Destination Weddings Discussions

Friend might make BM uncomfortable

This one's a doozy.

We are coordinating apartment booking for our wedding party and some of our friends, and in order to get the apartments, we are doing it 7 months ahead of the trip. One of the groomsmen and one of the bridesmaids are exes, and one of those couples where it's never really over. She asked me originally if he was bringing a date because she wouldn't want to stay in the same apartment if he was. I said I didn't think so, and she went ahead and booked with him. A week later, one of FIs friends asks about apartment stuff, and I told her there might be a spot open in their apartment. and then she tells me, oh that's fun because I want to hook up with him. So I said that the BM was staying there too, and she didn't seem to care, is going to try and wedge her way in, and oh by the way, we've hooked up in the past, but don't tell anyone, especially FI, BM, and GM. Great.

I know I have no right, or energy, frankly, to keep them from sleeping together, but I want to make sure mu BM is not uncomfortable by a living arrangement that she doesn't even know would make her uncomfortable.

Obviously I need to talk to the friend, who has a history of not giving a crap, but I have no idea what to say. Maybe something like: If you are interested in hooking up with one of the groomsmen, please book a separate hotel room, and invite him over instead of making anyone in my wedding party uncomfortable? Does that work? Is it too pushy? Are there better options? We are years out of college. This kind of thing does not happen in our friend group, and I have no idea how to handle it.

Re: Friend might make BM uncomfortable

  • It's great that you're concerned for your friend, but I really think you just need to stay 100% out of this.  Unfortunately, this is just part of life with ex's and sometimes ending up in awkward situations.  They need to work it out themselves.  If you all have mutual friends, she'll never be able to completely avoid this kind of thing and will have to figure out how to deal with it herself.  

    This is coming from the perspective of dating a guy for seven years where we're still a part of the same social circle, have been in multiple friends' weddings together and been on group trips where one or both of us would have dates there and/or end up with other people while the other was around.  It can suck for a bit, but it is what it is, and there's nothing you can do to shelter it.
  • You are totally right about that. I'm just really annoyed by FI's friend, and I have the instinct to squash that shit. I know I can't act on it, but I really don't want this kind of shit to blow up my wedding and make everyone miserable.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards