding for the past three years. She doesn't seem to "get it". I rarely return her calls or see her. I've maybe seen her twice in the last three years. I just didn't think it was a healthy friendship so I stopped talking to her. She had a tendency to use me, borrow money, need transportation, moral support but never gave anything back. So shes started sending me messages and calling me as soon as I got engaged. I've been ignoring her even more since the engagement since I knew she would expect an invite. I am starting to feel bad because shes now left several rambling messages on my voicemail about just wanting to send us a card and she wants my address to send it to??
 So I was wondering is their a semi polite way to tell people sorry you just aren't invited?

Polite fiction.
"We'll so miss you that day; unfortunately, we're limiting it to family and very close friends "

HisGirlFriday13

jessilauren said:

FI and I are having a small wedding. We just prefer the intimacy and can't imagine our guest list being over 80 people (Really we don't need a crowd, the people who matter most will be there and thats most important). 

So, theres a few people, in my life in particular who I wouldn't necessarily call "friends" anymore-at one point I would have but that was many years ago and I've moved on with my life and they are no longer close. One former friend in particular I have been actively avoiding for the past three years. She doesn't seem to "get it". I rarely return her calls or see her. I've maybe seen her twice in the last three years. I just didn't think it was a healthy friendship so I stopped talking to her. She had a tendency to use me, borrow money, need transportation, moral support but never gave anything back. So shes started sending me messages and calling me as soon as I got engaged. I've been ignoring her even more since the engagement since I knew she would expect an invite. I am starting to feel bad because shes now left several rambling messages on my voicemail about just wanting to send us a card and she wants my address to send it to??
 So I was wondering is their a semi polite way to tell people sorry you just aren't invited?

First of all, I'm sorry you're in this position. A few months ago, a friend of mine posted an article on FB about how to gently tell someone they weren't invited to your wedding. I thought at the time, "How rude would you have to be to tell someone they're *not* invited?" Then DH and I started getting the calls/texts/e-mails/FB messages, 'Hey, do you need my address for your wedding invite?" Uhm....no, on account of we weren't planning to invite you.

The polite thing to do is just to keep ignoring you. If she forces your hand -- i.e., asks you in person -- just say, "We're having a very small, family and close friends only, wedding." And then change the subject. 

Good luck!

Chipmunk415

I've a similar situation. Girl I knew in college moved away, going through med school while I went to law. Didn't hear from her for 3 years despite efforts on my part to maintain contact. Hear from her out of the blue this past March, she's apparently got legal woes on the other side of the country and wants my advice. Told her of some programs she could contact for help. She calls back a week later asking about what's up with me, and more whining about how legal stuff stinks for her, wants help, etc. She was DEMANDING to attend my wedding. I've bean dipped with the "still figuring out the list; going for family only, small, intimate, etc." It's going on three months since I've heard from her, and it's a little over 4 months till the wedding. I'm just ignoring any further calls from her.

cborries

I've had extended family members literally ask when our wedding is because they are showing up even if they aren't invited...  But that's just how that side of my family works.  We, luckily, are getting married 3,000 miles away from most of them.

 

I've been using the 'family and family-friends' only excuse for most of the random people who ask, and if they don't leave us alone, I just ignore them.  I find it so rude for people to badger others about their wedding day.  It's not their wedding, so they really don't need to know any of the details.