Ugh...Prudie told her to 'lean in' in her answer.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
I'm wondering if I should quit my job. I’m a 27-year-old woman who works as a program manager at a nonprofit that promotes access to healthy food. When I was hired at the beginning of the year, it was as an assistant manager, and I was thrilled. This was my first full time job after years of juggling two to three part-time jobs, and I looked forward to gaining experience and new skills. A few months later the program manager was let go and I was asked to take over. I expressed trepidation, but was assured by my supervisors that they had confidence in me. I constantly feel like I'm failing, that I’m missing things and making mistakes and just muddling through. It kills me to think that my incompetence could be hindering our fantastic mission. In addition, the stress is really getting to me. My supervisor seems be to be satisfied with my performance, but I want to go back to being an assistant. Am I crazy to ask for a demotion? Should I just try to keep it together and hope no one notices that I'm panicking?

—Over My Head

mrsconn23

Dear Over,
As scary and vertiginous as this is, you should continue to step up and lean in (which I admit sounds like dizzying advice). It doesn’t appear that you were just a warm body making a lower salary that prompted management to tap you for this job. Your bosses saw something in your work they liked and you apparently continue to satisfy them, even if not yourself. Like many millennials, you have had a hard time getting a toehold in a career. So you should think long and hard before trying to step down a rung. It’s understandable you feel overwhelmed and not ready for the job. But you have it, so take action to make yourself more competent. Find out if there are evening classes in nonprofit management at nearby colleges. If not, search out reputable online programs. Get helpful bedtime reading. Here are a couple of books you can start with: Managing the Nonprofit Organization and The Charismatic Organization. Ask your supervisor to have a weekly meeting in which you discuss goals and how to implement them. Also make sure you’re eating right, exercising, and getting enough sleep. Stress multiplies when you’re physically run down. Recognize that what you are feeling is not uncommon. If everyone who worried they weren’t up to the task left their job, the unemployment rate would be astronomical.

—Prudie

baconsmom

Actually, I think Prudie's on to something. 

I'm pretty certain that I suck at everything, all the time. I do not feel competent in my life. It's just anxiety (most of the time), so I need outside markers to show me if I'm doing OK. 

I would ask my boss for an evaluation, first and foremost, and if it comes back negative, I would probably go ahead and ask for that demotion. If it came back OK or positive, though, I would do what I needed to to feel more competent - probably book reading, yes - and keep the job. 

Prudie's wrong in suggesting she just buck up and do all this herself. But she's not wrong to suggest that the LW might be doing actual, valuable work. 

PMeg819

It's called Imposter Syndrome @baconsmom.

baconsmom

PMeg819 said:

It's called Imposter Syndrome @baconsmom.

Really? Fascinating. (Seriously. I'm not being snide.) 

mrsconn23

baconsmom said:

PMeg819 said:

It's called Imposter Syndrome @baconsmom.

Really? Fascinating. (Seriously. I'm not being snide.) 

That is interesting!

PMeg819

Yep. It's not something "diagnosable" but it is truly something out there and it tends to impact women a bit more. My friend works in non-profit and if I didn't know better, that letter could have been written by her 7 or 8 years ago. She's way more confident now (and she has the experience/titles) to back it up. But we were talking and she said her therapist told her about Imposter Syndrome and basically encouraged her to start a brag book. Any time she felt like "why hasn't everyone figured out that I suck" she could look at it and realize that she did not in fact suck. I personally keep a folder in my email inbox called "Kudos" with things I receive.

baconsmom

I go look at myself on Amazon.  

mrsconn23

I also keep all of my kudos too. 

emmyg65

Imposter Syndrome is much more common with women, especially young ones. Also, and I'm just extrapolating here, but I think this might be one of the first times the LW may have struggled. If a person is pretty smart and gets good grades, school seems really easy. It can take longer to get to that thing that's hard to learn, and you're not used to it. I think she should stick with it for a few more months and see if things get better, while trying to really look hard at her work and her peers to assess if she's actually making mistakes, or if she's just being extra hard on herself.